Wednesday, February 5, 2014
CALL A TRUCE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
My husband is a nice guy. Most people think he's a saint. Most people think he never does one thing wrong. Most people aren't married to him. And most people aren't married to me. Neither one of us is perfect.... especially me. I would be lying to you if I said we've never had an argument. Of course we have. I would be lying if I said we never had such a big argument that I was certain that EVIL ALIENS had abducted my real husband and replaced him with an obstinate look-a-like drone from the Planet Stubborn. Yes.. mostly we get along... but sometimes... we don't. It's impossible to live for SIXTEEN THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED DAYS in total agreement every day.
I would like to give your our secret weapon for getting over those times when neither side is willing to wave the white flag of surrender. We have a word we use. Either he will say it or I will. Well, it's more like a question. One of us will say, "Truce?" and hold out a hand to be shaken in agreement. The dictionary definition of a "truce" is "an agreement between enemies or opponents to stop fighting or arguing for a certain time."
It sounds silly, I know, but it works. Because sometimes the awful realization hits that he is NOT GOING TO SEE MY SIDE OF THE ARGUMENT NO MATTER HOW MANY DIFFERENT WAYS I PRESENT IT ...(and believe me, I never run out of sides to my argument) and I AM NOT GOING TO SEE HIS.
It happens. It does. Some arguments cannot be "settled"- especially not in the heat of battle - they simply have to be shelved for a while. You both agree that the argument is causing too much damage. You both are wise enough in the Lord to know that the division it is causing COULD BECOME a serious one. Is it really worth the stress it's causing? Is it really worth hurting that one who loved you so much they pledged their future to yours?
So... you just let it go.
For a while.
We have called many truces. Even when I felt I was so completely right and he had so completely wronged me that he deserved to eat bread and water... it's just a way of acknowledging that the love is more important than the argument. AND... I don't remember any time that after agreeing to a truce... we cancelled it so that we could start arguing again. That's what's so amazing about it. We just make a decision to stop arguing about the issue..and after a while we both forget what we were even arguing about. Honest. It's just a great diffuser.
Now, let me say what I AM NOT SAYING. I AM NOT SAYING to ignore REAL and SUBSTANTIVE ISSUES. I AM NOT SAYING back down from something that has to be decided and settled... like whether you are going to move to Alaska or not.
I'm saying that you may never be able to agree about whether or not his mother hates you.
Or your mother hates him. Or he DID look at that girl passing by in the restaurant. Or... is he being too cheap with the budget??? OR.. OR.. OR.. a million other issues.
Call a truce. Entire countries and their armies do it all the time.
They don't settle a thing. They simply agree to stop trying to kill each other.
So can you.
Some things don't need to be settled. Sometimes winning an argument means losing the war.
Call a truce. It works.
"Work at living in peace with everyone" Hebrews 12:14 NLB,