Monday, November 17, 2014


I remember writing an article for a Christian magazine a few years ago and a husband related to me (on the SACRED VOW and PROMISE that I would write his words anonymously) that when he and his wife were married for just a few months she asked him if he would like to spend the weekend visiting her parents.  He told her the truth, "No, I'd rather stay home this weekend.  I'm tired."  He says that the catastrophic, humongous and horrible WAR ZONE this created in their home and relationship was beyond any horror he had ever experienced with her.  Of course she got her way.. but what price did her marriage pay?

He said, " From then on...I just agreed to do whatever she asked me to do and said whatever I knew she wanted to hear.  I understood then that she wanted her own way MORE THAN she wanted us to have a real and transparent relationship. It's impossible to have a real relationship when one person has to lie about their own feelings in order to keep the peace."   They are now divorced.  

Sometimes... if you could trace the cause of trouble in a marriage back to the selfish seed that took root and grew up and choked the love out of a marriage it's:


(Yes... it's true that sometimes it's The Easily Offended Husband Who Demands His Own Way.. but this blog is "A Word To The Wives" so we're gonna go with the wife side of the issue.. o.k.?)

The truth is that just because your husband (or anyone for that matter) doesn't want what you want, or doesn't focus on what you think is important, or doesn't say what you want to hear... doesn't mean that you have cause to be offended.

We force these poor men to lie in order to have a moment's peace.  We don't really want to hear, "Well, yes, your jeans do look a little tighter than they did last month."
"No. I don't want to spend Thanksgiving at your parent's house."
"I would prefer to not go to the mall with you today."

I mean, seriously.. you would NOT BELIEVE the emails I get from wives who are SO OFFENDED... and if I DARE SUGGEST.. "Well, doesn't he have a right to NOT want to spend Thanksgiving at your parent's house?" 
OR say something like..
"Did you ever step back and take a look at the fact that the only problem is that he isn't doing what you want him to do?"


We have twisted it around, sweet sisters.
 We say, "If you don't want to do what I want you to do, then you don't love me."

Or we say

"If you insist on wanting to do something that I don't want to do, then you don't love me."

But God's Word tells us that:
 Love does not demand it's own way. 
Love is NOT easily offended. 
(1 Corinthians 13:5)

If LOVE does not demand it's own way
If LOVE is not easily offended.

Then.. the truth is that when our husbands are offending us because they are not doing what we want them to do it's an indication that we do not love our husbands as much as we ought to and not the other way around.

When you love someone the way Jesus loves will not have room to be offended because you aren't getting YOUR WAY.  Jesus example is to put the other person's needs ahead of His own.  And we are to love THE WAY HE LOVES.. not the way the world loves.

I challenge you to have one day of complete honesty with yourself.  Examine what you're angry at.  Offended by.  Is it simply because your husband doesn't want to do what you tell him to do all the time?

If he's being unfair.. unloving...unkind... LOVE still does not demand it's own way. LOVE still does not become easily offended

Talk to the Lord about your heart.
Ask Him to give you more love.  The kind that isn't easily offended.
The kind of love that tells your husband that he is able to be honest with you.
Show him the kind of love that allows him to speak truth.
Even if it hurts. 

We all have a blind spot when it comes to ourselves. 
Ask God to give you Holy Spirit sight.

Talk to the Lord about your husband.... and the Lord will talk to your husband about you.

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Mrs. Older

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