Next month, through the miraculous mercy of God on two people who had no clue how to be married, Mr. Older and I will be celebrating forty-nine years of marriage. If you add the years we've been married to the three years we dated as high school sweethearts it is 78.79% of my life so far.
Furthermore, after all these years, we still like to be around each other more than we like to be around any other people. It's a miracle...
You may be assuming that Mr. Older and I were just fortunate enough to come from the same planet and instantly knew how to communicate.
WRONG! Here are some possible reasons we have not knocked each other's blocks off... well..... not so far...and some possible explanations for our continuing success at staying HAPPILY married and being able to know and hear one another.
1. We both love and follow Jesus.
Being His follower in deed as well as word requires something foundational to succeeding in marriage - forgiveness. Many married Christians try to ignore that Jesus OFTEN said that IF you want to be forgiven YOU ARE REQUIRED to forgive. Yeah... I hate it too.... I won't take up space here listing the FIFTY KAZILLION SCRIPTURES ABOUT THE ABSOLUTE NECESSITY OF FORGIVING OTHERS.I have needed my husband's forgiveness and he has needed mine. Many times and in many situations I have not deserved his forgiveness and yet he has forgiven me. Many times and in many situations he has not deserved my forgiveness and yet I have forgiven him. Why? Because neither one of us has deserved the forgiveness of God but have gladly, with joy and thanksgiving, RECEIVED IT. And... our LORD, Jesus, instructs us to forgive as we have been forgiven. To love as we have been loved. And so, because we love Him.. we obey Him. And because we love Him, we love one another. Ultimately it is submitting to our LORD.. (yes.. LORD.. as in RULER of OUR LIVES)... that has won the battles between us.
2. We don't expect to agree.
Lots of couples confuse the term "getting along" with "always agreeing with one another." Where did we get the idea that if two people don't agree about something they cease to get along?
Sometimes Mr. Older and I do not agree about something. Somehow God helps us shake it off.... and keep getting along. When couples are young and stubborn we don't truly understand the damage all those daily skirmishes are doing: To our marriage. To our children. To our family. To our witness.
I have learned to get along with Mr. Older even when
If you want to get your own way all the time.. please do the world a favor - DON'T GET MARRIED. Please. It will save so much heartbreak. It will save so many children so much sadness.
NOTE: I want to say that if someone is ABUSING you - especially physically - I am NOT telling you to put up with it and just forgive... get help.. call your pastor.... get OUT.
I truly get that some Mrs. Youngers reading this are married to men who insist and demand their own way ALL THE TIME.. and there is no way to compromise or reason with him.
He is an alien... speaking in a language you cannot decipher and looking at you as if you are an alien when you speak... Which brings me to the most important secret to being able to hear, deal with and understand that "alien" you are living with:
I'm not talking about praying "GET HIM GOD!" prayers about your husband. I'm talking about prayers of humility before God which say, "Please help me see the truth, Lord, about my heart and his heart;" and "Please don't let my anger get so embedded inside that I have given satan, the father of all lies, a foothold;" and "Please speak to my husband, Lord because he isn't listening to me;" and "Please have mercy on two stubborn people."
Please remember that a STRONGLY HELD OPINION IS NOT THE SAME THING AS TRUTH.
Your opinion of Mr. Older is not TRUTH....it is your opinion.
Statements like: "He will never change!" or "He doesn't care about me" or "He is lazy (or stubborn, angry, selfish, stupid....etc.) is YOUR OPINION about your husband.
ONLY GOD CAN SEE HIS HEART.
ONLY GOD CAN CHANGE HIS HEART.
ONLY THE HOLY SPIRIT can speak truth to a wife's heart.
ONLY THE HOLY SPIRIT can speak truth to a husband's heart.,
IF YOU WANT TRUTH ABOUT HOW TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR HUSBAND WHO SEEMS LIKE HE IS LIVING ON ANOTHER PLANET.. YOU ARE GOING TO NEED THE HOLY SPIRIT AND PRAYER.
Sometimes we don't want to pray because we are afraid to hear that AGGRAVATING WORD, that ANNOYING WHISPER...."Forgive."
The Lord knows how difficult it is to forgive.
Especially as people are banging nails in to His hands and feet and nailing Him to a Cross... AFTER.. beating Him mercilessly,
I mean, HE KNOWS how CRUEL people can be to other people.
Still... He forgives.
This is getting long. So I will end for now.
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