Saturday, December 16, 2017

MARRIAGE WARS - SIMPLE SECRETS #3

In this thing called "marriage" you must hide this secret in your heart, dear Mrs. Younger: You are not alone.  You are not hidden from God's sight.  He is big enough to care about the smallest things.  GOD HAS NOT ABANDONED YOU. 

Your husband may not care about the way his angry words have cut you to your heart - BUT GOD DOES. Your husband may not want to hear what you are afraid of - BUT GOES DOES. Your husband may not think it's a big deal that he doesn't really provide for your family - BUT GOD DOES. Your husband may not understand how vital it is for a wife to be loved and cherished by her husband - BUT GOD DOES.  Your husband may not put any importance on being the spiritual leader in your home - BUT GOD DOES.

It's not a secret that God's plan for marriage was not what we are witnessing in our society today. 

So let me say this to those of you who are bitterly disappointed in the way your marriage is:  Don't let the disappointment in your husband cause a root of bitterness to take hold in your heart.  If you do, it will cause much destruction. All around you. To the people around you. (Hebrews 12:15).  Go to God and ask Him to let His Spirit protect you from a human reaction and to give you the grace to put your heart in the hands of the God who loves you.

Speaking of being bitter, Colossians 3:19 reads: "Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them."  LOVE your wives.. and be NOT BITTER. 
It means to NOT be "irritated", "exasperated" to a point of grieving. It means to be so annoyed at your wife that you grieve the relationship.  You become sorry in your heart that you married her?  Maybe?

I hear from so many Mrs. Younger's whose Christian, church-going 

husbands do not have the slightest reverence for God to CARE that He cares about the way a husband is doing his marriage.  

At the root of all marriage problems is one (or two) people who do not fear or respect what GOD thinks, a person or persons who do NOT walk every day in the wisdom of accepting that God is watching.  Every. Single. Thing.  Every attitude. Every word. Every unkindness.  Every love-less action.

1 Peter 3:7 means what it obviously seems to mean:

"Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."

"Considerate" means "knowledge".  It means KNOW your wife as you LIVE with your wife.  Do you wonder why she acts the way she acts?  That is not a good indication that your wife is wacky or insane.  That's a good indication that you don't know her. YOU are the one God calls to KNOW her. Not her girlfriends, her mother, or your kids.  How can you know her?  Ask the Lord to reveal her heart to you - AND - ask HER to tell you what is in her heart. That might require you to put down your cell phone, turn off the football game and actually ASK AND THEN ACTUALLY LISTEN.

"Respect" means "honor" and value.  Value her.  Be proud of her.  This may make my feminist readers angry, but women are not as strong physically as a man is.  A good man will honor this, not make fun of it or berate it.  A woman has emotions that sometimes rule our brain cells.  Our emotions make our thoughts rise and fall. Understand this.  Don't make fun of it.

"Fellow Heirs" - yes.. yes.. yes.. in the Kingdom of God, she is your equal. She is an heir of everything God wants to give to you.  She is not weaker when it comes to the Spirit of God. She is equal.  Make sure you make sure that you make a way for HER spiritual life to PROSPER.  Make sure you understand that you are BOTH children of God.  You cannot just live your life and let your wife figure out how to follow Jesus. YOU HAVE TO LEAD YOUR FAMILY.  YUP. YOU.

Well, o.k. some husband are ho-humming all these words.. but here's the kicker.. guys..

God expects YOU to do these things so that 

NOTHING WILL HINDER YOUR PRAYERS.


We are all so slow to understand that just because WE IGNORE what God expects.. and we "seem" to get away with it.. doesn't mean God doesn't mean what He allowed to be written in His Word.

Men, is is possible that the reason your plans get frustrated, the reason you don't seem to have any power when you pray is DIRECTLY RELATED TO THE WAY YOU TREAT YOUR WIFE? (UHHHHhhhhh.. yes.)

Mrs. Younger, speak to God about your husband. Don't complain... don't pray, "GOD GET HIM!" prayers.  But pour out your frustration and pain.

Just because your husband doesn't care about being what God requires doesn't mean God doesn't care.

SECRET: God will honor your faith... God will deliver you.. God will change who needs to be changed.
You can trust God.   
God will never disappoint you - even when your husband does.

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

MARRIAGE WARS - SIMPLE SECRETS #2

I must admit that when we were first married, my world revolved around Mr. Older and making him happy. I was a teenager and a bride. No, I wasn't pregnant - we planned our wedding for a year - so we would be married before he left for his military duty. It was during the Vietnam War.  People our age were dying all around us.  We wanted to be married before he left.  
My goal was to please him. 
Whatever he wanted was what I did.  You may be asking, "So what's your point, Mrs. Older? Isn't that what a wife is supposed to do?" Well, yes.. but also no. It isn't what I was doing, but why I was doing it.

SIMPLE SECRET:  IF YOUR GOAL IN LIFE IS TO PLEASE ANOTHER PERSON - even if that person is your husband - YOU WILL LIVE A FRUSTRATED LIFE. 

Truth is that life was great for Mr. Older.  Who wouldn't want to live with a person whose only goal in life is to get your approval?  Mr. Older is a wonderful, godly, kind and giving.... man.  He's just a man. My focus was off.  My approval seeking was off.  My life rose and fell on my husband's happiness with me.  He wasn't trying to be the center of my life.  I MADE HIM the center of my life.

"So.. then.. wait a second, Mrs.Older.  Are you advocating that women's lib, feminist stuff here?"....

HAHAHAHAhahahahaha.. (I am old. I don't type LOL.. I type "hahahahahaha").

So here's what changed.  This verse:  "Carefully determine what pleases the Lord."  (Ephesians 5:10) 

A wife, a woman, a child of God should spend her time meditating on determining WHAT PLEASES THE LORD.  Which means, the Lord can be pleased by our actions and decisions.  When, as a wife, I spend time determining what pleases the LORD about being a wife, then I am still doing much of the same stuff I did... but... I don't really rise and fall on whether or not my husband acknowledges my pleasing him or not... AS LONG AS I HAVE PLEASED MY FATHER IN HEAVEN.  This takes a great deal of pressure OFF my wonderful husband because he doesn't have to deal with a wife who is happy when he is happy, and not happy if he doesn't tell me how happy he is with me.  I mean, really, Mrs. Youngers, this is a great deal of pressure on that man you married. 

PLEASING GOD.. when my desire is to PLEASE GOD... and I AM HIDDEN IN CHRIST... HE IS PLEASED WITH ME because He is pleased with JESUS.

So then, if Mr. Older is pleased in the process of me living to please GOD... good for him.. and good for me.

and this verse:  Everything you say and everything you do should be done for Jesus your Lord. And in all you do, give thanks to God the Father through Jesus.  (Colossians 3:17)

Everything I do in my marriage I am DOING FOR JESUS MY LORD.  FOR JESUS.

Are you doing the things you are doing, Mrs. Younger, to please Jesus? Or to please your husband?  

Your husband will be pleased sometimes and not be pleased other times. WHO WANTS TO LIVE LIFE THAT WAY?  NOT ME.

Now.. please.. sweet Mrs. Younger.. focus and understand what I am actually saying to you: 

IF YOU LIVE TO PLEASE AND GAIN THE APPROVAL OF ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.. YOU WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER BE SATISFIED or happy.  

You will NEVER please your husband, or your children, or your family, or your church ENOUGH to fill that longing inside you to be approved of and accepted.

ONLY GOD CAN GIVE YOU THAT APPROVAL YOU SEEK.  ONLY. GOD.

The Apostle Paul said: 

"I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant." (Galatians 1:10) (Boy, that last verse could be an entire sermon about those politician pastors who do what they think will make the people like them.... but that's for another blog on another day.)

IF YOUR GOAL IS TO PLEASE GOD - YOU WILL PLEASE YOUR HUSBAND.

ASSUMING YOUR HUSBAND IS A MAN WHOSE GOAL IS TO PLEASE GOD.

Which brings me to my next blog.. about husbands whose prayers are hindered because of the way they treat their wives... and the wives who have to live with those kind of husbands.

Mrs. Older loves you.
Thank you for the EMAILS YOU ARE SENDING ME. 

I also want to mention that you may sign up to receive this by email.  Upper right corner of the page.

XO,
Mrs. Older


(If this is the first blog in this series that you've read, scroll down to read the ones that came before.. if you want to.. only if you want to.. Mrs. Older can be bossy at times.. right? Right.)


Saturday, December 9, 2017

MARRIAGE WARS - SIMPLE SECRETS #1

I thought of titling this: "TWO IDIOTS SHARE THE AMAZING MIRACLE OF STAYING HAPPILY MARRIED FOR FORTY-EIGHT YEARS"... but...it was too long.   

This week, Mr. Older and I will celebrate our 48th Wedding Anniversary. If you add the three years we dated from the time we were in eleventh grade, we have been together 51 years. I am sixty-five years old. He's taken up the majority of my existence on this planet - and I have taken up his.  We grew up together, sorta. 

I think people assume that when two people have been married almost FIVE DECADES and seem happy to BE married, they must have some mysterious secrets the rest of the world does not have or know.  Or they must be wonderfully loving and perfect people. The truth is just the opposite: we have discovered that the secrets to success in marriage are rooted in such simplicity that we often overlook them.  In the next few blogs I will be sharing some simple secrets we have uncovered through trial and error.. (mostly error).

Before I begin... let me just give HONOR TO THE LORD and acknowledge that if it were not for the fact that Mr. Older and I LOVE GOD more than we love each other - and - that God has swept in and had MERCY on us... and helped us overcome HUGE mistakes, I would not be writing about being married for 48 years. But we'll get to that in another blog:


Secret #1- YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT YOU 

The root of all disagreement is that the other person IS NOT AGREEING WITH US.  If the other person AGREED with us we would not be DIS-AGREEING.  The only person on earth who will always agree with you is YOU and you cannot marry yourself.  Therefore, as long as you are married to a completely DIFFERENT human being, you cannot expect to always agree on everything all the time.  This is reality.  One of the bitter roots of our FALLEN NATURE...something we have inherited as a result of being sinful and flesh-controlled rather than Spirit-controlled is that we have adopted the false and evil belief 

that other people should want what we want, do what we do and like what we like. 

WHERE DID WE GET THAT IDEA? 
(Hint:  The pit of Hell?)

Are you presently harboring a grudge against your husband? Your wife?  When ever I find myself annoyed at Mr. Older, I stop and think about the situation.. and before long I remember that the root of my anger is that I have decided that whenever he doesn't want what I want..

HE IS WRONG AND I AM RIGHT.  
YUP. HE'S WRONG. I'M RIGHT. THE END.

Where did I get this idea that I get to be annoyed at my husband just because he doesn't agree with me?
(HINT:  The pit of Hell?)
SECRET #2 - He isn't evil - he is a man.

There isn't anything MORE OPPOSITE on earth than a man is from a woman. Another reality. Men don't think like women think and we don't think like men think.  Don't assign evil and ulterior motives when your husband (OR WIFE) doesn't agree with you. He is just being human.. like you are.  He sincerely believes that the way he thinks the two of you should discipline the children, or spend your extra cash, or spend time with his family, or don't spend time with yours, or have the friends he has... is an opinion he is entitled to have.  And.. He is.. entitled to have a different opinion about every subject.  It's called.. HE IS NOT YOU. HE IS HUMAN.  HE IS MALE.  HE IS OPPOSITE. Lighten up. 

SECRET #3 -  Spend LESS time trying to change his mind, and MORE time trying to change yours.

Marriage is not an Olympic sport where you have to WIN every argument.  You will NOT DIE if you stop trying to be right......and start trying to be reasonable.  Instead of being blind with rage... why don't you ask the Lord to help you see his (HER) side? 
SEEING HIS SIDE OF THE DISCUSSION is not going to kill you, or cause you to have huge warts on your face, or make you look fat. It is simply allowing your heart to TRY and see his side. Sometimes, after doing this, I have come to the conclusion that.. Mr. Older continues to have the WRONG opinion about something.. but.. at least I understand what his opinion is and why he has it.  And once I acknowledge his right to NOT THINK LIKE ME.. I am less grouchy and angry.  There is nothing in all the Bible that says we WILL always agree, or we MUST always agree... It talks about how we will be angry.. but don't sin. Don't let anger take ROOT in your heart.  It talks about submitting to one another.. it talks about LETTING SOMEONE ELSE HAVE THEIR WAY.. consciously.. making the decision to LAY DOWN your rights in a discussion and...

SECRET #4- SURRENDER  

Without an adversary, there cannot be a war.  There is something so foreign to us in our natural flesh about just giving in, just letting someone else have their way.  Because... 

Marriage Wars are always about WHO IS IN CONTROL.  

CONTROL IS NOT SUBMISSION. 
CONTROL IS DEMANDING SUBMISSION.
ONLY GOD HAS A RIGHT TO DEMAND SUBMISSION.
AND EVEN HE WAITS UNTIL WE WILLINGLY DO SO. 

SURRENDER requires acknowledging that GOD IS IN CONTROL.  Your husband thinks he should control you? How funny and sad that he believes he can compete with God for control of what happens to His daughter?  You think you can control your husband??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (Breath) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

It's hilarious when we say things like, "I have given God control"
AS IF.. WE WERE EVER IN CONTROL OF IT.

YOU MAY PROTEST about Mr. Younger- "He gets his way all the time!" 

And your point is? What? That you think YOU SHOULD GET YOUR WAY more often? 
It's about WHO is in control when it comes to marriage:  God, you, or your husband.
GOD. IS. ALWAYS. IN. CONTROL.
SOMETIMES WE ACKNOWLEDGE THAT.
AND SOMETIMES WE ARE IDIOTS 
JUST SURRENDER. 

Plead your case before your Father in heaven,and ask Him to give you HIS HEART.
Let Him deal with the foolish man who thinks he is allowed to be a selfish husband. 

Marriage Wars was never the plan God had and has for marriage.
















Wednesday, December 6, 2017

MOM, DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ASKING?

Lately, her two sons, James and John, had become a big deal. People were talking about Jesus because He was doing these miracles.  He was someone who spoke with authority.  He wasn't afraid of the religious leaders or the Roman soldiers occupying Israel.  And her two sons - her boys, James and John, were one of His twelve disciples.  Boy, was she proud of her boys. Everyone, including maybe even James and John, assumed that Jesus was sent by God to deliver His chosen people from those Roman soldiers occupying their land.

She wanted the best for her sons, and one day she approached Jesus, kneeled down respectfully in front of Him and said she had a favor to ask. (Matthew 20:20).  He was willing to listen to her request.  She asked Him to let her two sons sit on each side of His throne when He set up His kingdom. His response to her was SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT SHE WAS ASKING FOR HER TWO BOYS.  "Are you able to drink the cup of suffering I am about to drink?" (Matthew 20:22).  They all agreed they were able.  They were not.

Jesus asks every mom the same question:  "Do you understand..truly understand.. what it means to follow Me? Do you understand that My Kingdom is not of this world?  Do you understand that to be great in My Kingdom, your child (and you) must be willing to become the servant of everyone?"

Do you tell your children the truth? About My Kingdom?

The mother who asked Jesus to make her children GREAT didn't realize He was going to give her what she asked for.  She also didn't comprehend what it was going to cost.

Mom, when you tell your child to follow Jesus, make sure you explain that it's the best decision they will ever make.. but sometimes the best is not always the easiest.  It will cost everything...but it's worth everything to be forgiven and live forever. 

God gave His Child so that your child could be saved.

God blesses His children. God comforts His children. God protects His children. God honors His children. God loves His children.
But it wasn't easy for us to be reconciled to our Father.
And it wasn't cheap.  

When we encourage our children to follow Jesus, we are leading them in to a path of being hated and rejected by the world, of learning to lay down our lives for others, of giving all  to God and His will and His purposes.  Just like Jesus said, "I have come to do the will of Him who sent me"... that's how our child will live his/her life... to do the will of God.  And that's how we will live.
It's the only decision that matters.
It's the only thing that matters... 

but..

Be sure, Mom, that you count the cost of being a follower of Jesus. And be sure you explain the cost to your kid.

"Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—  just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”  (Matthew 20:26-28)

Sunday, December 3, 2017

UPDATE

LET ME SAY... THAT...Mrs. Older apologizes for my lack of blogging to all my sweet Mrs. Youngers.  I am sure you have survived and thrived without me.... but every now and then one of you checks in on me.  

In the years since I started this blog, much has happened in Mrs. Older's life and much has changed.  I am, as you know, a professional writer.  I continue to write articles for Christian magazines plus two monthly columns - also in Christian magazines.  A few years ago,the Lord reminded me that I, as an older Christian woman, have a responsibility to mentor the younger women in church.  And so I started this blog. 

In addition, I decided to write a book about the lessons I learned from my wonderful and godly mother because I came to see that so many women did not have that blessing.   I self-published the book.  At the start of 2015, my parents needed our full time care. My husband and I were honored to do so.  My mom had read most of the book along with me as I wrote it.  A month before it came out, my mom passed away and a month later, so did my father. A month after that a Christian movie came out that my mom had been involved with as a prayer warrior. Her friendship with the producers had them film an interview with her, and they included a few minutes of that interview on each DVD of the movie sold.  As of this date, over two million have been sold.  As a result, people looking for my mom found me and I have been going all over the place speaking at various women's events across the nation.  About her. Her life. Her example.

Just when I thought things would settle down, an acquisitions editor at one of the top publishers in the world, was given a copy of my self-published book about my mom, loved it, bought the rights to it and is getting ready to re-release the book under a new title in the Spring of 2018.  This is a big time, big deal publishing miracle.  I cannot take any credit for it. God has opened every door. 

As a result, I expect to be traveling more... and maybe actually meeting some of you face-to-face... though you might not realize you are meeting Mrs. Older.  You will be able to buy the book in stores everywhere.. and online everywhere. 

When God wants something to happen, it happens.

I am home now for a while, and will be sending some blogs your way in the coming days.

I love all of you and if you want any additional information email me at:

awordtothewives@gmail.com 

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

IT'S ABOUT TIME

Many women I know and speak with seem to have the same staggering question at one time or another in their lives.  WHERE IS GOD?
WHY ISN'T HE ANSWERING MY PRAYERS?

Let's be honest and admit that it can be so confusing when you are doing everything you know to be doing when it comes to being the kind of wife, mother, daughter, sister
- woman - 
God expects you to be, and then when you need Him, He disappears.  Seemingly.

You cry out in desperation.  Nothing happens.
You try to drum up some kind of faith in a seemingly silent Deity who says He loves you.. but is certainly ignoring you.
You know that something is wrong with saying the right words but not truly believing them.

As time flies by, your faith flies out the window.
And so you give up and stop praying...
You feel justified in surrendering your faith to the doubt that overwhelms you..
Time has won and stolen Truth from your heart.

The truth?

"The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry."  (Psalm 34:15)

God didn't need to write the Bible.
God didn't need to tell us that His eyes are on us, and His ears are attentive to our cries.
BUT. HE. DID.
And God cannot lie.

So if you are His child.. His eyes are on you. Right now. Right there.  TIME DOES NOT TURN HIS GAZE FROM YOU.
And He not only hears what you say.. HE IS ATTENTIVELY LISTENING TO YOU.

THAT IS TRUTH.
TIME IS NOT TRUTH.
TRUTH IS TRUTH.

You can decide that since God is taking too much time so it cannot be the truth that He sees you and He hears you.

That's a lie.

TIME has defeated TRUTH in your life.. and therefore in time you become defeated.

There is no mention in God's Word about time frames and answered prayers.
I could do a nine hundred page Bible study here about waiting on the Lord and what it does for and to people who do.. (like renewing our strength, mounting on wings like eagles..reviving our youth, etc.)

There is simply this:  He sees you. He hears you. He will help you.
You can choose to believe that truth.
Or you can let TIME steal it from you.

Where is it written that God has four years (or two, or one, or seven) or less to answer prayers about husbands and marriages - and if He doesn't we can stop trusting? Stop believing?

Where is it written that prayer for a wayward child has a one-year limit, and then, if the child is not back in the fold... you can give up and believe that God is NOT faithful?

Who says that if God hasn't healed you after all the times you've asked Him to He isn't going to? 

God's faithfulness has nothing to do with Time.
Your faith will be tested by time.
Will it stand the test of time?
HANG IN THERE.
Don't give up.
Don't give in.

Keep praying.
I can tell you  - in time - God will work it all out better than you could have worked it out yourself.  Give your husband, your children, your finances, your fear, your worry, your cares to the Lord. And keep giving them. Wait for your day of deliverance. It is coming. Is it coming soon? I don't know about soon.. but it is coming. 
It's about time that you don't let time steal your faith in a Faithful Father.

"WAIT PATIENTLY FOR THE LORD.
BE BRAVE AND COURAGEOUS.
YES, WAIT PATIENTLY FOR THE LORD."
Psalm 27:14 
I love you.
Thank you for signing up to receive this blog.
XO,
Mrs. Older



 

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

NO.. I DIDN'T DIE...

"Mrs. Older", she emailed me, "have you died or something??"  

I answered her and said, "No, I haven't died...but my mother died two years ago and she's become very well known after her passing... and I have been representing her... all over the place.."  

What has happened to me in the last few years is astounding and God ordained. As you know, if you've been following this blog at all...God has placed on my heart the reminder that the older women in the Body of Christ are called to be examples to.. and mentors and teachers of... the younger women in the Body of Christ. 

I started this blog years ago as an act of obedience to God to do my part to share whatever experience and the wisdom that comes from experience.   First it hit me that I am now the OLDER woman.. and.. then it hit me that God expects us all to be there for one another.  We cannot ignore this. 

I am a writer.  And as such.. in conjunction with the time I started this blog...  I started to write a book about my godly, powerful mother.  I knew that the lessons she had taught me as I was growing up would bless any woman who read about her. 
As I was near completion of the book, a friend of mine introduced her to some Christian movie producers...and they became friends and my mom a prayer warrior for the movie.

Just as the book about her was being published, the movie came out.  The movie is not ABOUT her, but the producers brought some attention to her as one of their very dedicated prayer warriors.

They put a small clip of an interview one of the producers had with her on the DVD of the movie. Something about her sweet face, or her powerful spirit and her childlike faith in Jesus has just been hitting so many people who see it.  

So they try to find her on the Internet...but... she isn't here anymore.

Just a month before the book came out and two months before the movie premiered.... the Lord she loved came and got her and took her to live with Him forever.. (Just 37 days later, my father joined her there.) 

BUT.. people look for her... they find me.  And since she CANNOT speak at their churches... they ask me.

So that's where Mrs. Older has been lately.  Flying all over the country.. doing interviews... speaking..... and traveling with Mr. Older.  Telling women about the power of prayer, the answers to prayer my mother received from God.

I was thinking that things would settle down soon, BUT, just last month a HUGE PUBLISHING COMPANY has purchased the book, is giving it a new title and some new info... and it will be hitting world wide in May of 2018.I 

Who knew?

I will be doing publicity tours.. and the book about my mom will be widely promoted... 

BUT.. I am going to be home for the next four or five months.. so my dear MRS. YOUNGERS... get your reading glasses on, because I have LOTS to say to all of you.

First of all.. THANK YOU ... to those of you who "checked in" on me... 
And please feel free to comment on these blogs.. 
I am back.

XO,
Mrs. Older

Sunday, February 26, 2017

BACK TO BASICS #6 - IF IT WAS EASY

I needed a root canal in my front tooth.  So.... last week, I revisited my endodontist. (I have had quite a few root canals.)  

I like her.  She's about my age and is an expert at digging roots out of people's teeth.  She puts this little contraption in my mouth, and pulls a rubber covering over it.  It is one of the only times I am speechless.  I cannot speak with all that equipment in my mouth. 

During last week's procedure she came in to the room and asked, "Is your husband with you?"
 I replied, "Yub." 
 "Does he have gray hair?"
 "Yub."
 "I saw him in the waiting room.  He was going through your purse. He's very good looking."
 "Yub he ib. We'b bun mrrud fuhrty subben years." (I'm thinking though, "Why is he going through my purse???")
 "Forty seven years? (Evidently she is adept at translating the words people say with endodontic contraptions in their mouths) So then...he's your FIRST and ONLY husband?"
 "Yub."
 "Wow, that's unbelievable." 
"Did you ever want to leave him?"
 "No."
 "Did he ever want to leave you?"
 "No."

I would have had a different answer if she would have asked a different question like:
"Did you ever want to punch him?"
or
"Did you ever think he was impossible to live with?"

I would have said "Yes" to questions like that.
And so would Mr. Older
  
Now, if you knew us, you'd know that people think we have a perfect marriage. We don't - and have never had - a PERFECT MARRIAGE.  Because neither one of us is PERFECT. 

We do have a GREAT MARRIAGE.  We LIKE being around each other more than we like being around any other people. We have a great marriage. Perfect? Nope. Wonderful YUB.

My husband is an absolute saint. And he is a very loving, kind, Godly man.  But he isn't perfect.  People think he's perfect.  He is not.  
Good? Yes. 
Perfect? No.
Has he done things in the past decades that have wounded me?
Yes.
Have I wounded him?
Yes.
And me?  Mrs. Older?  Not perfect.

One of the unspoken boundaries of our marriage is that I never say anything negative about my husband.. and he never says anything negative about me.  Furthermore, I do not allow anyone to say even the slightest negative thing about him to me.. and he is the same way.

For us, this is a good thing.  It is a safe thing to know your husband is not complaining about you to his friends, and vice versa.But I think that those of us who have leadership roles, or public roles, have to find a way to be loyal and protective of the weaknesses in our spouses.. BUT.. be honest enough to say...

"IF IT WAS EASY to be married for almost five decades...
EVERYONE WOULD BE."
 
I am not a marriage expert, professional counselor or any thing close to that.  But..because of working in leadership roles in church, and because I am older, younger women will seek me out from time to time to ask for advice. 

I have found that if you ask the Lord to shine His light on the problem  it is often because the younger wife has the idea that OTHER PEOPLE have EASY RELATIONSHIPS. She thinks other women - her friends - never feel despair about their marriages. 
And husbands often have the same misguided appraisal of how marriage SHOULD BE.
In one way or another, one of the spouses is thinking...
"THIS IS too DIFFICULT. I'm NOT HAPPY about how DIFFICULT it is to be married." 

Because.. the basic reality of God's plan for marriage is for TWO PEOPLE TO BECOME ONE FLESH.  For us to become ONE with His Son, Jesus.. was NOT EASY.   Easy is not the same thing as worth it. Is it easy becoming one? Is it easy preferring your spouse? Not really.
Is it worth it?
A B S O L U T E L Y


So then my question is, "Are we doing a disservice to the younger couples following in our footsteps if we don't admit that if it wasn't for the LORD.. if it wasn't for HIS MERCY.. if it wasn't that He intervened and corrected our mistakes..we would be another statistic of a destroyed marriage and home."

And furthermore to give the honest TRUTH and HOPE that whatever is wrong with your relationship can be made right by calling on the Lord.  Now that's easy.  Pour out your hearts to the Creator Of Marriage.  He will intervene when TWO PEOPLE want His will more than they want their own.

(BTW: After I told him that my dentist thinks he's good looking, I asked, "Why were you going through my purse?"
Answer: looking for a piece of gum. 
I always chew gum. 
Could there be a connection between the gum and the root canal?
Hmmm..)

This is long enough.  Next blog:  WHO TOLD YOU IT WAS GOING TO BE EASY TO BE MARRIED?

XO,
Mrs. Older
(Don't forget that you and your friends can sign up to receive this blog via email by signing up - upper right corner of this page.  As you know, if you've been receiving it for any time, the only thing I send you is this blog. No ads. No sales. Just a blog.)
 



Sunday, February 19, 2017

BACK TO BASICS #5 - DADDY'S GIRL

Last blog I wrote about the truth.. the truth.. that being a Christian woman is about being like Jesus.. who WILLINGLY gave up His rights... and gave up His life.. so that He could rescue you and rescue me.   In a perfect world, a husband will love his wife more than wanting his "rights".  A husband will do what will edify his wife...and the wife will do the same thing.

OK... so...this is not a perfect world.. and we are not perfect people.

Some women I speak with are living with HORRENDOUS HUSBANDS.. (yes.. HORRENDOUS)... and to be completely honest with you... I am filled with compassion for them and the despondency they must feel as they live each day with the unloving man they are married to.

Last blog I said, stop thinking about yourself - ALL. THE. TIME.
This blog I want to encourage you that when you do think about yourself.. you should...

THINK ACCURATELY!
REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE!

If you are beaten down, depressed, despairing, despondent, discouraged and defeated.......

You are probably listening to the father of lies.

Why are you doing that?
He started in the beginning.. lying to Eve.. and he's been lying to women ever since.

Stand Up, Princess.
Take a stand, Daughter of The King.

How? 
Cry out to the Lord. 
When desperation hits.. and you feel like you're going under...

CRY OUT TO THE LORD

He always hears every cry of desperation.
I am surprised at how often women I meet as I travel to speak, or women I meet through emails and the book and columns I write are unable to PROCESS such simplicity.

They are unable to comprehend the POWER OF a SIMPLE, PRAYER OF DESPERATION. 

They expect, it seems,  a long, drawn-out explanation of nine thousand Bible study questions and answers.
But God didn't send His Only Son, Jesus, to die on a cross and resurrect from the grave so that we might continue to feel separated from Him.  His sacrifice was not simple.. but our answer is.. 

CALL ON THE LORD.
CRY OUT TO THE LORD.
SEEK THE LORD.
SPEAK TO THE LORD.
POUR OUT YOUR HEART TO THE LORD.
PRAY. PRAY. PRAY.

Does it have to be more difficult for you to believe He hears?
He hears.
He cares.
 
Ask HIM to remind you who you are.
How He loves you.
Ask HIM for the faith to believe He sees you.. He cares.

Your husband? Give him to the Lord.  
No matter how he treats you... your father, THE KING, is watching.
You are Daddy's girl..and the sister of the Jesus. 
Who is gonna dare mess with Daddy's girl... especially when "Daddy" is the Creator of All That Exists? 

ARE YOU EXHAUSTED FROM THE THING CALLED YOUR MARRIAGE? GOD WILL RENEW YOUR STRENGTH IF AND WHEN YOUR HOPE IN THE LORD.  Ask HIM to help you hope in Him.  And He will.  He gives us whatever we need before we even ask.

 "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
Isaiah 40:31

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

BACK TO BASICS #4 - HAVING RIGHTS

Just today I saw an article online in which a well-known actress said that monogamy is not natural.  She has been married and divorced two times, has a child, and doesn't really enjoy motherhood all that much either.
Her premise is that it doesn't "feel natural" to be monogamous. And that's why so many people struggle with it. 

Well.. I guess I can see her perspective.  It doesn't feel natural. But.....What does "natural" feel like?

To an overweight person, natural feels like eating whatever you want whenever you want to. Does that person have a "RIGHT" to overeat? Yes.  But if she wants to be healthy she has to lay down the right to overeat.  

To an angry person, natural feels like lashing out when ever you want to lash out. Does she have the RIGHT to scream and yell and lash out.  Well, I guess so.  But if she wants to have any long-lasting relationships, she is going to have to give up her "right" to destroy the feelings of others.   

To a psychopathic person, murder seems natural. In that twisted mind, the violence is justified because of the anger inside.  If he wants to be able to live free.. he has to give up his perceived "RIGHT" to kill others.

To a liar, lying seems natural. I know people who can tell a lie without missing a beat.  Does she have the RIGHT to lie? Of course she does.  But if she wants to walk in truth as Christ commands, if she wants to have anyone who trusts her, she will have to lay down her "right" to lie... and stop.

We all have the RIGHT to be who we choose to be.  God allows every human alive the right to choose whatever we want to choose. He gives us the RIGHT not to care about Him or His standards.

What feels natural?  I'll tell you what doesn't feel natural. It doesn't feel natural to give up our rights.  Because in our fallen state... we care about ourselves first.  That is the truth.

Laying down our rights has to be a supernatural thing. It has to come from above.  It has to come from Jesus.... who.. willingly gave up HIS RIGHT TO STAY IN HEAVEN AND NOT GIVE ONE FLIP ABOUT YOU ME OR OUR BOUND-FOR-HELL ETERNITY.  How about that?  How about if He didn't say, "nevertheless not MY WILL, but YOUR WILL BE DONE."

We would have had NO RIGHT to approach God.
We have have had NO RIGHT to plead for mercy.
We would have had NO RIGHT to be called children of God.

How about we ask ourselves as we struggle with marriage, "What is God's will in this situation?" What a unique idea, no?
Yes.

At conferences, through my writing, through this blog, I hear from hundreds of women... hundreds.. and a large percentage of them are unhappy in and with their marriage and their husband.  "He isn't this. He isn't that. He shouldn't do this. He should do that." I guess it comes as a shock when I suggest:


Ask not what your spouse can do for you
Ask what you can do for your spouse.

Marriage is the place where you choose to prefer someone else.
Does it feel natural?
No. 
Being selfless doesn't feel natural to selfish creatures.


Stop thinking about yourself.
All.
The.
Time.

I did not say.. "NEVER PUT YOUR NEEDS FIRST."
I did not say.. "NEVER THINK ABOUT YOURSELF"

I am simply suggesting... suggesting.. sweet Mrs. Younger.. that EVERY NOW AND THEN..
EVERY THIRD THURSDAY?  EVERY FOURTH MONDAY??


Don't think about yourself 
ALL THE TIME.
ALL.
THE.
TIME.

The complaining.
The criticism.
The great discontent with the man you married.

Give it a rest, every now and then.  

Feel free to email me at:  awordtothewives@gmail.com Love you,
Mrs. Older

Monday, January 30, 2017

BACK TO BASICS #3- WHO CARES? GOD DOES.

So... in my last blog.... I encouraged you to NOT sit back and accept a husband who is less than God intends for him to be. And I encouraged you to pray for Him.  AND I ENCOURAGED YOU TO HAVE THE ATTITUDE OF HEART THAT WANTED HIM TO CHANGE FOR HIS OWN GOOD AND NOT ONLY FOR YOURS. I am convinced God isn't impressed with "hellfire and brimstone on others" prayers. We want Him to discipline that person.. but.. He longs to show mercy.   We want Him to act instantly, but He is patient and continues to pour grace.

And now I want to be lovingly truthful with you, even if you pray every day, you may not see a change in your husband.
WHAT?  You may see no change. None. At.  All.  Because of this, you may decide that prayer is a waste of your time and God's.  And you will stop praying because it seems like prayer isn't working.
That's normal. That's natural. But normal and natural does not result in supernatural.  I pray that YOU will...
  
....be that woman.. that one in a thousand woman.. who perseveres in prayer.  Who seems abnormal for continuing to seek the Lord. For continuing to believe there is power in persistent prayer. 

That's what I pray for you.  If it was EASY to be devoted to prayer.. everyone would do it. It isn't easy. It isn't natural to speak to the ceiling and believe there is Someone listening. In reality, there is no ceiling between you and God.  Jesus tore that veil.  When you speak, God is listening.  And He longs to REVEAL Himself to you.

How will He reveal Himself to you? I can't answer that because I'm not Him.
In my life.. sometimes He speaks through His Word so clearly that it seems like the Book was written just for me.
Sometimes, I hear Him whisper to my heart.
Other times, a sermon.
Other times, a friend.
But He speaks.
And I hear Him.
And His voice is always LOVE. POWER. A SOUND MIND. HOPE. PEACE.

And a reminder that He cares about me.  He. Cares. About. Me.

THE FAITHFULNESS OF GOD IS THE ROOT OF ALL REAL FAITH

The Lord builds our faith by sending situations in to our lives by which He can prove how faithful He truly is. 

Over time... the foundation of your life becomes Christ.  He is enough. He is more than enough.  Over time you come understand that whether people change or not, whether life is easy or not, whether answers to prayer come quickly or not...
GOD WILL NEVER FORSAKE YOU.
He will never let go of you.
He is broken-hearted about your broken heart.
HE LOVES YOU. 
My godly mother always lived a life of devotion to Jesus. I saw it first hand. I know it's true when she said,
 "WHEN YOU HAVE JESUS YOU HAVE EVERYTHING"

ANSWERS to prayer is not evidence that you have faith.
FAITH in the character of God, KNOWING that God loves you no matter what you face.. that is faith.
It's easy to type when things are going well...
But when the storm hits.. that is the FOUNDATION that keeps the house from crumbling.
KNOWING GOD. KNOWING HIS LOVE.

Each time you pray.. don't be so focused on getting answers, seeing solutions, seeing change. "Your Father knows what you need before you even ask" - Jesus reminded us.
You will never need something that He does not provide.  (This is not the same as wanting something He does not allow.)

Give yourself some time to just wait in His presence.
Just. Wait.


In His presence is FULLNESS OF JOY.
Let the Holy Spirit give you the peace you long for, the joy your less-than-wonderful marriage has sapped from your heart, the wisdom to know He is in control.

IF PRAYER IS NOT CHANGING YOU - THEN CHANGE YOUR PRAYERS.  Change them in to seasons of just wanting to become One with Your Eternal Groom.

Seek the Lord.
And not only answers from Him.

 Oh.. and by the way.. if you wait patiently, if you pray continually, your husband will most likely be affected by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Oh. Yes. He will.

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you" 
1 Peter 5:7

XO,
Mrs. Older