Wednesday, February 10, 2016

WHEN YOUR HUSBAND GIVES YOU HIVES

"Hives" - a rash of round, red welts on the skin that itch intensely, sometimes with dangerous swelling, caused by an allergic reaction.

It's a temporary affliction - having hives. It's a surprise. It's a sign that your body has come in to contact with something that your body reacts to in a negative way.  Usually it's something you've eaten, or something you've touched.  Most people simply go to the store, buy some kind of antihistamine, and in a few hours, all is back to normal.

But if you keep eating the same food, or keep touching the same stuff, YOU WILL GET HIVES AGAIN. The ultimate cure is to identify what is causing the hives, and stay away from it. So, then, let's say you discover that you are allergic to an ingredient in a new vitamin drink you've started to drink.  What do you do? DUH.  You stop buying the drink. You stop drinking the drink. You don't TOUCH the drink.
  • You don't stand in your kitchen telling the drink to stop having the ingredient that is giving you hives.  No, you accept that you cannot change the drink.
  • You don't complain to everyone about how annoyed you are at the vitamin drink. No, you accept that if you simply avoid the drink, your hives are history.
 Pretty obvious, Mrs. Older.  What does that have to do with my husband?

The longer you are married, the more you will be surprised to discover that suddenly your husband is doing something, or saying something that will IRRITATE YOU. I hate to be the Big Bubble Breaker, but so many women expect marriage to be something else.  Something not realistic. Something that doesn't give you hives from time to time.

Trust me.  Someday without expecting it, something about your husband will give you hives - will irritate everything about you.  These Husband Hives become the only thing you can focus on. You are NOT able to IGNORE this irritation.  You will keep getting these hives until you identify what is causing them. Let me help you identify the irritant, and then let me suggest a cure.

You may THINK the cause of your irritation - your hives -  is that he doesn't spend money wisely, or his mother has too much influence over him, or he isn't the spiritual leader in the home that you want him to be.  THAT IS NOT THE CAUSE OF YOUR IRRITATION.

The cause of your irritation is that you think YOU are the cure.
You cannot change him. Not with words. Not with actions.
 The cure to these HUSBAND HIVES is to stay away from the irritant.

Stay away from handling it, examining it, discussing it, touching it.
 Stay away from keeping it in your hands, in your words, in your emotions, and in your spirit. 
HOW? 
GIVE IT TO GOD. SAY YOUR WORDS, BUT SAY THEM TO GOD!
IT'S CALLED "PRAYER"

Do not keep touching the subject of his mother and her influence! Unless you like hives.

Do not keep drinking the anger of his spending habits. Unless you enjoy big, red, blotchy irritants all over your spirit and your mid. 

Do not keep chewing on the injustice that he is not a spiritual leader in the home. Unless you want to have hissy hives.

Step back. Step away. 
And give the irritant to God.

Don't be surprised, though, if while you are praying about the Husband Hives, the Lord shows you something about Wife Welts and that your husband is asking God to help HIM deal with the things YOU DO that are irritating him. 
This cure - giving it to the Lord in real and honest prayer- is not something most women will accept.  Most women know it is ridiculous to scream at the bottle holding the vitamin drink that holds the ingredient giving them hives.  Most women would never spend hours, crying in front of the bottle, telling the bottle how heartbreaking it is that they will not - refuse to - change their ingredients. 

Sadly, many women don't see how ridiculous it is to think that screaming at their husbands will do a thing. Many women think if they can only convince - their husbands, their friends, their pastor - that what Mr. Husband is doing is WRONG, WRONGER, and WRONGEST - and giving them hives - that it will stop the irritation. It won't.  Justifying your annoyance at him never stops the husband hives. 

Most women NEVER get the truth that THEY HAVE NO POWER TO CHANGE THEIR HUSBANDS.
BUT GOD DOES.

Prayer is your ONLY answer. THE ONLY answer that will bring a CURE. 
If you want an instant emotional antihistamine to take away the annoying hives your husband is causing... you will life a life of utter, skin-scratching dismay. Pray. Every day. And give God time to change things. To change your husband. To change you.

You cannot change your husband with your words.
The only way your words will change your husband is when you offer them to God.
Give your husband - and the hives he is giving you - to the Lord.
Believe me, the skin you save will be your own. 

XO,
Mrs. Older

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Sunday, January 31, 2016

BE KIND TO YOUR SISTER - PART FOUR

Kindness.  It is the opposite of meanness.  The world is filled with mean people. The Church should not be.  Keep reading to the end of this blog. I have an assignment for you.

Your sisters in the Lord - each one of them has challenges, obstacles, unloving people and unkind people they must deal with.  This is truth whether you believe me or not. No one has a perfect, stress-free life. No one. Not you. Not me. Not any woman in any church.  You cannot solve the hidden struggles so many women struggle with.  But you can be KIND.    

If you do a quick look at the Bible you will see that the word "kindness" is almost always preceded by the word "show."  "Show kindness."

Kindness is not something people around us have to try and FIND in us.

Kindness is something we have to make the effort TO SHOW TO THE PEOPLE AROUND US.


King David asked, “Is there anyone still left of the house of Saul to whom I can show kindness for Jonathan’s sake?”  (2 Samuel 9:1)  The expanded definition for the word "show" is "to do, to execute, to spend, to offer, accomplish."

For David, the man after God's heart, kindness was something he wanted to do, to offer, to spend on someone who remained from the family of former King Saul. Saul, whose jealousy for David caused him to want to KILL him. And yet, because of Jonathan.. David wanted to DO kindness..

He found a son of Jonathan, he found the cripple - Mephibosheth.  I have heard people preach sermons about Mephibosheth.  How he is a foreshadowing of all of us.  Cripples who now sit at the table of The King. 

I don't want to take up the space here to list ALL the verses and ALL the stories in the Bible in which SHOWING kindness was the cornerstone of God accomplishing His will. (Email me if you want the list and I will email it back.)

KINDNESS is SOMETHING YOU MUST SHOW.
KINDNESS is SOMETHING YOU MUST REVEAL
KINDNESS is SOMETHING YOU MUST DO.

FIND SOMEONE you can SHOW KINDNESS. DO Kindness. Reveal KINDNESS.

What does kindness look like?
It looks like compassion.
It looks like mercy.
It looks like patience.
It looks like love.
It looks like Jesus.

That woman in church you know struggles with an addiction - to food or any other thing. BE KIND TO HER.
That woman in church you know has a husband who does not honor her, or love her, or care for her.. BE KIND TO HER.
The woman with the wayward child... BE KIND TO HER.
The woman who keeps making mistakes and destroying herself.. BE KIND TO HER.
SHOW...
DO....
REVEAL....
....KINDNESS

HOW?
The Holy Spirit will tell you how.
Maybe....invite her to join you and your friends to have lunch with you after church.
Maybe...don't walk past her in the lobby of the church.
KINDNESS. 
Don't make light of it because God does not.
KINDNESS.
Don't withhold it. 
“Anyone who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty.  (Job 6:14)

HERE'S YOUR ASSIGNMENT IF YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT.  Send me an email (awordtothewives@gmail.com) or add a comment here... and tell me about ONE WOMAN..
JUST ONE WOMAN
that YOU MADE AN EFFORT TO SHOW KINDNESS to.
THAT'S IT.

You don't have to be a Bible scholar to know how to show kindness.
You just have to be a follower of Jesus.
You don't have to change the world.
Just ask the Holy Spirit to show you one woman who needs kindness.

One woman.
One act of kindness.
Can you do that this week?

REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE WHERE YOU ARE
YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE
YOU HAVE WHAT YOU HAVE
BECAUSE GOD IS showing HIS KINDNESS to you.

The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. - Jeremiah 31:3

Consider therefore the kindness and sternness of God: sternness to those who fell, but kindness to you, provided that you continue in his kindness.  Roman 11:22

 At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit. Titus 3:3-5

XO,
Mrs. Older

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

BE KIND TO YOUR SISTER - PART THREE

"Now about your love for one another we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other.....yet we urge you, brothers and sisters, to do so more and more..."  
(1 Thessalonians 4:9-10) 

Every Christian woman.. every true follower of Jesus Christ...the women you go to church with, the women who go to other churches, every woman in every city of every state, and every woman in every country in all the world.. every woman who names the name of Jesus as her LORD.. is your SISTER.  Your FAMILY. 

In our human-ness, we forget this.  We forget that the REAL FAMILY.. the one that MATTERS TO GOD.. is His Family.  That Family is as important to Him as the people who live in your house with you.   

But sometimes we forget this.  
I am writing here to remind you.

Christians.  We are MORE THAN people who sit in the same church building for a few hours a week.. but we are MYSTERIOUSLY and MIRACULOUSLY JOINED ... FOREVER... by the power of the HOLY SPIRIT OF THE HOLY GOD in to a HOLY FAMILY.

Seems so silly for a woman who writes a blog to write about being KIND.
Not really.  Maybe we need to stop focusing on those BIG issues - what is my ministry, what is my gift, how can I be important, how can we get new members to help pay the church mortGage....and focus on the big question: AM I BECOMING MORE LIKE JESUS? AM I ALLOWING THE HOLY SPIRIT TO CHANGE ME FROM THE INSIDE OUT? 

AM I..........KIND? TO OTHERS? AM I?  This is a big deal question that God wants us to answer.  


In my last blog I wrote that the Bible's definition of kindness is mercy, long-suffering, compassion. You KNOW what being KIND is.

YOUR DAUGHTERS ARE WATCHING YOU, CHRISTIAN MOM, FOLLOWER-OF-JESUS WOMAN.   Does she see you being kind and compassionate toward others? Do you have patience and encouraging words for those women who annoy you to the bone?  Does she hearing you talking about people behind closed doors? 

How do you treat your "sister" who is a different culture than you are?
That woman of a different race? The one who loves Jesus? She's your sister in the Lord.  I am perplexed and confused and saddened when I see someone is a Christian... a follower of Christ... think it's acceptable to carry deep deep prejudice deep inside for decades and decades of life.  I find it impossible that someone who has BEEN FORGIVEN justifies her unwillingness to forgive a woman of another race.. a different culture. Find me the verse.. the chapter and verse.. which gives you permission to exclude someone from the FAMILY the HOLY SPIRIT has formed because they are different than you are. You cannot.

SO then.. sweet Mrs. Younger.. today I challenge you to think about your sisters.
And find one to be kind to.
The one who talks too much.
The one who eats too much.
The one who has too much drama in her life.
The one who expects too much from you.
The one who gives nothing to the friendship.
The one who has talked about you behind your back.
The one who has everything you want and don't have.

ASK THE LORD TO GIVE YOU KINDNESS.

You cannot do it on your own.
Only through allowing the Holy Spirit to give you the Fruit of the Spirit.

I saw this post on Facebook.  Let me know what you think. Add your comments.

I don't know that I have ever made a post like this but something I noticed today about being surrounded with church people is the lack of LOVE that some have for one another. Most cannot even be genuinely friendly yet we knock someone who doesn't show up enough for our services. Let me tell you why many don't show up...because they dont feel LOVE. If there is one feeling that better be in your church it's LOVE. Without the feeling of LOVE how can one believe God is among you. There are some who have "highly esteemed yourself" better than others (which the Word of God speaks against) . It says we are NOT to esteem ourselves above anyone. We don't all have the same gifts but one thing that is very important is LOVE. Without LOVE it doesn't matter how many good deeds you've did, or mission trips you take or how many church functions you attended, its all nothing if you don't have LOVE. I personally apologize to anyone if I have ever made you feel that I didn't show you kindness and love..anytime. The church, claiming to know Jesus and His love and forgiveness need to start showing it. You are always remembered for how you made someone feel. The lost are looking to the Church and our testimony and what are we "showing" them?? Love ye one another as Christ has loved us... 1 Corinthians 13, James chapter 2, 1 John are all a good read on loving one another.

XO,
Mrs. Older

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

BE KIND TO YOUR SISTER - PART TWO

I know.. I know.. I told you when I wrote the opening to this series on NOVEMBER 20th.. that I was going to continue it   "TOMORROW"... and here it is almost two months later.  I cannot give you an excuse.. but my explanation is that LIFE got in the way.. and I was writing and speaking and going places to speak MORE THAN USUAL... the HOLIDAYS seemed to come early this year...and plus.to be honest.. I was still having moments of really, really, really, REALLY missing my parents.. who passed away in June and July of 2015.. and so.. well.. all that to say... I'm back and here we go.

Speaking of kindness and sisters and FAMILY... I will tell you that Mrs. Older has cousins who are just like sisters. My mom had four sisters. Our family was VERY CLOSE. Recently, I was invited to speak at a church in Florida.. and many of my cousins and their spouses have relocated there.  We had a "reunion" for a weekend.  And my cousins were so LOVING to me.. so CARING to me.. SO KIND to me..so CONCERNED about me.. that it healed me back to the joy of the Lord. I know that grieving is a process - and that I will have moments when it returns -  but they helped me make a QUANTUM leap to healing. Just with kindness and caring. Not sermons and teaching. KINDNESS and CARING.And because they were kind to me, I feel healed inside. And because I feel healed inside I am writing to you again.  See how KINDNESS.. SIMPLE KINDNESS.... can affect the lives of so many people?  Don't overlook or underrate KINDNESS....Because God does not.

The Apostle Paul was reminding the Christians in Rome,

"Don't you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can't you see that His KINDNESS is intended to turn you from your sin?" (Romans 2:4 NLT)

Let's face it. We don't DESERVE God's kindness but He gives it anyway.   And what caused us to change our minds about Him.. and turn to Him?  HIS KINDNESS.  We know we deserve WRATH.. but it isn't HIS WRATH that causes us to turn to Him. It is the unbelievable truth that He LONGS to HAVE MERCY on me.. on you.. that makes us RUN to Him.  THE REASON we have what we have through Jesus is only BECAUSE GOD IS BEING KIND TO US.  And therefore, He expects us to show it to others.

"BE KIND TO ONE ANOTHER, TENDERHEARTED, FORGIVING ONE ANOTHER JUST AS GOD, THROUGH CHRIST, HAS FORGIVEN YOU"  (Ephesians 4:32 NLT)

WHAT DOES KINDNESS LOOK LIKE? (Really?  You don't know?)
The words the Bible uses to describe "kindness" are words like mercy, compassion, goodness, tolerance, long-suffering.  Forgiveness.  Give to others what God has given to you. 

WHERE DO WE GET KINDNESS? (Really? You don't know?)

Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit [the result of His presence within us] is love [unselfish concern for others], joy, [inner] peace, patience [not the ability to wait, but how we act while waiting], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law."
We get it from the Holy Spirit.. allowing Him.. asking Him.. to change us from the inside out.  If you WANT kindness... real kindness.. SIMPLY ASK FOR IT. God wants us to resemble JESUS.  

And so.. let's begin our journey to resemble THE KING OF KINDNESS.  Our Lord.  Our Father. Our God. 

MOMS...FOR TODAY... I would like to remind you that your daughter... is ALSO your sister in the LORD.  BE KIND TO YOUR DAUGHTER. (your son.  your children).  The Lord has lent HIS daughter to you.  

She is HIS daughter before she is YOUR daughter. 

We can forget this in our day to day living.  We think WE OWN our children.. but.. we are simply caring for them for the One Who Owns Our Children. 
How are you treating God's daughter? (And God's sons) Are you harsh? Merciless? Angry? Annoyed? Disgusted? Disappointed?  Be kind to your children. Have mercy. Show compassion.  It's true that frustration and fear of the future and finances can cause us to justify being unkind to those little beings who live with us.. they are so powerless.. so at the mercy of mom..... but you are called to BE KIND to them.  BE KIND, Mom.  Watch what you say in anger. It is wounding those sensitive hearts.  Try it today.  When they come home from school.. or when they are getting on your nerves...

Don't beat yourself up if you have been less than kind to them. Don't fall in to condemnation. OH NO... Your heavenly Father loves you, HIS DAUGHTER.  Remember that you are HIS DAUGHTER before you are anyone's mom.  Anyone's wife. Anyone's daughter. Simply ask Him to instill His kindness in you.  Simply ask Him.  He isn't HARSH and DEMANDING. Oh NOOOOO.... 

He will do the changing if you will do the asking. 

 2 Timothy 2:24 reminds us: 
"A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people."
If you do a study of the Word of God, you will be surprised how many times.. and how many stories.. have their basis in simple kindness. 
If you are UNKIND.. ASK HIM to change you. You cannot change yourself. Only God can change a heart.
WIVES...FOR TODAY..  I would like to remind you that your husband is your brother in the Lord.  BE KIND TO YOUR HUSBAND.

This is long enough for today.

REMEMBER that I welcome your comments.  My email address is "awordtothewives@gmail.com"

ALSO... invite your friends to receive this via email.  At the upper right corner it says "Follow by Email" (I don't know if you can find that if you are reading on your cell phone.)

OK.. everyone have the KIND of day that being KIND will give you.

XO,
Mrs. Older



Friday, November 20, 2015

BE KIND TO YOUR SISTER!

It doesn't take a genius to take something simple and make it complicated.  It takes a genius to take something complicated and make it simple.  And that is the genius of Jesus.  He explained the Kingdom of God by using simple things.  Using the things the people saw in their everyday life - sheep, wheat, fish, bread.  And I believe the reason so many of us are confused, and overwhelmed by this thing called "Following Jesus" is that we have complicated it beyond complicated.  It isn't complicated.  Unless you make it that way. Unless you want to keep saying you cannot do it, you do not understand it.  Telling yourself and anyone who will listen that you cannot walk the walk.  And the simple answer to those feelings is very simple. (DUH)  Tell God.  Just tell Him.  Whatever you feel. And then ask HIM to help you. He sees your heart. He knows if you REALLY want His help. And when you REALLY do.. He sends it. He will help you walk the walk if you really want to walk the walk.  If you just want to go to church and remain a powerless person.. that's your choice also.

Which brings me to another simple analogy the Bible uses to help us understand how to follow Jesus.  He uses the idea of FAMILY.  He refers to us as Children of God who are part of the Family of God.  For the next few blogs.. I would like to speak to every woman reading this who calls herself a follower of Jesus.  It's:

BE KIND TO YOUR SISTER!

Kindness.  A simple, overlooked, disregarded Fruit of the Very Spirit of Very God.  The Holy Spirit. The Comforter.  When the Holy Spirit is at work in you, He is producing His fruit. (not fruits..it's all or nothing...all His Fruit...)   And of all the things God's Spirit wants God's children to have... He lists KINDNESS.  Kindness?

Really, Mrs. Older, you're going to talk about KINDNESS.  YUP. YUP. YES!

We overlook and disregard the power and purpose of SIMPLY BEING KIND.. but God does not.  It's one of ONLY NINE "fruits" that the Holy Spirit is planting in God's Children. God could have chosen one of ninety nine bazillion words and attitudes to instill in HIs children.   He chose only 9. And one of them is "kindness."   A word study uses the word "gentleness" to describe what kindness is.  So another way of saying it could be:

BE GENTLE WITH YOUR SISTER !

BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHE MAY BE DEALING WITH BEHIND CLOSED DOORS.

It is tragic to have to acknowledge that I have seen Christian women be so UNKIND to their sisters. I have seen - and see- so many Christian women who are JEALOUS of their sister.  Or CONDEMNING of the sister. OR JUDGING a sister when they have NO IDEA WHAT SHE MAY BE DEALING WITH..or how her heart is broken... or why God has given her the personality He has given her. 

Not only that.. but we seem to have forgotten that if something is a BIG DEAL to God it should be a BIG DEAL TO US.  While we have been focusing on so many things that are NOT IMPORTANT TO GOD... we have lost sight of... and ignored... and often scoff at an elementary building foundation of a follower of Jesus.  KINDNESS. 

This is not a small thing. WE have decided that KINDNESS is no big deal.
BUT GOD HAS NOT. 
Ohhh.... you are going to be so interested to hear the TRUE stories of what women have been dealing with... and how the women around them often DID NOT offer SIMPLE KINDNESS.
And you will rejoice to hear about the many times the women around them DID.

These will be anonymous stories.  They will be... TRUE.  I will change some identifying aspects.. but they are all true.  And I pray that when we are finished with this SIMPLE SUBJECT you will see.. that...

KINDNESS CAN CHANGE THE WORLD.  

I love you.
More tomorrow... Yes.. tomorrow...
IF YOU WANT TO SIGN UP TO FOLLOW BY EMAIL... I AM NOT SURE HOW TO DO IT FROM A CELL PHONE... BUT.. if you go to this page on a computer or an iPad.. you can sign up to receive this via email by signing up in the upper right corner of the page.
UNTIL TOMORROW.. 
Mrs. Older

 

Monday, November 16, 2015

GOD DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME.

It is heartwarming to me when you write to me when I haven't blogged for a while to tell me you miss me.  I miss you too. Thank you for your emails. Thank you. 

So, here's a quick explanation..  I will simply say that a book I wrote about my mother .......and the Godly lessons she taught me about how to live life..... was published in July... It got some publicity because my mother was involved as a prayer warrior for a Christian movie that was released around that same time.... and I have been in a wave of UNEXPECTED speaking engagements.. etc. because of that.  She passed away in June. My father passed away in July.  Grief. Missing them... and... People wanting me to come and tell them about my mother's prayer life.  My writing assignments have been increasing because of that.. and.. so.. well....today...I am finally getting to a place where the grief is not overwhelming.. and neither is my schedule.

And in this season.. God is reminding me of something I always knew.. that my mother modeled in her life... and I would like to encourage you with:

The Word Of God is the way to overcome whatever life sends your way.  Whatever the Bible says about God, whatever the Bible says God says about Himself is so trustworthy that you can hang your life on those words. Your very life.  So then, just as he did in the Garden of Eden, satan tries to get us to doubt what God said.

Maybe you don't need comfort today about the loss of a loved one.. but maybe your grief is about a sickness... or a job loss... or a husband who is unloving...or a child who is wayward.  I want to encourage you.

When life gets difficult our mind can play tricks on us. Our emotions can blind us to truth.
We can think that God is unfair, or unloving, or unkind, or unapproachable. 
IT IS A LIE. DON'T BUY THE LIE.

Do you feel like God has abandoned you? Psalm 34:18 reads:  "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Brokenhearted? He is close. Crushed? He will save you. This is not a pep talk. This is TRUTH.

God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” 
Hebrews 13:5

A word study of the word "never" means...... NEVER. NEVER. EVER. EVER. NEVER.
A word study of the word "forsake means...  LEAVE BEHIND; ABANDON;

I would encourage you to get your Bible...
Ask the Holy Spirit (whose name is THE COMFORTER) to give you a promise to cling to.
And then..
CLING TO IT.

Are you thinking "God doesn't care about me"...?????
What does the Bible say?

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
1 Peter 5:7

You may FEEL like God doesn't care about you. But that isn't truth. Truth is what God's Word says.  HE CARES FOR YOU. YES... YOU.. yes... yes.. YOU.
 
In closing, I would like to say that sometimes we expect God to come INSTANTLY and make things right.  Sometimes.. He does just that.  Other times, He walks with us through it. And day by day He never leaves your side.  And then, one day, you look back and realize He never left you.  

I don't know how He will help you.  I don't know how He will comfort you.  I don't know when He will change your circumstances. 

I JUST KNOW THAT GOD NEVER BREAKS HIS PROMISE. NEVER. EVER.

Hang in there.
God is right there.
Right now.

I LOVE YOU...and so appreciate that God is allowing me to have so many people signing up to receive this blog.  Who knew? God knew.
XO,
Mrs. Older

Friday, October 23, 2015

THE SAD, SAD SILENCE OF SAMSON'S MOTHER... AND FATHER.

(ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE THE PARENT OF AN ADULT CHILD... I PRAY YOU WILL READ THIS TO THE END.)  
The story of Samson and Delilah is the kind of story people make movies about. Sadly, the focus of the story of Samson and all his Delilah's is on what happened to a man who flirted with disaster and... eventually... disaster won.  Sure, the end of his life ended with him defeating some Philistines with one great big victory.  But don't forget that this was AFTER he had his eyes gouged out and was living as a prisoner/slave to the very people God had created him to overcome. 
His destiny was to defeat the people who were oppressing God's people. He was created because God had compassion on the people who had so disobeyed Him that He allowed the Philistines to conquer them.  In Judges 13, we see that God speaks to a couple - Samson's parents - about the son they are about to conceive and his LIFE'S PURPOSE.   An angel of the Lord gives incredible news, "He will begin to rescue Israel from the Philistines." Judges 13:5

THE STORY OF SAMSON HAS BEEN SPINNING AROUND IN MY HEAD FOR THE PAST SEVERAL WEEKS.. BECAUSE...in the last several weeks, I have spoken with more than a few parents of adult children.  These much loved children are not following the ways of the Lord.  I can hear the anguish in the voices of the parents.   All of them have said, in one way or another, "I know what my child is doing is wrong, but he/she is an adult and I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY CHILD BY CONFRONTING THEM ABOUT SIN."  Really? Really.  It's been uncanny how this situation has presented itself to me in the last month or two. I prayed.. for them.. with them.. about them...and the story of Samson's parents came to my mind.  So I read it. And re-read it. And saw some things clearly.

It wasn't SAMSON who spoke to an angel of the Lord, it was Samson's mother and father.  It wasn't SAMSON who was told he wasn't to drink wine or cut his hair, it was Samson's mother and father.  It wasn't SAMSON who knew that God had set him apart for a holy destiny, it was Samson's mother and father.  So then God had entrusted the message of His plan for Samson's life to SAMSON'S MOTHER AND FATHER. AND EXPECTED THEM TO PASS IT ON TO SAMSON. And the Bible indicates that Samson led a set-apart life.  It indicates his parents were diligent to tell him what the angel told them about his life on earth.
Samson was human - like the rest of us - and had his weaknesses - like the rest of us.  Although he was a judge of Israel he was also a compromiser.  He was not supposed to be interested in Philistine women. After all, he was set apart.  He was called to be in the world but not of the world.

In Judges 14 we see a fork in the road for Samson. A fork that his parents allowed him to choose the wrong way.   We see the beginning of the end for Samson.  We see him telling his parents that a Philistine woman has "caught his eye."  According to custom the parents had to arrange the marriage. Samson's parents asked him, "Isn't there even one woman among ALL THE ISRAELITES you can marry?"  And that was the beginning of the end for their son... though they didn't recognize it. 

Their question should have been a statement: "NO.  You are NOT TO MARRY A PHILISTINE. NO. WE WILL NOT ARRANGE FOR YOU TO MARRY A PHILISTINE."


But evidently... they "didn't want to lose their son" so they did what he demanded. They let their son make a sinful choice. And by so doing... they damned him to the tragic loss of his eyesight.. and chains on the champion of the Lord... and being mocked by people who hated him. He lived a desperate end to a less-than-he-was-created-to-be LIFE.

The tragic part of Samson's story is that God intended a life of VICTORY and HONOR for Samson. God had a life of RULING with AUTHORITY for Samson.

And that's the life God has in mind for every child of every believer.  GOD WANTS YOUR CHILD TO BE MORE THAN A CONQUEROR. You probably did not have an angel of the Lord appear to you giving you specific instructions about your child and his life and his choices.  You don't need an angel to tell you what you son and daughter's life should be in order to life a life honoring God and His ways.  You have the Bible.

I will quickly end this blog with just a few opinions and comments about things I hear people saying that I do not see a basis for in Scripture.  They are:

  • "He's eighteen years old."   The law of the land tells us that an 18 year old is legally an adult.  This is truth.  However, the Bible never says that when a son is 18 or older, that he is no longer under the authority of... or the responsibility of... his parents.  Does it?  No.  It NEVER tells a father, "O.K. You're done with your son.  Don't get involved with your daughter.  They are eighteen years old now."   True, they leave home and make their own lives. TRUE, you cannot keep them from making unGodly choices. But there is not one Scripture which says "Well, she's an adult now. You cannot say anything to her about the way she lives her life."  There IS a Scripture about a SON leaving his parents WHEN he takes a wife.  But if your kid is unmarried, you might want to ask the Lord if HE told you you don't have a responsibility to keep them reminded about the Lord and His ways... or.. if Society has told you that.  You can't control them... you have to let them grow.. but.. that isn't the same as standing by and watching them walk away from the Lord without saying something to them.
  • "Silence is consent."  I don't want to take space to list all the legal ramifications of that sentence. (Email me and I will give you the information).  All through the legal systems of the world, it is understood that silence about a situation indicates consent. If you don't SPEAK UP about something.. you have.. by your silence consented to it.  So a parent who believes their child is doing something that is against the LAW OF GOD and stays silent.. is consenting to the sin.  Write me and I will give you Scriptures which describes how God views people who remain silent when His Law is being broken. 
  • "I don't want to lose my child. My grandchild."  Someone.. somewhere.. has convinced scores of Christian parents of adult children that if they DARE utter ONE WORD about SIN.. their child will walk away forever and never return.  REALLY? WHO TOLD YOU THAT? The other side of that story is maybe in your kid's heart, they KNOW you are afraid to lose them.. and would RESPECT YOU and YOUR WALK WITH THE LORD.. IF YOU CARED MORE ABOUT THEM LOSING THE LORD THAN YOU LOSING THEM. As a parent and a grandparent, I feel you. I know how you feel. So does the Lord.  The Lord knows how weak we are. The Lord is filled with compassion on you in your present state of confusion. BUT REMEMBER that YOUR CHILD is HIS CHILD FIRST.  How would you feel about someone you entrusted your children to, to watch them, and you let them wander away so that they are lost from you forever?  God is counting on you to be sure that HIS CHILD  doesn't get lost and away from Him.  In your attempt to not lose your child HERE you may be deceived in to not remembering you could be losing him/her FOREVER.
  • "Who am I to judge?"  I could write ten million blogs about this whole "Don't judge others" misrepresentation of what that means.  Only GOD is the JUDGE. The JUDGE is the one who HAS THE AUTHORITY TO PRONOUNCE and EXECUTE the PAYMENT FOR THE CRIME.  None of us has that power. None of us.  So then you are not JUDGING someone when you say, "Son, you are sleeping with your girlfriend and I want to remind you that this is sin in the eyes of the Lord."  Secondly, if you feel guilty and unworthy to point out disobedience to your child just because you have disobedience in your past, then you don't understand the love of God.  If you have confessed sin, God has forgotten it.  IF GOD HAD TO WAIT FOR SOMEONE TO BE PERFECT BEFORE THEY COULD SPEAK GOD'S TRUTH TO ANOTHER PERSON.. THEN.. no one would ever be able to speak God's truth to anyone. He uses less-than-perfect vessels.  
This is too long already. I may write about this again. I know I'll get comments about this. PLEASE comment.

Dear Christian parent, 

This is not about rejecting a kid because he's made a less than Godly choice.  God never rejects anyone. His love and warnings are always about RESTORING people to HIM. Are you sure your words of truth are not what God is waiting for?  Can you pray for your children to be reconciled to God - ask Him to do something - when your silence is deafening? Who is whispering the lie to you that if you make a stand you'll lose your kid? Is it God? Is God putting FEAR in to you?  NO. He never gives a spirit of fear, but of love, power and sound mind. If it isn't GOD telling you to keep silent.. (and He isn't) then WHO IS?

Samson died a blind and defeated specimen because his parents didn't stick to the word God had given them. They failed to remind him of his HOLY DESTINY.
Instead of Samson defeating the Philistines - the Philistines defeated Samson.

Instead of your child being used as an instrument of God's Glory and Power and Light - he/she is living with the shadow of compromise.

Don't let your kid go through life blind and defeated because you have failed to remind him of HIS HOLY DESTINY.  IN THE END.

YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER YOUR ADULT CHILD'S CHOICES. YOU DO HAVE CONTROL OVER THE MESSAGE YOU SEND CONCERNING THEM.YOU MAY BE SURPRISED HOW MUCH LIGHT A PARENT'S LOVING AND FIRM REMINDER OF GOD AND HIS WAYS WILL HAVE ON A CHILD WHO IS LOST AND IN DARKNESS.

You are not rejecting your kid because you remind him/her that eternity is real and so is separation from God.

It is love.
"God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him."
(John 3:17 New Living Translation)
 Don't fool yourself in to thinking that saying nothing is saying nothing.
Your silence says consent.
XO,
Mrs. Older.





Sunday, October 11, 2015

THE WORLD WORRYING CHAMPION

I know what it's like to worry. I am the World Worrying Champion. Let me rephrase that: I WAS the World Worrying Champion. Are you a worrying wife and mother? Does what COULD happen overshadow what IS happening in your life? Do you miss the blessings because you are focused on the fear? As the years have gone by, the Lord has helped me to trust Him more.  If you are a worrier.. I pray my words to you about His words to me will help you. 

Here's how He helped me:

1- I took my worrying to Him.  I was honest with the Lord.  I told Him that I knew that I could not be a woman of faith if I was a woman of worry. His Word clearly tells me that WITHOUT FAITH it is IMPOSSIBLE to please God. (HEBREWS 11:6) But honestly?  I just worried about every single thing.  I told Him I wanted to stop worrying all the time, but I just did not have the self-control to do so.  The world is a scary place.  People we love can get sick and die.  Finances can disappear in a moment. Betrayal. Rejection. Accidents. Confusion. Robbery. Disasters.. on and on and on. I thought it was a little unreasonable for God to expect me to not worry about stuff. But He does. So then I have to change ME to fit in to HIM and not the other way around.  So I could not change myself from being a worrier.. and so I simply told HIM. It's called PRAYER.

2 - He did not condemn me for being a worrier.  I cannot stress enough how LOVING and MERCIFUL I have found God to be.  His followers?  Sometimes not so loving and merciful. Sometimes they expect MORE from us than God Himself does.  So, I encourage you to GO TO YOUR FATHER IN HEAVEN.

DO NOT convince yourself that He does not care about your cares. Just the opposite. His Word says, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:6-7). 

The key to these verses is the HUMBLE YOURSELF part of it.  We try to FIGURE THINGS OUT without God.  We think He doesn't care that we are WORRIED about everything.  IT IS HUMBLING to go to Him as a child and say, "Father, I am a mess with worry. I cannot deal with this scary place called earth without You and YOUR help.  Help me. I am unable to do this without You."  Ahhh. THEN it says to cast it all on Him. Why? BECAUSE HE CARES ABOUT YOU.  It isn't nothing to Him that life is scary to you. It's something. When your child is sure there are monsters in the closet, do you berate your child? NO. You open the closet and take the fear away.  God wants to open the closet and show you that there is nothing to fear when you cast your fears on Him. Everything about YOU is SOMETHING BIG AND IMPORTANT TO GOD.

3. Today is the day.  God is I AM. He lives in the present.  The Israelites were wandering the desert. If HE didn't send food and water they would have died. They had much to be fearful and worried about. But He took care of them. Yes, He did. 

But He didn't send enough FOOD for forty years all at once. He sent it ONE DAY AT A TIME.   The Holy Spirit took the time to show that many of the issues that were tormenting me were going to happen on some tomorrow.  HE SHOWED ME THAT IF I JUST FOCUSED ON WHAT WAS NEEDED FOR TODAY... I would see that God had supplied MORE THAN I NEEDED for today.  And during this season of the Lord healing me of worrying, He also showed me that the thing I was worrying about that MIGHT happen two Fridays from now.. NEVER HAPPENED. Somehow.. God worked it out.

So.. 
Go to Him and admit your worry is crippling you... or ... causing you to limp through life when you should be LEAPING through it.
And let Him teach you how to live one day at time. 
And before long.. you'll look back and see that
all those days of resting in Him for THAT DAY ONLY.. have turned in to a LIFE of having faith.

FAITH is a one day at a time thing.


I love you. So many of you write to me and we have become friends.  If you write to me 

awordtothewives@gmail.com

I will answer you.

AND.. of course.. tell your friends that Mrs. Older is back to writing more regularly.. and ask them to SIGN UP to receive this. 

XO,
Mrs. Older

Sunday, September 27, 2015

FINDING TIME

I received an email from a Mrs. Younger who is signed up to receive this blog of mine.  (BTW.. thank you to all of you who HAVE signed up to receive this via email. Upper right corner of the page. I don't send you anything but this blog...promise.)

Anyway..she asked, "Mrs. Older, other than your spiritual advice to seek the Lord, read His Word, and ask for the help of the Holy Spirit to accomplish what is put before me, what OTHER advice would you give to younger wives and mothers?"

I answered her by saying, "Use your time wisely. I know you are hard pressed to find time for yourself.  So one reminder I would give you is that the time you have your children  under your care will fly by and before you know it they will be gone and on their own." 

Here's my advice...you can take it or not.. but.. here it is:

  • Include your children whenever you can in whatever you do.   I'm NOT saying you should be the kind of mother who brings her children when everyone else has taken the time to get a babysitter.  I know a mom who takes her daughter every where she goes. Actually and literally. To lunches with her adult girlfriends, to prayer meetings and Bible studies - and the little girl is a distraction. But I am saying that IF you can choose an event on a Saturday afternoon that can include  -rather than exclude - your children..CHOOSE IT.  Of course, you and Mr. Younger NEED time for yourselves. OF COURSE.. but.. don't give your children the impression that the two of you would give a right arm to get away from them.. whenever you can.  Children are IMPRESSIONABLE.. and you would be surprised at how intuitive they are to what's really going on inside Mommy and Daddy.
  • Weigh your "yes" carefully. Every time you agree to do something for someone or (forgive me pastors reading this) your church, you are giving time away that you could be spending with your family.  AGAIN.. I am NOT saying NEVER volunteer for anything.. but I AM saying.. remember that when you say "YES" to one thing it means you are saying "NO" to something else.  It isn't WRONG, in my opinion, for Mom (and Dad)  to have time out of the house.. but I see Moms (and Dads) who are SO OVER COMMITTED to everyone and everything else...that they are away from their home and their kids MORE THAN THEY ARE HOME.  I have found, however, that telling a parent to stop being gone so much is considered an insult.. so.. I try to keep from saying it unless a Mommy asks me why her kids are misbehaving.  I say, "STAY HOME MORE and PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR CHILDREN" Some moms take my advice... some moms don't. 
  • No time like the present.  God has promised to supply what we need.  Therefore, He HAS supplied all the time you need to get done what He has called you to get done. So then why are so many of so short of time??? If God has promised to supply what we need? Why doesn't He supply the TIME WE NEED?   OBVIOUSLY.. we are doing things that He never intended for us to do??? Maybe???  Ask Him to show you the TIME ROBBERS.. in your life.  TV watching? Internet browsing? 
  •  Be present when you are present.   It's true that life is challenging.. and you may have a boss to answer to.. and your husband has a boss to answer to.. and bills are piling up.. and laundry is never finished... and you are rushing to soccer, football, and dance practice.. but.. listen to that little four year old tell you a story.. STOP.. look her in the eye and listen. Don't brush of the thirteen year old's recounting of how unfair her teacher was today. listen. Just STOP and listen.  
Finding time right now might seem impossible to you.  Trust me, there is a fast approaching season when you will have more than enough time... to do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it.  It's an exciting time.. that empty nest time.. when God opens NEW doors, and DIFFERENT experiences.

BUT for now, He expects you to FIND THE TIME for your children.

I love you.
Mrs. Older

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

"HE'S WRONG! END OF DISCUSSION!"

Even though the last thing I had time for that day was to meet someone for coffee.....I met her, a 37 year old Mrs. Younger, for coffee because she called me and was crying about an argument she'd had with her husband. And because, as this blog is testimony to, I feel compelled to obey God's Word which tells the older women to teach and help and mentor the younger.   

She said, "I am so sad about our argument last night. Would you help me?"   I got dressed and met her an hour later at our local Starbucks. 

A mere three sips in to my vanilla latte (with an extra shot), I found myself thinking she got me here on false pretenses. I don't think she wanted help as much as she felt the need for someone to agree that her husband was "Wrong, wrong, wrong! End of discussion." 
After she said that a few times, I called her bluff and said, "Well, if the fact that he is wrong ends the discussion I'm gonna go home."  
"What? Why?", she asked.
"Well, if he's wrong, wrong, wrong, and that's the only thing that matters to you...why am I here? What is there to discuss? You've got the whole thing figured out already. He's wrong. You're right. Right?" 
"Well, I guess so, but what do you think? Is he wrong?"
 "I see his point and I see yours. You're both right. You're both wrong for wanting to be right more than wanting to be in unity." 

I asked her if she wanted some simple advice.  She said she did. Here's what I told her.

1- Being right doesn't give you the right to prove you're right.   It took Mrs. Older a couple of decades to embrace this reality.  I was a little married crusader who relentlessly pursued poor Mr. Older when he was on the wrong side - according to me -  of an argument.  I knew I was right, and by golly, I was going to prove it.  Being right gave me the right to prove I was right. Right? RIGHT!  One day Mr. Older looked at me and said, "O.K. you're right" and got back to what he was doing.  "I'm right?" I asked him. "Yup. You're right."  I was right? He was wrong? EUREKA!  I WON!  It  didn't feel as good as I imagined. I decided that day that proving I was right was not a right I was entitled to. I said to her, "If your only goal is to prove that he is wrong then you will continue to inflict serious wounds in your marriage.. and though you won't remember what you were arguing about a year from now, those tiny little shots will leave scars in both your hearts."

2- Being wrong is not as horrible as you might think.  I said to my young friend, "If you want me to tell you the truth, I think that your husband has some valid points in this argument you are having. Honestly? I don't think he's as WRONG, WRONG, WRONG a you think he is." She looked at me and said a sentence with such a horrified look on her face, you'd think she was telling me that her dog just died.  She said, "You mean I'm wrong?" 
"Yes.  It happens on a regular basis to the inhabitants of Planet Earth.  Everyone is wrong sometimes.  Even you."
I attempted to show her what I saw as "his side."  
"So then I'm wrong?"
I didn't play judge or jury that day.  I just told her I could see her husband's side. 

3- OPPOSITES OFTEN OPPOSE.  The glitch in the scenario of marital peace on earth is that you are not a man, and he is.  He is the OPPOSITE sex. He will see things UTTERLY OPPOSITE many times.He doesn't see things your way. Your girlfriends might.but.. not your husband.  It's time to mature and understand that just because he doesn't agree with you doesn't mean he is wrong. 

4- YOUR TONGUE WON'T FALL OUT AND SHRIVEL UP ON THE FLOOR IF YOU SAY THE WORDS, "I WAS WRONG. WILL YOU FORGIVE ME?" 
Or if it is utterly impossible to say those words, you can try something like, "I have to admit that maybe you do have some valid points."  You won't die.  You can be wrong and still stay alive. 

Finally... the Bible advises us "Do all that YOU can to live in peace with everyone." (Romans 12:18 NLT) 
This is not a suggestion.. but an actual teaching to followers of Jesus. 
TRY to live in peace with your husband.
This might mean letting something go when you really want to fight about it.

The HOLY SPIRIT of GOD.. is MORE THAN willing to change you from someone who has to be right, to someone who is able to admit it when she is wrong.

She called me a month later to say that God had shown her the deep pride that caused her to refuse to be wrong.  Not just with her husband, but most people she knew. She sounded so soft inside when she said, "I have admitted to being wrong more in this last month, than all the fourteen years we've been married.  It's the best thing that ever happened.'

The world is filled with people who refuse to see themselves honestly.
Don't assume you aren't one of them. 
The HOME you save will be your own.
I love you,
Mrs. Older
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Sunday, August 23, 2015

FINDING YOUR PRINCESS CROWN AGAIN

Married life would be great if every day was like our wedding day and our honeymoon.  Not so much because we want to live on a beach, or spend decades in our wedding gown...but because of the way we felt about one another.  On your wedding day, your husband saw no (or little) fault in you... and you felt the same way about him.  I know very few people, who, on their wedding day thought, "How will I endure life with this baboon of a man?"   I'm not saying people like that do not exist... I'm saying I don't know them.  And so the "honeymoon" is over when that small seed of his disapproval takes root in your heart. If you are not careful, sweet princess, it will grow big enough to crush it. 

I believe that the core of every marital breakdown begins with that first tiny seed of disapproval that our spouse knowingly or unknowingly plants inside our heart.

Suddenly, one day, you are no longer his perfect princess but a clutzy clown who just ruined his favorite golf shirt; or a whiny wretch who insists he look up from his cell phone at dinner; or a needy nagger who keeps spending too much money.

Let's face it, it hurts to see that glow in his eyes fade away. And that's the problem with so many wives I know. We spend our lives trying to make it reappear.  It hurts to lose our princess crown. It hurts to see him see us differently.

And once again, we learn from Jesus and His example. One minute He was popular with the crowds, the next minute they wanted to kill Him.  His example is that He did not allow His peace AND HIS TRUE IDENTITY to be based on what other people thought about Him. HE IS THE ONLY SON OF THE ONLY GOD. That didn't change because people's opinion of Him did.

John 2:23-25 reads, "Because of the miraculous signs Jesus did in Jerusalem at the Passover celebration, many began to trust in him. But Jesus didn’t trust them, because he knew all about people. No one needed to tell him about human nature, for he knew what was in each person’s heart." 

Jesus knew that people will change their opinion of you when you stop doing what they want you to do.  He wasn't moved by people's changing opinions.  And you shouldn't be moved either. Even if that person is your husband.

If you've been reading this blog for any time at all, you know that I'm all for trying to do our best to please our husbands.  Look our best.  Speak our best. Love our best. 
But some of you are allowing your every day to rise or fall based on your husband's approval rating of you.  And in so doing, you have lost sight of the Eternal Prince who continues to see you as perfect. 

Obsessing about what your husband thinks about you seems like the right and Godly thing to do. Spending time focused on looking perfect, being perfect, doing things perfectly in order to get him to applaud you seems wise.  It isn't wise to focus on a person so intently that you lose sight of the LORD WHO LOVES YOU the same way yesterday, today and forever.  I encourage you to not lose sight of whose crown has been placed on your head and will never be taken away.

Jesus loves you.  If your husband doesn't... tell Jesus.  Ask Jesus to change his heart. Pour your heart out to Jesus. 
HIS LOVE FOR YOU NEVER CHANGES. 
Focus on pleasing the Prince of Peace and He will take care of the rest.

Your royal husband delights in your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord
Psalm 45:11

I love you.
Thank you all for your kind words of sympathy and all your emails. 
XO,
Mrs. Older


Friday, August 21, 2015

WAR ROOM

Mrs. Older at the Atlanta Premiere of "War Room"

WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW.  I am amazed at how this blog is being read ALL OVER THE WORLD. So many of you have responded to my request in my last blog to "tell me who you are."   Please email me at:  LINK TO MY EMAIL

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know I never advertise stuff here.  BUT I would like to encourage you to go see the movie "War Room" which is being released on Friday, August 28th.  It will revolutionize your life. 

Thanks again.

XO,
Mrs. Older

Thursday, August 13, 2015

TELL ME WHO YOU ARE? PLEASE?

Hello dear, dear readers,

Would you do me a small favor?  Would you take just a few seconds and send me an email describing yourself in a sentence or two?  Just something like, "I am a thirty-nine year old married mother of three children...." and any other thing you may want to include about yourself.  (If you want to include your city that would be great also.) I want to include it in a future blog.  I won't use your name.

You may do it by posting a comment here or by sending me an email at: