Tuesday, October 7, 2014

WHAT ABOUT HIM?

So, like, three hundred and forty seven years ago, when I was a new bride,
I was a "What About Him?" kind of follower of Jesus. 

You know, like Peter was. In John 21,  Here's Peter, having denied the Lord, and he's sitting and having a conversation with THE RESURRECTED Jesus..which is mind blowing in and of itself... and Jesus.. being full of mercy and love... is dealing with their Resurrected Relationship.  "Do you love me Peter? You do?  Well, feed my sheep if you do."

And Peter, being a lot like Mrs. Older was.. asked the Lord, "But what about him?" pointing to another follower of Jesus.  Jesus answered, "What is that to you? You must follow me.” (John 21:22)

WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH MARRIAGE???

Any Christian wife has got to remember that being a Christian wife means JESUS has RESURRECTED her RELATIONSHIP WITH HER HEAVENLY FATHER.

We are always to remember this.

We are RESURRECTED people. Here and now.  This humility of attitude is something Peter didn't have before the Holy Spirit arrived in his life.  This humility of attitude is something the Holy Spirit wants to cultivate in the life of every follower of Jesus.  Including wives.

Lots of times.. it's easy to fall in to a "What About Him?" attitude in our marriage.  We pray prayers that are like... "Well, Lord, what about him? He isn't obeying you. He isn't loving me like you do. He isn't laying down his life for me? He isn't being a spiritual leader. He's a failure. He's a weak person. What about him, Lord?"

We forget that the ONLY REASON we even have the right to discuss our husband's failures with God is because of our RESURRECTED RELATIONSHIP with Him.. thanks to our LORD JESUS... And when we ask the Lord those kinds of questions, sweet wives, Jesus answers us today as He answered Peter,   

"What is that to you? You must follow me.” 

I must do what God calls me to do in every area of my life.
I need the Holy Spirit to change me from a

"What about him?" kind of woman 

in to a 
"What about You" kind of woman.

A "WHAT ABOUT YOU?" WOMAN ASKS:

"What about You, Lord?  What do YOU want me to do in this situation? What are you requiring of me, Lord? Do you want me to forgive? I will. Do you want me to have mercy? I will. Do you want me to submit? I will. Do you want me to prefer his needs right now? I will.  What about YOU LORD?"

My husband, BTW, is an amazing man of God. Kind. Tenderhearted. Loving. And STILL... I used to wait until HE was doing what HE was supposed to do as an excuse for not asking the real question.. "Lord, what about You?"

The answer to that question always starts with one word: OBEY.

After 45 years of marriage.. I can tell you that a wife whose main concern is obeying God is a wife whose God will take care of her. No matter what.

Thanks for sending me emails. I LOVE THEM. (awordtothewives@gmail.com)
XO,
Mrs. Older


Thursday, October 2, 2014

OVERWHELMINGINGLY OVERWHELMED

This blog is for the silently suffering sister out there who has simply given up and decided... "I can't do this.  Anymore. Not for one more day."  I'm not talking to someone who wants to give up on life - but to a wife and mother who is sure she is not capable of being a success at being a wife and mother.  And if you are a Christian woman... sometimes you feel guilty that you are not simply overcoming this overwhelming overwhelmingness.  Here are some things to think about:

1-. Feeling overwhelmed is not a sign of weakness.

Sometimes life has seasons where things are just too much. This is how life is.  Somewhere, somehow, the overwhelmed woman believes she is weak because life IS overwhelming at the moment.  Jesus was overwhelmed in the Garden when He realized what God was expecting of Him. Even though He was fully God, even though He knew the reason He came was to conquer Death....He said, "Father, take this away from me. I cannot drink this cup!" Please find comfort in the fact that Jesus - ABOVE ALL OTHERS - understands what it feels like to see and know what God is requiring from you and being convinced that you are not able to drink that cup. It isn't a coincidence that He knew that PRAYER was the only thing that would give Him the POWER.  Don't think He is disappointed in your weakness.  He FULLY understands. RUN to Him in prayer. Pour out your heart.  He cares. He does. He does.
“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he said to them. Stay here and keep watch.Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him." (Mark 14:34-35)

2-Feeling overwhelmed is the way Godly people often feel.

Sadly, in many Church circles, we feel the need to act like Christians never have anything but OVERCOMING thoughts. We all ACT so PERFECT that it is a wonder Jesus felt the need to leave Heaven and rescue us.  However, the Bible paints a different and more truthful story about the people God loves and cares for.  Feeling incompetent, and insecure and inept is a common thread throughout the Old and New Testament.  I don't want to take up the time to tell the stories of overwhelmed people like Moses - who had the nerve to tell God Himself that He had made a big mistake, "I am sure you've got the wrong guy, Jehovah. Get someone else to deliver Your people."  Ever feel like Moses?  Do you ever think that God must have made a mistake when He decided to give you the husband and children you have? Do you feel inadequate to be what you need to be? Well, so did Moses. And look how God helped him accomplish what He had in mind for Moses. God showed Moses He IS the God who can split the Red Sea.  And He is the God who showed Joshua that HUGE WALLS fall down through something as simple as PRAISE. 

And how about Jonah, Ezekiel, Gideon, Hannah, David and Jeremiah? These GREAT people of the Bible all had, "I can't do this anymore" moments.  Peter? Paul?  The Bible doesn't hide their OVERWHELMED moments... As a matter of fact, MOST people in the Bible had SEVERE DOUBTS about their ability to figure life out.  Most of them finally realized they couldn't... and just fell upon the mercy of a loving God to guide them. You can do the same thing. 

"When I am overwhelmed, you alone know the way I should turn." (Psalm 142:3)

3. Feeling Like God Doesn't Care Is A Normal Reaction

Sometimes life hits a person with wave after wave after wave - all at the same time. We don't feel like quoting Bible verses and praying prayers. We just want the storm to stop. We want the fear to stop.  We want the waves to stop. But it doesn't stop. It keeps getting worse. And it seems like God is asleep, and when you pray you get His voice mail. 

The only thing more overwhelming than being overwhelmed is feeling like God doesn't care that you are.  Well, join the group the Bible calls The Disciples.  They were fishermen, used to storms, but were in The Big One and sure it was going to kill them. And they accused Jesus, saying,  "Don’t you care if we drown?” (Mark 4:38) And Jesus stood up, said three words. And the storm stopped. And their question was, "Who is this Man that even the winds and waves obey Him?" 

You know what Mrs. Older has discovered as I look back on my long life? Storms are sometimes sent so God can prove to you HOW POWERFUL HE IS.  True, you may not want to hear that right now. You may not want to ask Him to help you to ENDURE until His answer comes.  BUT... You cannot see the power of God unless and until you see Him get you through something you cannot conquer on your own.In the end, when you are old enough to have enough life to LOOK BACK ON.. you will understand that God's LOVE is the reason He allows storms.  So that you can see that He can conquer them. Once you KNOW for YOURSELF that NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE for God... then His perfect love takes away fear.

If you feel like you have lost your grip on God.. if you feel like you are just too weak... HOORAY! 
What GREAT GREAT JOY and FREEDOM awaits the person who finally comprehends that being His follower is not about our ability to hold on to Him, but His power to hold on to us. You can't hold on any longer? Relax. He's got you.  Until you come to the end of your own strength.. you will never begin to comprehend the unexhaustable power of the Heavenly Father Who Loves You.

You may be getting splashed in the face with wave after wave. but He's still holding you.  Financial problems.? He is holding you.  Marital problems? He is  holding you.  Health problems? He's holding you.  Feeling insecure? Holding you. Feeling guilty? Holding you.  Feeling afraid? Holding you.
Always. Eternally. HOLDING YOU.

How do I know these things?
Mrs. Older has been where you are.
And I can tell you with GREAT assurance that every single person mentioned.. saw their storm end. And victory arrive.
 
And I have found - IN RETROSPECT OF COURSE -  that God is being the MOST LOVING to me when He creates a situation in my life that I CANNOT FIGURE out on my own..
Being overwhelmed is no fun.
But it's just a season.
Seasons change.
Hang in there.

THIS IS LONG ENOUGH.. already.

Thank you to all of you who send me emails.
We are, some of us, becoming friends, aren't we?
Keep sending me emails. (awordtothewives@gmail.com) I LOVE GETTING THEM.
And feel free to leave your comments.  (Even if you don't like what I wrote. I can take it.)
Love,
Mrs. Older


Tuesday, September 30, 2014

JESUS ISN'T EXHAUSTED. YOU ARE.

My grandmother was a saint of a Godly woman, whose mastery of the English language was limited. When she tried to speak to her grandchildren she would say a sentence in English, and then speak in her native tongue to her daughters - and they would explain exactly what she was trying to say. 

One of her favorite phrases in English was simple:  "The spirit is the spirit and the flesh is the flesh."   What she meant is that no matter how much a woman wants the things of God, wants to hear God's voice through His Word and through prayer, wants to be the kind of wife and mother God intends for her to be  - a tired body trumps a willing spirit every time.  Jesus explained it to His disciples who were too sleepy to stay awake and pray with Him in the Garden of Gethsemane, "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." (Mark 17:38)

I would like you to consider something.  Don't dismiss your constant exhaustion as something non-spiritual in nature.  Maybe one of the tricks of the trade of the Enemy of The Family is not always something as obvious as adultery, pornography, financial woes or a meddling mother-in-law.  Maybe?? Maybe??? He creates a lifestyle that so exhausts us that no matter how willing our spirits may be... OUR FLESH IS TOO TIRED TO CARE.

Could be the reason that one of Jesus FIRST invitations was to EXHAUSTED PEOPLE.    He said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you.  Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."  Matthew 11:28-30.

The exhaustion was two-fold: people who were weary of religious ritual and peole who were exhausted from hard labor.  He promised that when an exhausted person simply comes to Him... comes to His side.. He will give that person rest.  You don't have to sign up for a ten-week course with homework about "LEARNING HOW TO REST." Nope.. He simply gives you a coffee break from life IF YOU WILL SIMPLY GO TO HIM.

Second... those verses tell us that if, after we simply come to Him,  we then begin to life a LIFESTYLE of being yoked to Him, leaning on Him, letting Him lead... the rest will actually TAKE RESIDENCE in our souls.  In other words, you and I will find the peace we crave because it will become part of us in our very soul.

Dear sweet exhausted woman, just cry out to Jesus right now. Just tell Him, "HELP. I AM EXHAUSTED."

And then... He will begin to show you the things in your life that are sapping your energy.  I have heard many well know Christian leaders say, "Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is take a nap."  I wonder if they knew my grandmother.

You cannot see life clearly through exhausted eyes.
Maybe the best advice you will hear is what I am about to tell you:
TAKE A NAP.
TAKE A DAY OFF.
CANCEL SOME COMMITMENTS FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS.
STAY HOME.
REST.

Eventually, your lifestyle will have to include RESTING YOUR BODY.
But today... take some time to let Jesus HOLD YOU.
Jesus isn't exhausted. You are.  He never runs out of strength.
Lean on Him.

I know it sounds old-fashioned and simplistic.
I am sorry if you feel that way.
However.. it's the truth.
LOVE YOU....
LOVE YOU....
Mrs. Older

Friday, September 26, 2014

TWO PEOPLE WITH ONE REPUTATION

People have lots of opinions about tattoos... and so let's not discuss your opinion about tattoos.. let's look at the picture.  I think this picture says ten thousand words about how God looks at a married couple.  They are no longer two.. but together they make one new beautiful creation.  This is you and your husband before God. Two people becoming ONE NEW AND BEAUTIFUL THING.  

True, the left hand isn't the right hand and the right hand isn't the left hand.   BUT... in order to see the whole picture.. BOTH hands must meet as one.  Everything about that picture is incomplete without the other hand. 

Now, the left hand doesn't NEED the right hand to survive... and neither does the right hand.  The left hand can do lots of stuff on its own - as can the right hand.  BUT.... in order for the world to see THE WHOLE PICTURE OF WHO THEY ACTUALLY ARE... they must be close. They must be as one. 

Today... I just want to remind my sweet Mrs. Younger readers that your husband's reputation is in your hands.  Furthermore, HIS REPUTATION becomes your reputation and vice versa.  WHY?  You are one.  The Bible tells us in Proverbs 22:1 -

"Choose a good reputation over great riches; being held in high esteem is better than silver or gold."

What is your husband's reputation according to the words you speak about him and to him?

Today...think about the words you say ABOUT your husband.  In front of the children; in front of your extended family; in front of your friends and neighbors.

Today... think about the words you say TO your husband.  In front of the children; in front of your extended family; in front of your friends and neighbors.

A wife who publicly tears her husband down with her words is tearing herself down at the same time.

A wife who publicly honors her husband with her words is honoring herself at the same time. 

I have heard some women... in an effort to get help, or find support, or simply vent.. SAY THE MOST DEMEANING THINGS ABOUT THEIR HUSBANDS IN PUBLIC.  When my husband was a pastor, I tried to encourage our women to find someone to pray with when they had struggles in their marriage.. but I also reminded them that not every single thing that is wrong with your husband has to be told to every single person you meet.

Truth is...every person alive... every husband... every wife... is just a flawed human.  We are most like God when we choose to see Jesus in another person and not that person's flaws.

My dear husband of almost 45 years - Mr. Older - isn't perfect but you'll never hear me telling you why.

Think before you speak.  The reputation you save will be your own.
I love you,
Mrs. Older
P.S. WOW.. WOW... and DOUBLE WOW.. to all of you who have chosen to sign up to receive this via email. (Upper right corner of the page)
After you sign up, you will get a confirming email.  Follow the instructions.
The only thing you will receive is this blog when I write a new one
PERIOD.
The End.
ALSO.. if you care to leave your comments or send me an email (awordtothewives@gmail.com) I would be a very happy OLDER WOMAN.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

MARRIAGE IS LIKE A FOOTBALL GAME.

Football season has arrived once again.  Every level of humanity in America is affected by football season.  Starting with the NFL, all the way down to twelve year old children in Middle School... football is upon us.

I'm hoping you have a football kind of marriage.  When you watch football, everyone on the team is happy to simply be on the team.  Everyone on the team has one goal - to win.  Everyone on the team knows that the OTHER team has the opposite goal for their team - to lose.  So you have one team trying to score and the other team trying to keep them from scoring.

Have you EVER seen a football game where the wide receiver - who wasn't able to catch the game winning pass - ran back to the quarterback to scream at him about the poor pass he threw? Or that he threw the pass too early?  Or too late?  Of course not.  No one on a winning football team wastes time pointing out the faults of the other person on the team.  They just get up and keep playing.

Have you ever seen a winning football team where the quarterback was offended and pouty and wouldn't play because he didn't want to have to listen to his coach?

Have you ever seen a winning football team who forgot that the OTHER TEAM was playing to defeat them and make them go home crying?

No.  NOT A WINNING TEAM.

But in so many marriages, one spouse uses up so much time blaming the other one - and- not willing to take the blame for their own mistakes - and -  being offended because The Coach in heaven has rules about the way to play the Game of Marriage. (though marriage is no game)

Also.. in so many marriages one or both spouses seem to forget that there is ANOTHER TEAM out there... the opposite of God's team... and their only goal is to be sure your marriage loses.

Marriage is a team sport.  Every person involved has their own job to fulfill to be sure that marriage succeeds.

There's a difference between being an expert and having experience.  I'm no expert, but God has blessed me with a happy marriage for the past four and half decades.  I know from experience that until and unless you accept that you and your husband are on the SAME TEAM...you will actually be playing for the OTHER TEAM without realizing it.

Ask God to help you see marriage the way HE SEES IT.
And He will.

I love you,
Mrs. Older

P.S. So many of you are sending me emails.. and we are becoming "friends."
Thank you.  I try to answer every email I receive.

Email me at:  awordtothewives@gmail.com

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

LOOKING GOOD FOR YOUR HUSBAND - AGAIN.

BY FAR.... THE MOST POPULAR POST MRS. OLDER HAS EVER POSTED IS THE ONE TITLED "LOOKING GOOD FOR YOUR HUSBAND" which I posted on May 14, 2013.  I don't know WHERE the traffic is coming from, but baby it's coming.
I have posted a link at the bottom if you'd like to read the original post.
But some of the comments were so good.. I have listed them here..  After the comments is a link to read the original blog. LOVE YOU ALL.

COMMENTS:

Mark Williams May 14, 2013 at 8:04 AM
After twenty five years of marriage, and three children, my wife follows this advice. To me she is as beautiful as the day we met. In my role as a pastor and counselor I would say that women often underestimate the power of their appearance. I agree with you, and know that you are a brave woman to have posted this. I await the additional, less friendly comments that will appear. Blessings to you dear woman of God.


Anonymous May 14, 2013 at 8:23 AM
OMG I was making fun of this post as my husband and I were driving to the dentist. And after reading it, expecting him to laugh at you along with me he said 'she isn't entirely wrong'. Which has started a long discussion about how men (not him of course) are visual more than women. This in turn has gotten me thinking that it is possible he is telling me to care about my appearance more than I have been doing. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG.

Anonymous May 15, 2013 at 6:05 AM
I wholeheartedly agree and I thank you IMMENSELY for speaking truth. It DOES matter to our husbands, even if they don't outright say it! I think taking the time to look refreshed and pleasant to our husbands is a way to show them respect, which is a great need for most men. I'm a stay~at~home~mom who did have four children in four years (one set of twins!)and I homeschool full~time. About half an hour before my man gets home, I fix my hair, put on some lip gloss and spray my vanilla spritzer on. He's never commented on this BUT I assure you he would notice if he came home and I hadn't done those things. Excellent post and a great reminder! : )



Elizabeth@Warrior Wives May 16, 2013 at 1:16 PM
Oh, I love this!! I've read many posts on how wives should stay attractive for their husbands and I have heard no end of complaining and griping about how our husbands shouldn't care. And about how our bodies change after babies, etc...I find all that frustrating because you're absolutely right - we should CARE the way we used to, not necessarily LOOK the way we used to. LOOKING the way we used to is just downright impossible sometimes; I'll never erase the scar from c-sections or the sagging skin and stretch marks from 3 pregnancies, but I can still take the same amount of care over my appearance to try to delight my husband. (Who, for the record, says he doesn't even notice all those stretch marks, thinks I'm beautiful and loves that I make an effort to not be frumpy) And for all those people who say they have no time because they have kids...no, you have time. If you have time for Facebook, you have time to change out of sweatpants or put makeup on. If something is important to you, you will make time.



Anonymous September 19, 2013 at 5:54 PM
ok I agree but you failed to mention anything about how he should treat you the way he did when you first met and make an effort and help around the house like he use to or make time just for the 2 of you like he did in the beginning. Date nights are still important after 20 years. Knowing that your hubby wants to spend time with just you like he did in the beginning is important. I'm so sick of do for the man do for the man...it is a 2 way street people! you both have to do for each other no matter how long you've been together!


Gaye @calmHealthySexy May 16, 2013 at 2:08 PM
Very good advice. We may not want this to be true, but I think it is true. The idea of keeping the focus on caring as much rather than looking the same is brilliant.


Jim B.  May 16, 2013 at 5:54 PM
I don't know exactly why I, as a husband, find this blog so interesting, as I'm not its intended audience, but it's great. Let me offer a bit of advice to the fellas who may be seeing this: YOUR appearance matters to your wife, too, even if they're not quite as "visual creature" as men are. This is good advice for the men too.


rockhisworld May 17, 2013 at 1:49 PM
I have to agree. I enjoy seeing her much more when her hair is fixed and she is wearing something nice. It honestly makes me want to spend more time with her. Am I shallow? Maybe. I love her either way, but enjoy her looking nicer more. Just like, there are some meals I like better than others.

I understand that my wife cannot look her best every day, but I also don't enjoy it when she spends days in those stupid gray sweats that she loves. I have threatened to burn them and replace them with something in a better color. :)

I also know that I should do my best to look good for her. I try to do it, whether she is in her gray sweats or the nice sweats I did buy her.


Anonymous May 21, 2013 at 7:09 AM
Thank you for being brave enough to post this! It is far to easy for us as wives/moms to take our husbands for granted in this way. I see it as a way of respecting my man and showing some self-respect, too. We don't need to vacuum in a starched dress, heels, and pearls, but showering, wearing something other than sweats, and not looking sloppy are reasonable expectations. When I make the effort to look put together for him (and my kids; they don't want to be embarrassed by my appearance, either!), I feel better about myself.


KM Logan May 30, 2013 at 3:59 PM
THIS IS THE BEST ADVICE I have read on this subject! I have read so many posts that take the tone, if you don't wear makeup or take time to do your hair then you're a bad woman. I've read so many blog posts because I physically can't wear makeup,I've been dealing with facial cysts that make my chin swell up to the size of a softball, my hair went through some trauma and started falling out, and I had 3 babies in 3 years! I can't look the way I used to look, but I do care. Thank you! This is what so many posts I read are lacking. They make me feel inadequate simply because I'm stuck in my skin. I do care about my appearance even if it is worse than I'd like it to be.

Stephage August 14, 2013 at 12:07 AM
Okay this is great! And you're awesome!
I don't want to come off as conceded or anything when I say I am a very attractive woman, I don't need to wear makeup to look amazing and after three kids I think my body is even better, but what good is that? It makes me lazy, sometimes cleaning the house and cooking and looking after the kids I don't even change out of my pjs heaven forbid brush my hair, my poor husband tells me I'm the most beautiful woman in the world regards if I even brush my teeth!
So after reading this I changed Mu clothes, put some light make up on brushed my hair and put some nice perfume on so when My man comes home today to a clean house happy children and warm meal he will also come home to a woman who said " hey you're still worth getting dressed up for "
Thanks!

Mindy Pribe September 13, 2013 at 12:32 PM
My soon to be hubby and I were just talking about this. I googled "How to look good for my husband" and this blog popped up. I clicked on it and started reading. It has everything he was trying to explain to me. PLUS you included God!! We are Christians and it was so awesome to read a godly post. Kinda like God wanted me to read this. Thanks!!




HERE'S THE LINK TO THE ORIGINAL BLOG POST:


LOOKING GOOD FOR YOUR HUSBAND

Sunday, August 10, 2014

IT'S SO MUCH EASIER TO CURSE THE DARKNESS

It's been said that it's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. (The quote is attributed to various sources).
 
My "candle" has become to URGE the older women in church to love and guide and nurture the younger ones. 

It's SO MUCH EASIER TO CURSE THE DARKNESS. To sit back and do our lives... to play with out grandkids.. and go on vacation.. fix up our homes..and... we look around and sadly shake our heads and ...bemoan and mourn about how SAD IT IS WHAT SATAN IS DOING TO FAMILIES...but we never take a look in our 10X mirrors and grasp that WE ARE GOD'S ANSWER to what satan is doing to families.  Does God have a plan to save the younger generation? YUP.  Look in the mirror.  You're the plan.

Trust me.. Mrs. Older is NOT a cranky old lady... I write HUMOR columns.  I am a happy little trooper of a woman. BUT THIS CANDLE IS BURNING SO HOTLY WITHIN ME.  BURNING DEEPLY.   This little blog is just one way I am lighting candles... PLEASE CARE FOR THE YOUNGER WOMEN AROUND YOU. Be there.  Care. Love. Teach. Nurture.  THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS RETIREMENT IN THE KINGDOM OF GOD.  You may not be a Bible teacher, but you know LOTS OF THINGS that younger women would WELCOME. 

A blog or two ago, I asked younger women to write and tell me their side of the story.  This woman commented.  I am INCLUDING her comments here...

Thank you sweet woman for posting them.


"I think there are a few things that play into this dynamic. Women from 20-40 have been raised in a feminist society that double-dog dares us to admit we can't do or know it all by ourselves. This is terribly unbiblical, but most of us don't even know that. We were largely raised in homes where God was only mentioned occasionally if at all. We may have been taken to Sunday school and VBS, but we weren't taught at home because our parents were both working to provide us with a "better life." Because we are following in their footsteps, we are much more influenced by societal norms than biblical truth. 

We desperately need help from women who've been there and done that, but we believe that to acknowledge that need is weakness. For those of us who do know our Bibles and value its truth and our Savior more than what society would have us believe, pickin's are slim. It's rare to find a woman our mothers' ages who is spiritually mature enough to help us.

In my case, I have several wonderful, older, godly, bible-brained women whom I can ask for help. I feel VERY blessed in this. Of course, these relationships happened because I did actually ask for help. I remember the first older women to offer me help without my asking. She was persistent even though I gave her the, "I've got it covered," attitude (I was 23 and quite arrogant back then). She became one of the most precious people to ever love me. We developed a beautiful relationship, though I never made it easy for her. She was willing to face my rejection of her offer of experience in order to love me. Sounds like Jesus, doesn't it?  

Older women, please don't take our arrogance and falseness personally. Do what God calls you to do even if we aren't mature enough to appreciate it. It WILL make a difference."

Saturday, August 9, 2014

FIVE THINGS I WOULD TELL YOUNGER WIVES IF I WERE BRAVE ENOUGH.

1. YOUR HUSBAND IS JUST A MAN.
Many younger wives expect the guy to be Jesus in a suit, providing an excellent lifestyle, and putting her needs so far ahead of his own that he can't even figure out what his needs actually are anymore.  And God help him if he even tries.  He was not created to heal your childhood abuse, your disappointments in life, and your inner need for inner peace. Only Jesus can do that. Don't crucify your husband for not being Jesus.  Jesus was already crucified in your husband's place. 

2. YOUR CHILDREN ARE RUNNING YOUR LIFE. 
Yes. They. Are.  As someone who has been in leadership roles in church, and as a pastor's wife for many years.. I know from experience that you can tell a woman any thing on earth - EXCEPT- something about her kids.  Or how they have been given WAY TOO MUCH POWER.  In my real life, I deal mostly with evangelical women who go to church regularly.  One thing I see TOO OFTEN is wives who are SO FOCUSED on the children that dad becomes Mommy #2 instead of Daddy #1.   

You need the Holy Spirit to give you the wisdom to know when you are to place more importance on being Someone's Wife than on being Someone's Mom.  I'm not telling you to ignore or abuse your kids.  I'm just telling you that.. they will NOT DIE.. if a couple of nights a week they don't get to do everything they want to do ... or heaven help us all.  I'm just saying that too many women are using the children as a way to control their husbands.  I'm saying that I deal with too many women whose husbands are TERRIFIED TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT BEING TREATED AS A NANNY instead of a HUSBAND. 

For the love of God and your marriage, do something as a couple now and then.  Send the kids to Grandma's house.  Go out on a date.   Listen to your husband's heart again.  Do you know what he is dealing with? At his job?  In his heart?  Do you take the time to hear your husband speak? Do you tell the children to be silent when Daddy is talking? 
IF YOUR SCHEDULE IS SO BUSY THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO LISTEN TO THE MAN GOD GAVE YOU.. THEN... CUT SOME THINGS OUT OF YOUR SCHEDULE, WOMAN!

Do you show the children that Daddy had a life before they did?  Who runs the house?  Your children need to SEE you honoring their daddy as the head of the home, and not view him as just someone else WHO IS AFRAID TO STAND UP TO MOMMY.   Sure, he needs to help, but he isn't your kid. Stop barking orders at the poor man. 

3. YOU ARE NEGLECTING YOUR APPEARANCE
God looks at the heart, this is true. And you have a beautiful heart, I'm sure.  However, man (as in...YOUR HUSBAND...) looks at the outer appearance.  Yes.  He does.  I don't know why men are created that way, but God knows why.  I'm not going to argue with the Almighty Creator of Humanity.

Now before you post comments about the four kids, and losing weight, and not having time, etc.... I know and I feel your frustration.  I'm not saying LOOK the way you LOOKED, I'm saying CARE about your appearance the way you CARED.  (I wrote about this in this blog's MOST POPULAR entry.. "LOOKING GOOD FOR YOUR HUSBAND. You can click on that post.. over on the right hand column)   It's true, there are seasons in life - having a newborn, or being ill - where your appearance should be the LAST THING that matters to your husband.  But if you are not in one of those seasons.. trust me.. sweet woman... YOUR HUSBAND NOTICES THE WAY YOU LOOK.   Fix yourself up.  Throw those sweat pants away.  OK?

4. YOU ARE NOT EMBRACING SUBMISSION.

Society has a way of taking a very valuable aspect of God and His Word and twisting the word so that it seems like a cruel and unreasonable concept.  And so it is with the word "SUBMIT"... and what it really means.

First of all... when we run from that word we are -in essence -  accusing God - who is JUST - of being unfair and unloving. Yes.. I know I know.. you and I WOULD NEVER accuse or doubt God... and yet.... so many of we evangelical wives have secretly changed our opinion of submission to mean what society says it means.  SUBMIT?  No way.

So let me ask you something:  Do you accuse the traffic authority of being UNFAIR when you choose to submit to a red traffic light?   You and I stop when the light is red because we know that the traffic authority's MOTIVE is to keep us safe, to keep traffic flowing smoothly and fairly.  We don't yell and complain, "What right do you have to INSIST I stop at a red traffic light?"  We don't accuse the traffic authority of demeaning our personhood or of being misogynist monsters..
NO..  We SUBMIT to that authority - and willingly stop at the RED traffic light.  NOW.. if you want to get real and honest.. truth is... you can GO THROUGH a red traffic light if you are willing to suffer the consequences.  You may get a traffic ticket. Or you may get sideswiped by oncoming traffic and suffer grave and serious injury. So you stop at a red light. You SUBMIT. 

At work, you are probably not THE CEO of the company..(AND IF YOU ARE.. YOU STILL HAVE STOCKHOLDERS TO ANSWER TO) 

so you submit to the role that you have been asked to fill.  Why? Because you are helping the CEO and the STOCKHOLDERS to reach a goal.  You are your company's HELP MEET.  You don't go to protest rally's which say that your CEO is trying to enslave you.. do you?  You don't expect the CEO to do YOUR JOB do you?   Of course not.  You understand that a company filled with nothing but bosses cannot succeed. 

And so all throughout society... we understand that in many different institutions.. someone has the responsibility to lead.. and someone has the responsibility to follow that lead... FOR THE GOOD OF ALL INVOLVED.

That's all that submission is.  Submission has to be VOLUNTARY or it isn't submission.  It isn't being a slave. It's simply accepting that in order for MARRIAGE to succeed... someone has to have the PRIMARY responsibility.. and God has placed that responsibility on husbands.  Why?  I don't know why! Ask God.

If you don't want to have to submit to your husband..... ask yourself "why?"
I suspect it's not because you don't trust HIS LEADERSHIP..
I suspect that the root of it is that YOU DON'T TRUST GOD'S LEADERSHIP.
The more I trust God to be faithful and fair, the easier it is for me to submit to others.. not only my husband but to every authority God has allowed to be in power. 

Submit to GOD in all things. 
And let HIM worry about whether or not someone is being fair.. 
Which brings me to #5


5. PUT TRUST IN THE FAITHFULNESS AND FAIRNESS OF GOD.
On the other hand, sometimes husbands are simply not doing even the most basic things a husband should do - loving, protecting, nurturing and caring for his wife.  THIS is true. Some husbands are total failures... no matter how hard you try to find something to respect.  

SOOOOooooooooo......  I just want to let you know that God sees.  I'm not telling you that you should just buck up and bear it.  I'm telling you that ONLY GOD can be your defender, your provider, your heart mender.  If your husband is a loser... God is not.  If your husband doesn't love you... God does.   TRUST GOD WITH EVERY DETAIL OF YOUR BROKEN HEART.
And..
I'm telling you that EVEN IF YOUR husband is CLOSE TO PERFECT, He can never be what Jesus is.  He can never heal your heart. Your spirit. He can never bind up your broken hearted-ness . He can never set your captive spirit free.  ONLY JESUS can do that. ONLY JESUS. 

If you would actually TRUST that truth... if you would actually UNDERSTAND that in the end.. ONLY JESUS has the power to change what needs to be changed... 
YOU WOULD RUN TO HIM and HE WILL GIVE YOU REST.

OK.. 
Well.. this is long enough for today.  I guess these are five things I would say to younger wives if I was brave enough.
WOW.  I guess I AM brave enough.

Also...Mrs. Older is so happy that so many of you are signing up to receive this via email. Once again, let me say that no one gets your email from this blog, and you won't get anything BUT THIS BLOG.  I'm not selling anything here. Just GIVING you JESUS.
I love you.
Mrs. Older.

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Tuesday, August 5, 2014

MRS. OLDER HAS A FAVOR TO ASK

In my "real" life as a writer, I write a monthly column in a magazine with a pretty healthy circulation among people who attend church regularly.  Last month, I wrote a funny story about how I am a creature of habit, and how God is showing me - EVEN AT MY AGE - that HE HAS NEW PLANS FOR MY LIFE...  

This morning I received a wonderful email from a woman who is 77 years old, a widow, and who took the time to write and tell me she enjoyed my column.   Although I don't know her, I could sense from her email that she is a wonderful and loving woman who is "asking God what He wants to do with my life."

I took the opportunity to share my heart with her - to share MY mission with her - to tell her what God has been impressing on my heart VERY STRONGLY for the past four years:

DO WHAT THE NEW TESTAMENT TELLS THE OLDER WOMEN TO DO. 

 "Teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." Titus 2:3-5 (NIV)

And so, for all the Mrs. Younger's out there who read this on a regular basis, I have to tell you something:  Sometimes you scare the older women out there.  You scare us.. sometimes.  Honest.

We grew up in a different society.  We grew up in a different CHURCH society. And...

Sometimes it seems like you don't need or want anyone's advice..
You have so much information at your fingertips.. and so.. we Mrs. Olders just kind of shrink back and don't offer you our lives... don't try to teach anything... and THAT ISN'T GOD'S PLAN.

SO WILL YOU DO ME A FAVOR?  Will you leave your comments below about whether or not you HAVE an older Godly woman who mentors you?  Will you tell us what that means to you?  Will you tell us if and how she has loved and helped you? Will you explain what it's like to be twenty-something, or thirty-something and trying to raise a family and succeed at marriage WITHOUT anyone's advice?  

YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE YOUR NAME. YOU CAN POST ANONYMOUSLY.

WILL YOU TELL THE OTHER MRS. OLDER's out there that God DOES have a use for them in the lives of younger women?

Thank you so very, very much.
BTW.... if you enjoy reading this.. please encourage your friends to sign up to receive this via email.  Upper right corner of the page.  Thanks.

XO,
Mrs. Older

(Click on the "comments" tab below to see what other women may have posted.)

Sunday, August 3, 2014

GOSSIP GIRLS AND GOD

"A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret."  Proverbs 11:13

As older women, I think one of the examples we need to set for the younger women who follow us is to STOP GOSSIPING about one another!  There's something about all of us that just LIKES TO KNOW STUFF.. right??? RIGHT. But we have to ask the Holy Spirit to give us the strength to keep a confidence confidential.  We need one another.  WE need to pray with and for one another.  But one of the things so many younger women tell me when they send me emails is that they can't really find someone they can trust to keep their problem confidential. 

A while back I asked a friend to help me pray about a situation in my family.  It was a serious glitch in the road for someone and I knew that prayer was the only answer.  I didn't want to embarrass the family member, but I needed prayer support.  She said she would pray.  So imagine my surprise when I spoke to a friend 900 miles away who had heard about my prayer request and asked me about that family member's situation. How did he hear?  Through the church secretary of his church -  who is close friends with the close friend I asked to help me pray.   I have forgiven my gossipy friend.  She has so many wonderful qualities and I want to keep her as my friend.  Sadly, though, I don't share the deep deep needs of my heart with her anymore.  Not unless it doesn't matter if 45 people who live 900 miles away also know about it.

I love to hear stories.  I love to hear gossip.  I do.  We all do.  That's why it's so difficult to see satan's hand in it.  It's such fun - in our flesh- to hear that others are not doing as well as they pretend.  Or that others have problems too.  It might be FUN.. but it isn't LOVE.

If we all just keep gossiping then none of us will feel safe to ask for prayer.  And if we don't pray, then we don't get answers.  And if we don't pray, then God's word that His House shall be called a "house of prayer" gets thwarted. And we rarely see that the thing we think nothing of - GOSSIP - is the VERY THING that is killing our testimony for Christ.

Dear older women, there are many younger wives out there LONGING to share the DEEP DARK burdens of their lives with you.  Be someone they can feel safe with.  I have learned, over the years, that talking about people who talk to me is a great great destructive tool of the enemy.

Dear younger wives... being young doesn't mean you aren't old enough to know that gossiping is wrong.

This isn't deep theological truth here.
It's BASIC CHRISTIANITY.

People need people they can trust.  Especially.. in the Body of Christ.
A person who can be trusted is getting rarer and rarer.

XO,
Mrs. Older

Thursday, July 24, 2014

CRANKY OLDER WOMEN OF THE BIBLE

IN MY LAST BLOG, I WAS DOING MY BEST TO "INSPIRE" OLDER WOMEN OF GOD TO UNDERSTAND THAT  

GOD WASN'T TRYING TO FILL UP SPACE IN THE BIBLE WHEN HE TOLD THE OLDER WOMEN TO "MENTOR" AND "TEACH" THE YOUNGER ONES. HE EXPECTS US TO OBEY HIM.

Everything about God is always about others.  God didn't NEED to save the planet. He didn't NEED to send His Only Son, Jesus, to take away our sin.  He didn't NEED to send His Spirit to comfort and guide us.  HE WANTED TO.  HE LOVED US.

We learn from God's example that REAL LOVE is always given on a volunteer basis. If you are BEING forced to do something, if you are DOING SOMETHING to earn some kind of Heavenly brownie points... and you aren't doing it  from a motive of love.... then you aren't impressing anyone but yourself.  No one in heaven gets thrilled about a person who is doing something to improve or promote themselves.

When we have HIS HEART we will UNDERSTAND that God's love is given to us so that it can be processed THROUGH us to others.. especially to THOSE YOUNGER WOMEN IN THE BODY OF CHRIST!!  Are you willing to be that vessel? You should be.  You really, really should be.

BUT TAKE HEART.... 
If you have been a cranky older woman who spends her time "tsk tsk-ing" at the "younger generation" instead of getting in there and loving them... giving yourself to them... showing them Jesus power and His ability to guide a family and the woman who is the hub of that family... then... I am tempted to say, "STAND UP SISTER.  GET MOVING."  But.. I want to encourage you with the truth that the Bible is filled with cranky older women... who... eventually... became women that God used to change generations that followed her.


WOMEN LIKE:

SARAH. Yes.. yes.. we know that she is an example to all of us of how to respect and honor our husbands... but... as every mother knows when someone mistreats our kids...... OR MAKES FUN OF THEM.. MAKES FUN OF THEM?? LIKE Ishmael was making fun of Isaac?? Oh yeah... that's a no, no.    Genesis 21 shows us that Sarah became SO CRANKY at the slave woman who had borne Abraham a son that she INSISTED the woman be banished to the cruel desert.  Just "take a hike honey."  Now that's CRANKY.

NAOMI.   If you do a little background checking you will see that Jewish custom was that Naomi was responsible for these two "heathen" daughters-in-law that her sons had married while they were in a heathen land. (The fact that they WERE in a heathen land is indication of their faith in God providing.. but that's another story for another day...)  SO when Naomi was insisting her daughters-in-law go back to their families... she was SHIRKING HER GOD APPOINTED RESPONSIBILITY.   She identified herself as a bitter woman (RUTH 1:20-21).. and we understand that life had been difficult for Naomi.. She'd lost her husband and both sons.  She was a widow without a thing.  Her family, her wealth, her pride... had all been stripped away..

Eventually... she did do what she was SUPPOSED to do concerning Ruth.. and because of her grudging mentoring... her grandchildren... and their grandchildren became the ANCESTORS OF JESUS.

DEAR OLDER Sister in the Lord,  
Maybe some of your testings and trials have been allowed by God so that you can be an example to the younger women who follow you.

Maybe you think God has been unfair to you.  That isn't true.. and is never an excuse for shirking your GOD-GIVEN task to the younger wives around you.

You may be correct when you say younger women are not willing to be taught.
TEACH THEM ANYWAY.
You may be correct when you say your life has been difficult and you haven't always done the right and Godly thing.
TEACH THEM ANYWAY... even if it's just to say, "This is what happens when you try to run your life yourself instead of letting God do it."

YOU HAVE BEEN BOUGHT WITH A PRICE.   The Only Son of The Only God BOUGHT YOU.
"You are NOT your own."

GOD IS RAISING UP A NEW GENERATION OF OLDER WOMEN WHO WILL TAKE THEIR PLACE IN FIGHTING THE ENEMY OF HUMANITY.. AND BRINGING THE GOOD NEWS OF GOD'S MERCY TO EVERYONE THEY MEET.

YOU ALREADY JOINED THE ARMY.
ARE YOU FIGHTING?
ARE YOU A.W.O.L.?

Stand up Sister.
It's time.
I love you.
Mrs. Older. 
BTW thank you to the dozens of you who have signed up (upper right corner) to receive this via email in the just the last two weeks.  

Friday, July 18, 2014

WANTED BY GOD HIMSELF: OLDER WOMEN

Mrs. Older is not in the habit of saying "God spoke to me" because I think so many people abuse and overuse that phrase.  I think sometimes we have thoughts that are creative and we attribute them to God speaking.  Or maybe God DID speak to you. I'm just saying that I am VERY CAREFUL to not use that phrase carelessly. Having said that, let me say this..

Three or four years ago God spoke to me in my heart. In my mind. In my spirit. He just kind of... for a second or two... showed me a big glitch in The System of Doing Church.  And it was that we older women are not seriously obeying the role that God has intended for us to have.  It's like God whispered to me that women are half of the Army of the Lord, and for all intents and purposes we are mostly A.W.O.L.

One of the things that society has stolen from the Body of Christ is the urgency about OLDER WOMEN teaching and MENTORING YOUNGER WOMEN.  One of the ways I have tried to facilitate God's Word and His instructions to older women is to begin this blog.  And I have been SHOCKED and SADDENED and SURPRISED to receive countless emails from younger women who tell me, "There is not one older women I know who is available to teach me, or that I can model my life after."

NOW.. before you send those emails.... or comment below... I know there are thousands and tens of thousands of Godly women mentoring younger women.  Unfortunately there are millions and tens of millions of younger women who are beginning to realize they NEED an older Godly woman's wisdom.

I think there are some key elements to the disappearance of the older woman/mentor in our churches.

1- We are annoyed to have to be identified as "mature" or "older" or "aging."  Just a hundred years ago, the life expectancy in this country was 52 years of age for women.  Being OLDER was a badge of honor back then. NOW, we cringe at anything that suggests we are not young.  We do whatever we can to remove wrinkles, sags, bags and white hair.  I'm not saying it's wrong to do those things.. I'm just saying we are not as happy to be aging as we might have been a hundred years ago.  We want to stay young because SOCIETY has convinced us that youth is more important than wisdom and experience. But that isn't what God's Word says.  No, it says just the opposite.

2- We are retired.  There is not one verse in God's Word which says that when we have reached a certain age, we can stop being vessels of honor for God or we can stop using THE GIFTS HE HAS GIVEN US TO BLESS HIS BODY. There is nothing in God's Word that instructs us that we should live a lifestyle of working for a few decades and then telling the world around us that we are unavailable for ministry.  True, society may have a "retirement age", but God doesn't.  

3- We are offended.  Let's face it, younger people don't really want or ask for advice, so why stick our necks out?  Well, it may APPEAR to be that way, but in reality, the generation that grew up with moms who wanted to be liberated are now becoming wives and mothers and are DESPERATE for women who have LIVED the life to guide them and MENTOR THEM.  Younger women are desperate for someone who has LIVED the life and been victorious.

4- We don't like change.  As someone who has been a Women's Ministry Leader I can tell you that some older women are so resistant to change that without realizing it, they are often tools in the enemy's hands.  Just because something is different doesn't mean it is SINFUL and UNGODLY. 

Anyway... my point is that God has given me a call in life. I don't know HOW HE IS GOING TO ACCOMPLISH IT... but I am calling you... OLDER WOMEN... to take seriously the instructions to BE LOVE and WISDOM and THERE for the younger women around you.

OK.. This is long enough.
Leave your comments.
And also... if you would encourage others to sign up to receive this via email it would be a nice thing for me.
Upper right corner.
Love you,
Mrs. OLDER

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

IF YOU REALLY, REALLY, REALLY WANT TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER...

One of the biggest problems a marriage can face is when one of the people involved is involved romantically and physically with another person.   I don't mean a one-night stand - which is destructive enough.  I mean "involved" with another person.  I mean a long time affair.

Of course one of the main reasons it is so destructive is because it is SIN.  The Thief comes to "steal, kill and destroy."  He's been watching the human race since we began. He destroys us with something that seems good and wonderful. He comes as an angel of light. He comes with a person who "gets you".. while your spouse does not.   He reminds you how great you feel when you are with that other woman or that other man.

LET ME SAY THIS... today's blog is not going to help the person who is STILL playing with fire and still trying to have a lover and a spouse.  No.  You are still deceived. You are still being played by satan.

No.. this is for that person who KNOWS that they are doing the wrong thing, but they have been doing it for so long they don't see a way out. 

So I am going to give you some common sense and spiritual suggestions:

1. When God delivered the Israelites.. He removed them from Egypt in order to do so. 
You are going to have to physically remove yourself from where ever you and your lover have been together.  If it's at work... then you need to find a new job. If it's at church.. then you need to find a new church.  If you live next door, then you need to move.   You cannot tell yourself you are strong enough to resist. If you were strong enough to resist, you would not have fallen in the first place. If you truly want to be delivered from the chains and bondage satan has you caught in then..... Get out of Egypt!  If you are serious about undoing the damage you have done, you need to do it in a place where your marriage can heal. 

2. STOP doing what you know is wrong BEFORE YOU CAN START doing what you know is right.
Adultery always starts innocently.  The other person is a friend first. Then you confide in them and they understand.  There are wonderful things.. so you think... about this relationship.  Your marriage is not as exciting.  This is the trap. So STOP TALKING to that person.  Period. How do you stop? YOU JUST STOP. Change your phone number. Get a new email account.  STOP.  STOP CONFIDIING in that person.  IF you truly want to do the right thing... GOD WILL GIVE YOU THE STRENGTH TO STOP DOING THE WRONG THING.

3.  That person may actually and truly be the "love of your life".  Sorry.
It IS possible that the other person... the other woman.. the other man... is someone you actually DO LOVE MORE THAN your spouse.   You may actually have  DEEPER CONNECTION to your lover.  This is an unfortunate consequence of sin.  You may love them more.  They may love you more.  Your marriage before God did not make provision for adultery.  So many times, people will confide that even after ten, or fifteen years, they STILL think about that lover EVERY DAY. EVERY SINGLE DAY.  This is a consequence of sin, not proof that you lost something precious.  No one vows to love and honor in sickness and in health and until somebody better comes along.  Finding your "soul mate" is not reason enough to justify adultery.  Adultery is sin.  I'm sorry. I don't write the commandments. 

4 Give God time. 
If you think back, it took a while for you to decide to do the wrong thing.  It will take a while for you to heal your marriage, even after you have many days of doing the right thing.  You need a GOOD CHURCH.  You need The Body of Christ. You need God.  He will heal you.  He will heal your spouse. But give Him time.  He gave you time.. didn't He? He didn't destroy your home. He is giving you another chance.  Live in His love and MERCY.  

Leave your comments below.
Also... it would be SO KIND of you if you would ask your friends to sign up to receive this via email.  Upper right corner.

Love you,
Mrs. Older 

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

A WORD TO THE WIVES FROM A HUSBAND - PART TWO

THIS IS PART TWO OF OUR GUEST BLOGGING HUSBAND.  THE NEXT FEW BLOGS FROM HIM WILL BE AS I INTERVIEW HIM.  "INTERVIEW WITH A HUSBAND".  HE HAS SOME EXCELLENT INSIGHT.  READ THIS..AND COMMENT IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND?  THANKS.  HIS COMMENTS FOLLOW:

"There is one over arching theme throughout the Bible: A wedding, the bride and the bridegroom. The Bible ends with the marriage supper of the Lamb. When we get married here on earth, it is supposed to be a picture or reflection of this love relationship we have with the Creator of the universe. 

We get married because we have decided to love this person, to be who God made us to be for them, to fulfill a role as husband/wife for them, because it makes God smile when we live as we were created to live. We do not get married because we want to have sex, or because we are afraid of being alone/lonely. We do not get married to be saved from being single, or for what this other person can do for me or how they make me feel. Those are a small part of why we get married. If they are the main reasons....then your levels of disappointment are going to be high. Just like if we are following Jesus because we don't want 
To go to hell.

Our roles are very simple in a marriage:  Men, love as I have loved you, provide as I have provided for you, protect her/make her feel safe as I do for you, and be the leader in her life as I guide you. Make her feel like she is the most precious, valuable, delicate, beautiful person on this planet. 
Simple.
Men, we simply reflect what God is doing for us.  

The problem is.....we cannot give what we are not receiving. So if a husband is not treating his wife as God has asked, then said husband may be going to church, reading his Bible, and talking a big talk, but he is obviously not seriously pursuing a love relationship with our creator. 

 If he were -  he would be seeking healing and wholeness from his past (family of origin issues), so that he could better love you and all those around him and those he comes into contact with. He would understand that his life is not his own. He has given it to Jesus and lives only to fulfill the roles God has for him and he does so by choice, not because he feels like he has to in order to stay in God's good graces. This is not rocket science. We will give only what is welling up on the inside of us. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. 

Women, vice versa for you. The same principles apply, although your role is a little different. Respect, as I respect you. Affirm, nurture and receive. Look them up and study them if you are unsure what they mean, but the same holds true for you, if you are in a healthy, loving relationship with God, you will be pursuing this role.
Will we get it right everyday? No. It's journey. Will it be easy? No. It's a journey. Will we feel like doing it?  Bo. It's a journey. 

We keep the destination always in front of us and God's grace/mercy, which are new everyday, will keep us moving forward.
Let the comments commence."

Thursday, June 26, 2014

A WORD TO THE WIVES... FROM A HUSBAND:

These words are NOT from my husband (who is very wise) 
 but from a husband (a friend of ours) who is in his 40's.   Closer to the age of many of you.   This husband loves God.  Loves his wife.  He is open, honest, and has strong opinions.

The reason I am going to include his comments in the coming blogs is that  I am often VERY surprised, whenever I discuss husbands, wives or this blog with him to discover HE SEES SITUATIONS IN A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WAY THAN I DO.. THAN WOMEN DO.  I am not going to edit anything he says.  Each blog will build on the one before it.  Here goes:

The reason we serve God is that we truly believe His way of living/doing life is the best way. Most don’t truly believe that though. 

Most are towing the line, checking boxes or staying within the lines, not because they truly believe it’s the best way to live, but because they believe if they live this way they will go to heaven, or God will hear their prayers better, or like them more, or that living God’s way makes us more spiritual, like we could get anymore spiritual than we already are. 

I always ask people, "If heaven and hell had nothing to do with it, would you still live God’s way? Would you still forgive those who hurt you because you truly believe that’s the best way to live? Would you still give your money away? Would you still put others first? Or are we doing those things with the thought of getting something in return? 'I’m doing all these things, living in your ways, so you owe me, God.'"

We may not come out and say that, but that’s how most of us think. That’s manipulation. And it does not work, as most of us know.  

A loving relationship is: I love you, just because I love, not because of anything you do and you love me just because you love me, not because of anything I do for you, what we do for each other we do out of love.


THAT'S HIS COMMENTS FOR THIS TIME. SO THEN... ask yourself the questions he asks others.  Do we truly understand LOVE the way God does?  Do we understand that what we do must have a foundation of LOVE and not spiritual brownie points?  Does that carry over in to WHY you love your husband?  Is it just because you do?  Do you have any comments?
Leave them?
Love you,
Mrs. Older