Wednesday, October 3, 2012


Nobody enjoys being wrong.  I don't enjoy it when I am wrong - every couple of decades -  and someone tells me I am.  I say that to say, that my MOTIVE for these next few columns is not to get some kind of OLDER, WISER WOMAN satisfaction by telling you you are wrong for being angry (or any other toxic emotion) and that you had better "get with the program and get back in line, woman!"

Quite the opposite.  I am going to tell you, the angry wife, that you most likely have a GREAT reason for being angry. You might have been mistreated, ignored, abused, neglected, and unloved in many years of marriage -  OR -  You might not be neglected and abused, but simply not valued, not precious to the husband you have.  He may be someone who spends his time caring about his career, or his friends, or his golf game, or anything other than you and your heart.  I feel your pain.  No wonder you are angry.   It's understandable.  Because God created a woman to be LOVED by her husband.  LOVED by him like he loves HIMSELF. 

So for today, I am speaking to the ANGRY WOMAN.  The woman who is ready to EXPLODE!  No one gets through life without being mistreated, misunderstood, or unappreciated. So you've probably heard the verse "Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit for anger resides in the lap of fools."  You've probably heard someone say that it isn't GETTING angry that's a sin, but STAYING angry that destroys you.  It's true. Holding on to anger makes you a fool. 

I think... that the root cause of being an angry fool can be found in some other Scriptures which also describe a person who is a fool.  It says, "The fool says in HER heart - there is no God."  The root of RAGE is.......unbelief.  The root of anger is when we think there is NO GOD who cares about the way you are being treated.  There is NO GOD in heaven who is expecting your husband to be a GODLY HUSBAND.  This is a lie.  YOU ARE BELIEVING A LIE if you believe there is no God you can run to who cares about what's going on. He sees. He cares. His heart breaks when your heart breaks. But, as long as you believe that your anger - and venting your anger -  is the answer to the problem.... He cannot help you.  

So I will give you some simple advice today. 
Whatever the REASON for your anger - it has to go.  Why? It's going to destroy YOU.  You can spend years rehashing the REASON - and feeling justified - for your anger. But it will destroy you and your family.  Being an angry woman is being a woman who tears her home down with her own hands.

Go to the Lord. Tell Him... "God, I have spent my time listing all the people who have been unfair and unkind and unloving to me.  I have a lifetime of being treating unfairly.  I believe I have a good reason to be angry.  I have also believed the lie that You don't care what has happened.  So... Whatever the reason, I confess that anger is wrong.  I am asking You to heal my heart, and take away this anger. I confess that my anger and unforgiving attitude is a sin."

And.... every time you feel the rage rising up......cast your care upon the Lord.  Jesus CARES.... deeply about you.......that is the TRUTH. It won't happen overnight.. though it could.. but.. if you will continue to ask for the faith to believe that you have a HEAVENLY FATHER who DEEPLY CARES about your heart - and how broken it is.. HE WILL HEAL YOU.  HE WILL.

I love you. I love you. Jesus is right there... right now. Yes. He. Is.
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Mrs. Older


  1. Sweet woman, whoever you happen to be, thank you for telling women the truth. I am a pastor's wife for over forty years, and I have wept bitter tears watching women I love refuse to listen and ruin their lives, their children's lives and their marriages because they will not let go of bitterness. What you are saying is holy truth, and so few women out there are willing to say it, and to say it for free. The Lord bless you, honey.

  2. I agree with Helene's comments. I too am a pastor's wife, and have had the same experience. It is not easy today for any woman to speak biblical truth to women. They cannot understand they are hurting themselves when they refuse to let go of anger. So sad.

  3. Been doing that a lot lately, and had been reluctant to let go the bitterness 'coz it mounts everyday,by neglect as if i dont even exist, as if the kids were entirely my responsibility...i explode and then weep in remorse!what a mess i've become!!! Turning to Jesus now. Thanks a lot...feel understood and at peace.

  4. Thank you so much for this post. I have been angry with my mother-in-law for over 4 years now, and my health has deteriorated because of it. Thank you for speaking words of truth. I am now going to begin casting my cares on Jesus every time the feelings of anger and rage rise up. I don't want to ruin my children and family. I don't want to make God's heart sad because He cares so much and does not want me to destroy myself and others whom I love.