Sunday, January 20, 2013

CRASH LANDING HUSBANDS

In my last blog, "Imagine" I touched on the fact that 
 if a plane crashes......people are going to blame the pilot and not the passenger.  
If a surgery fails........ people are going to blame the surgeon and not the patient... 
HOWEVER................
if you're the victim of a plane crash, or the patient whose surgery was unsuccessful... WHO CARES WHO GETS THE BLAME? You'd rather they would have done it right in the first place.

Then... imagine further....if your family discovers that the pilot WILLINGLY ignored the rules of flying..that the pilot didn't want to be bothered flying the plane the way it was supposed to be flown... and because he IGNORED the rules... the plane crashed...

OR

if the public discovered that the surgeon at the local hospital KNEW what would save the patient's life....and STILL chose to ignore the rules of surgery.....there would be a great uprising among the people in your family....in your community.. in the world. 
 IN THE SAME WAY.....
...the husband is the PILOT of the HOME.. who keeps the family from a crash landing... 

....and he's the SURGEON of his own family... whose main purpose is to HEAL and PROTECT THE HEALTH OF HIS FAMILY.

I would be disingenuous.. I would be ignoring the reason so many wives.. yes.. even Christian wives are heartbroken, discouraged, and defeated about the state of their marriage.
 Many wives are living with husbands who are just ignoring the rules of being a husband.
And their marriage has crash landed....the family is dying rather than healing... and his wife, his children, are gasping their last metaphorical breaths... and the guy... just doesn't care.

But God cares.  Oh, YES HE DOES.
1 Peter 3:7 says:
"In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered."  Other translations use the words "cut off" or "unheard" in place of the word "hindered"

BUT.. there is no denying.. that...this Scripture teaches that the effectiveness of a husband's prayers.......are connected to his effectiveness as a husband.

"But wait" you say.  "If this is true, then the most loving thing our pastor can do is to continually remind the husbands in our congregation that the way they are treating their wives... affects the way God treats their prayers. AND prayer is such a vital part of being a Christian.. that it seems almost negligent that a pastor would forget to teach this to his men on a very regular basis.  Our pastor has never taught about this.  Why is that?"

VERY GOOD QUESTION.  I don't have the answer. I am not your pastor.

Pray for your pastor. Pray for your husband.
AS WITH ALL THINGS...
Talk to God about your husband.
Don't talk to your husband about God.

MORE.. next time.

XOXO,
Mrs. Older

23 comments:

  1. Finally somebody speaking the truth

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  2. Hm, you know? You're right. I've never heard a sermon on that although I have heard sermons on how husbands are to love their wives. Interesting that we don't emphasize the consequences of not doing so. Thanks for pointing this out.

    Elizabeth@Warrior Wives
    www.thewarriorwives.com

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    1. Elizabeth, Thank you for your comments.. and also for promoting THIS site and YOUR wonderful site www.thewarriorwives.com
      You are doing much to help women fight for their marriages.

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  3. That's pretty awesome, I never focused on that verse before. I have heard pastors talk about husbands loving their wives like Christ the church, but always alongside submission of wives and never with this verse.

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  4. This makes me thankful that ours teaches on both sides. Wives are responsible to scripture and their husband should be the second thing on their priority list just under their personal relationship with God. Husbands need to have their wife in the same position on their priority list.

    I once heard this verse related to a couple that the man picks at the wife all day and then in the evening, comes to her and asks for "blessings" that only she can provide to fulfill his needs..... Why should she want to "bless" him? Same thing with the prayers of a husband.... Their prayers are hindered when they do not lead the family as instructed to in scripture.

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    1. Sheryl,
      Thanks for your comments. Yes, I agree with you.

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  5. Whenever I read statements like, "negligent that a pastor would forget to teach this to his men on a very regular basis," I have to work really hard not to get defensive. See, I am married to a very hardworking, very concerned, very loving, prayerful, discerning of what to preach on PASTOR. I sometimes think it is so easy to find things that the pastor isn't preaching on and it definitely takes the blow away from the thing he actually IS preaching on. There are really great topics for pastors to preach on that I have never heard my own speak of, but I guess I will have to wait for God's will on that one. I know that my husbands prays about what to preach on. I know he prays on it long and hard and delivers it in order to impact the kingdom and not glorify himself. I am totally not defensive. :) I promise. I agree with your post, although I have heard my husband preach on this a few times. If you send me your address, I can send you a CD. :)

    With this being said, I think it is so important for men to go against their human nature and plug into a group of other men who keep each other accountable. It is so hard for even Godly men to gather together and discuss shortcomings. This shows weakness, and men are strong. This is why, in your church and mine, there are at least 50 women's groups and maybe 2-3 men's groups. Correct me if I am off base by a lot. :)

    I do believe that the pastor should be delivering the bad news of what happens when a man doesn't follow the bible, but I also think that us women aren't allowing enough silence for that to be magnified as the problem. Women, by nature, instantly open their mouths and get all Proverbs 21:9, forcing their man to go live on the roof. For example, I have noticed that when I argue with my husband, if I resort to yelling, no matter the validity of the point, it falls short due to my ungodliness in the matter.

    I speak for myself (and perhaps others may agree) that I don't always allow my husband to be the pilot, and even when I do, I am more than a passenger, I am the co-pilot with too much to say. :)

    I do love your analogy with the plane crash and also the surgeon. It really helps draw the connection of what you are trying to convey.

    Love in Him,
    Michelle Roberts
    talesfromthefrontpew-michelle.blogspot.com

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    1. Michelle,
      You should know that I also have spent many years as a pastor's wife... a pastor's daughter..and a pastor's granddaughter.. so I know firsthand that people can often find much to criticize and little to praise about their pastor.

      And.. of course... there are MANY pastors out there who are TRUE SHEPHERDS and teach the whole story about marriage. Evidently, your husband is one of those men.
      In addition, I also agree with your statement that there are a great many topics for pastors to preach on.. and having said that.. it is ultimately between God and THAT PASTOR which topics THAT particular group of people need to hear.

      I agree, actually with everything you wrote. If you review many of the posts in this blog.. and if you continue to follow the line of reasoning in coming posts.. you would have to see that I agree ALSO with your observations about women.. our mouths.. our attitudes and OUR unwillingess to do what WE SHOULD DO.

      Having said all that.. though.. in general.. I don't think that churched men are hearing as often as they should HOW SERIOUSLY GOD takes a man's role as a husband.

      Thank you sweet sister for your words..
      Thanks you for reading this blog..
      XOXO,
      Mrs. Older

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    2. I agree that Godly men are not hearing or even caring what God has to say about this topic. I wish there were more opportunities for men to hear this and take heed.

      When I think about sermons relating to this topic, I picture groups of women (perhaps immature in their faith) gathering together to pray about (gossip)what their husbands aren't doing. I picture women sitting in the car, next to their husbands on the ride home citing all of the things they DO NOT do. I guess my point is, are women ready to handle this type of teaching towards their husbands in a loving, gentle quiet spirit kind of way?

      I love reading what you write! I can't wait to see what more is in store. Keep following God's leading, sister! You are doing great Kingdom work. :)

      Love in Him,
      Michelle

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  6. Our Pastor (also my Dad) actually instructs husband's more than wives. It's sad some Pastor's don't. I think men want to know "how to be a man" but it will be a man who teaches him this. Men need other men to challenge them. I agree completely we need to pray for our church leaders. I love the analogy you use in this post.

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    1. Thank you for reading and for taking time to be part of this discussion. I agree that many men are waiting and wanting to be taught. Thank you for your words.. keep reading.

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  7. I find this column to be as if God sent me a gift of hope. My husband does not beat me, does not abuse me, does not cheat on me. He also does not talk to me, does not include me in any of his hobbies, does not teach our children about God. The idea that perhaps this matters to God as much as it matters to me gives me hope that things might change. I try my best to be that Proverbs 31 wife. I wish my husband could be a 1 Peter 3:7 husband. Thank you for being brave enough to say this. To husbands. and to pastors.

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    1. If you read the last line of this blog I tell wives to talk to God about their husbands.. and not to talk to their husbands about God. Prayer is the only cure. More about that in future posts. Thank you for reading and for your comments.

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  8. Our pastor has taught on this. My husband tries.

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  9. What a brave and honest woman you are! I wish I knew who you are so I could give you a great big hug and tell you to never back down from speaking truth. Thank you

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  10. Great words Mrs Older. I love how you've laid out the 'problem' and offered the realest (excuse the made-up word) solution there is - Talk to God about it. I think if we wives could focus more on prayer and personal growth (instead of running the show) we'd experience greater breakthrough.

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    1. Ngina, Thank you for the encouraging words and thank you for noticing the solution I offered. Thank you for reading and thank you for your ministry.

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  11. Great post. I am very often on my soap box about women using their immense power - a.k.a. their mouths - for the good of their marriages and their men. But I am aware that there are very many men who have given up trying to do what is their duty as men. Thank you for your great insight into what is a noticeable issue even to newer Christians like myself.

    I'm so happy to have found you through To Love, Honor and Vacuum!

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  12. Great points. I agree with the Pastor's wife above as well.

    We need to all realize that God works through obedience. It gives Him an avenue to work. Certainly we need to pray for our Pastors and leaders. And we need to pray for wisdom and for grace to do our part regardless of what our spouse is doing {or not doing}.

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    1. Wise words, Rena. Thank you for posting them.

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  13. Plenty of good men find themselves divorced and disposessed for no good reason. It's utterly wrong to assume that the failure of a family is always, or even usually, the husband's. In my experience it's about 50-50. A guy can be a near perfect leader, and yet the wife can still cheat, or get greedy, or be tempted by a newer, richer man.

    Also, too many single Christian women snub solid believing men, preferring to date exciting badboys who are nonbelievers or marginal believers at best. And of course after a girl marries one of them, she subsequently mourns that her husband is not a spiritual leader... but, she wasn't dating based on that criterion, now was she?

    I have a happy marriage, for 10 years now, still going strong. But I got a lot of rejection from Christian women first, and was single til well into my 30s (not willingly) as a result. And a lot of these women ended up in bad situations due to dating badboys instead of me and my godly friends.

    If you want a spiritual leader, MARRY ONE. That's what my wife did.

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  14. So thrilled to hear from a husband. You make some valid points. Thanks for your comments.

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