Wednesday, August 28, 2013
LOVING TRUTH WHEN THE TRUTH ANNIHILATES YOUR HEART
Here's what she said:
He feels used. Trapped. He says he married me because its what he thought was expected of him by his family. He's angry that he didn't get a chance to sow his oats-he point blank said he wants an open marriage. He wants to have sex with others, says he won't divorce me because he made a commitment. A divorce would be like admitting he was wrong, it would be like losing. He thought that after several years of marriage he could tell me about his need to be with other women and I would agree because I should want him to be happy. That truth? What am I supposed to do with it?"
The first thing I noticed about her comments is that he is blaming his family and their "expectations" of him. As a mom myself, I cannot imagine my son coming to me after dating a girl for a long time - and everyone sorta assuming they would get married - and saying to me, "Mom, I don't really feel like this girl I've been dating all these years is the right one for me" and then his dad and I forcing him to marry her. If this guy was asking for MY advice, I'd have him go back to that so called "truth". And advise him to ask himself if what he thinks his family expected is reality. Sometimes kids ASSUME they cannot talk to their parents.. ASSUME something of their parents. He may ASSUME he was expected to marry this girl. And even IF this is the truth.. then.. the problem is not with his role as a husband but his role as a son. He may need to revisit that.. with his pastor... or a Godly older man... or maybe? his parents? Even if his parents WERE pressuring him to marry.. he didn't have to do it. If his parents had even the slightest bit of love for their son, they would have supported his decision to walk away from this woman. HE made the decision. It was not made FOR him. So the first problem this guy has is that he doesn't own his own decisions.
The second thing I notice is that he is angry that he didn't get a chance to "sow his oats".. which I assume is another way of saying... "SIN". I would guess his family was the kind of family who also frowned on fornication. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry but any sex outside of marriage is sin. I know that no one really cares about that anymore... well... no one except for God. Maybe he got married because he wanted to have sex.....???
The third thing is that he uses the word "used". And I wonder why he would use that word? What is it about his wife, his marriage that would cause him to use the word "USED"? And maybe it is he who used her... used her... and then wanted to move on to another.
The fourth thing is that he is not concerned at all about what God wants. Let's face it, every man on earth would be thrilled if God's law said, "Just be with as many women as you possibly can be and don't worry about it." But God's law doesn't say that. Does it? No, it does not. This man's reasoning is skewered. He is thinking like an animal and not a man.
The fifth thing is that HIS HAPPINESS seems to be the only thing that matters, and that he thinks his wife should overlook infidelity if it makes HIM happy. I mean, seriously?
The six thing is that not only is HIS happiness the ONLY THING THAT MATTERS TO HIM, but he is also so filled with AN EVIL PRIDE... SO THAT a divorce is out of the question and NOT because it would destroy a family, wound the woman he married and scar his children... but.. it would mean that everyone would know he MADE A MISTAKE? Have you EVER heard of such PRIDE??????
To answer the question this woman posed -
"That truth? What am I supposed to do with it?"
I would say that the FIRST THING to do is to bring it to GOD. I would say, talk to God and tell him that you don't know what to do with this HORRIBLE truth about the state of your marriage. God is waiting to comfort you and show mercy. He doesn't instantly "FIX" things.. but He does instantly come to our rescue.
The second thing I would ask about is your husband's and your relationship with God.
Only JESUS can open that door. Only Jesus can heal the hurt. I don't know if you are Christians.. or not... Well let me rephrase that.. your husband cannot be a REAL follower of Jesus and then want to do the things you say he wants to do.
Thirdly.. I would say that what her husband is offering is NOT a marriage... and that she might want to consider other options. I would advise her to speak to her pastor.. or find a Godly older couple who might help them.
Finally, I would ask her to email me "firstname.lastname@example.org"
so that I can try to find a Godly pastor in her area who might be willing to walk with the family.
The marriage is a sham.
The husband does not want to be a husband.
God needs to intervene.
He is the only hope.
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