Wednesday, August 14, 2013


My mother, who is 90 as I type this,  was a stay-at-home wife and mom while I was growing up in the 1950's and 1960's.  She spent most of her days cleaning the house and preparing for our evening meal. My dad got home every night at 5:30 and by 5:45  my parents, my older brother and I were at the dinner table eating dinner. It was the highlight of the day. So, naturally, when I got married, the thing that made me feel like a "good wife" -  was when I put a full course dinner on the table.
About twenty miles away my husband was growing up in his house.  And his mother worked a full time job and so did his father.  Many nights when my husband and his older brother and sister got home from school they knew that a great and delicious dinner would be waiting for them - but it would be sitting on the stove. Their parents were often at work.  His mom did her best - but doing the laundry fell to everyone in the home. Often, the best she could do was put a load in the washer and ask them to put it in the dryer... or... they would have to go in to the basement and fold their clothes themselves.

One day....after years of marriage.... I asked my husband one of those questions that I I had NEVER asked him before.  I said, "In order of importance... what would be the ONE THING you would want me to do if I could only do ONE THING a day?
His answer?  The laundry.  
What?  LAUNDRY?  

So from that day on... I focused on laundry. I put it in the washer, put it in the dryer, folded it AND... PUT IT AWAY.  (BTW, it's my least favorite thing to do in life other than having a root canal.)  Years later... he STILL says every now and then... "Hon, thanks for doing the laundry."  It still matters to him. 

I mention this to you because maybe you, like me, are forcing your husband to make what was important in your PARENT'S MARRIAGE important to him....because it's important to you.

This is not a super spiritual suggestion. 

Maybe you can ask your husband, like I asked mine, " Of all the things I do that keeps this household running smoothly, what's the MOST important one to you?"  Have you EVER asked that question. 

Ask him.
His answer might surprise you.
Mrs. Older


  1. Just called my husband on his cell phone and asked him. He didn't have a answer but said he'd think about it and call me back. He just did. He said, "If you could do just one thing what would be the first thing I would want you to do? I would like you to make the bed. I hate it when we go to bed at night and neither one of us has made the bed."
    So, now I know. I would not have known if you had not suggested I ask him. It's true that HE can make the bed himself, but I asked him what he would like ME to do if I just did one thing a day. Thank you Mrs. Older whoever you happen to be.

    1. Well... then... there you have it! And I like your attitude honey sweetie pie... about not saying "Well then why don't YOU MAKE THE BED???" Thanks for posting your comment.

  2. I asked and he said if we could clean up the kitchen after dinner so that we don't have dirty dishes in the sink when we wake up in the morning.