I must admit that when we were first married, my world revolved around Mr. Older and making him happy. I was a teenager and a bride. No, I wasn't pregnant - we planned our wedding for a year - so we would be married before he left for his military duty. It was during the Vietnam War. People our age were dying all around us. We wanted to be married before he left.
My goal was to please him.
Whatever he wanted was what I did. You may be asking, "So what's your point, Mrs. Older? Isn't that what a wife is supposed to do?" Well, yes.. but also no. It isn't what I was doing, but why I was doing it.
SIMPLE SECRET: IF YOUR GOAL IN LIFE IS TO PLEASE ANOTHER PERSON - even if that person is your husband - YOU WILL LIVE A FRUSTRATED LIFE.
Truth is that life was great for Mr. Older. Who wouldn't want to live with a person whose only goal in life is to get your approval? Mr. Older is a wonderful, godly, kind and giving.... man. He's just a man. My focus was off. My approval seeking was off. My life rose and fell on my husband's happiness with me. He wasn't trying to be the center of my life. I MADE HIM the center of my life.
"So.. then.. wait a second, Mrs.Older. Are you advocating that women's lib, feminist stuff here?"....
HAHAHAHAhahahahaha.. (I am old. I don't type LOL.. I type "hahahahahaha").
So here's what changed. This verse: "Carefully determine what pleases the Lord." (Ephesians 5:10)
A wife, a woman, a child of God should spend her time meditating on determining WHAT PLEASES THE LORD. Which means, the Lord can be pleased by our actions and decisions. When, as a wife, I spend time determining what pleases the LORD about being a wife, then I am still doing much of the same stuff I did... but... I don't really rise and fall on whether or not my husband acknowledges my pleasing him or not... AS LONG AS I HAVE PLEASED MY FATHER IN HEAVEN. This takes a great deal of pressure OFF my wonderful husband because he doesn't have to deal with a wife who is happy when he is happy, and not happy if he doesn't tell me how happy he is with me. I mean, really, Mrs. Youngers, this is a great deal of pressure on that man you married.
PLEASING GOD.. when my desire is to PLEASE GOD... and I AM HIDDEN IN CHRIST... HE IS PLEASED WITH ME because He is pleased with JESUS.
So then, if Mr. Older is pleased in the process of me living to please GOD... good for him.. and good for me.
and this verse: Everything you say and everything you do should be done for Jesus your Lord. And in all you do, give thanks to God the Father through Jesus. (Colossians 3:17)
Everything I do in my marriage I am DOING FOR JESUS MY LORD. FOR JESUS.
Are you doing the things you are doing, Mrs. Younger, to please Jesus? Or to please your husband?
Your husband will be pleased sometimes and not be pleased other times. WHO WANTS TO LIVE LIFE THAT WAY? NOT ME.
Now.. please.. sweet Mrs. Younger.. focus and understand what I am actually saying to you:
IF YOU LIVE TO PLEASE AND GAIN THE APPROVAL OF ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.. YOU WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER BE SATISFIED or happy.
You will NEVER please your husband, or your children, or your family, or your church ENOUGH to fill that longing inside you to be approved of and accepted.
ONLY GOD CAN GIVE YOU THAT APPROVAL YOU SEEK. ONLY. GOD.
The Apostle Paul said:
"I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant." (Galatians 1:10) (Boy, that last verse could be an entire sermon about those politician pastors who do what they think will make the people like them.... but that's for another blog on another day.)
IF YOUR GOAL IS TO PLEASE GOD - YOU WILL PLEASE YOUR HUSBAND.
ASSUMING YOUR HUSBAND IS A MAN WHOSE GOAL IS TO PLEASE GOD.
Which brings me to my next blog.. about husbands whose prayers are hindered because of the way they treat their wives... and the wives who have to live with those kind of husbands.
Mrs. Older loves you.
Thank you for the EMAILS YOU ARE SENDING ME.
I also want to mention that you may sign up to receive this by email. Upper right corner of the page.
(If this is the first blog in this series that you've read, scroll down to read the ones that came before.. if you want to.. only if you want to.. Mrs. Older can be bossy at times.. right? Right.)