Sunday, February 26, 2017


I needed a root canal in my front tooth.  So.... last week, I revisited my endodontist. (I have had quite a few root canals.)  

I like her.  She's about my age and is an expert at digging roots out of people's teeth.  She puts this little contraption in my mouth, and pulls a rubber covering over it.  It is one of the only times I am speechless.  I cannot speak with all that equipment in my mouth. 

During last week's procedure she came in to the room and asked, "Is your husband with you?"
 I replied, "Yub." 
 "Does he have gray hair?"
 "I saw him in the waiting room.  He was going through your purse. He's very good looking."
 "Yub he ib. We'b bun mrrud fuhrty subben years." (I'm thinking though, "Why is he going through my purse???")
 "Forty seven years? (Evidently she is adept at translating the words people say with endodontic contraptions in their mouths) So then...he's your FIRST and ONLY husband?"
 "Wow, that's unbelievable." 
"Did you ever want to leave him?"
 "Did he ever want to leave you?"

I would have had a different answer if she would have asked a different question like:
"Did you ever want to punch him?"
"Did you ever think he was impossible to live with?"

I would have said "Yes" to questions like that.
And so would Mr. Older
Now, if you knew us, you'd know that people think we have a perfect marriage. We don't - and have never had - a PERFECT MARRIAGE.  Because neither one of us is PERFECT. 

We do have a GREAT MARRIAGE.  We LIKE being around each other more than we like being around any other people. We have a great marriage. Perfect? Nope. Wonderful YUB.

My husband is an absolute saint. And he is a very loving, kind, Godly man.  But he isn't perfect.  People think he's perfect.  He is not.  
Good? Yes. 
Perfect? No.
Has he done things in the past decades that have wounded me?
Have I wounded him?
And me?  Mrs. Older?  Not perfect.

One of the unspoken boundaries of our marriage is that I never say anything negative about my husband.. and he never says anything negative about me.  Furthermore, I do not allow anyone to say even the slightest negative thing about him to me.. and he is the same way.

For us, this is a good thing.  It is a safe thing to know your husband is not complaining about you to his friends, and vice versa.But I think that those of us who have leadership roles, or public roles, have to find a way to be loyal and protective of the weaknesses in our spouses.. BUT.. be honest enough to say...

"IF IT WAS EASY to be married for almost five decades...
I am not a marriage expert, professional counselor or any thing close to that.  But..because of working in leadership roles in church, and because I am older, younger women will seek me out from time to time to ask for advice. 

I have found that if you ask the Lord to shine His light on the problem  it is often because the younger wife has the idea that OTHER PEOPLE have EASY RELATIONSHIPS. She thinks other women - her friends - never feel despair about their marriages. 
And husbands often have the same misguided appraisal of how marriage SHOULD BE.
In one way or another, one of the spouses is thinking...
"THIS IS too DIFFICULT. I'm NOT HAPPY about how DIFFICULT it is to be married." 

Because.. the basic reality of God's plan for marriage is for TWO PEOPLE TO BECOME ONE FLESH.  For us to become ONE with His Son, Jesus.. was NOT EASY.   Easy is not the same thing as worth it. Is it easy becoming one? Is it easy preferring your spouse? Not really.
Is it worth it?

So then my question is, "Are we doing a disservice to the younger couples following in our footsteps if we don't admit that if it wasn't for the LORD.. if it wasn't for HIS MERCY.. if it wasn't that He intervened and corrected our mistakes..we would be another statistic of a destroyed marriage and home."

And furthermore to give the honest TRUTH and HOPE that whatever is wrong with your relationship can be made right by calling on the Lord.  Now that's easy.  Pour out your hearts to the Creator Of Marriage.  He will intervene when TWO PEOPLE want His will more than they want their own.

(BTW: After I told him that my dentist thinks he's good looking, I asked, "Why were you going through my purse?"
Answer: looking for a piece of gum. 
I always chew gum. 
Could there be a connection between the gum and the root canal?

This is long enough.  Next blog:  WHO TOLD YOU IT WAS GOING TO BE EASY TO BE MARRIED?

Mrs. Older
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