Tuesday, July 8, 2014


One of the biggest problems a marriage can face is when one of the people involved is involved romantically and physically with another person.   I don't mean a one-night stand - which is destructive enough.  I mean "involved" with another person.  I mean a long time affair.

Of course one of the main reasons it is so destructive is because it is SIN.  The Thief comes to "steal, kill and destroy."  He's been watching the human race since we began. He destroys us with something that seems good and wonderful. He comes as an angel of light. He comes with a person who "gets you".. while your spouse does not.   He reminds you how great you feel when you are with that other woman or that other man.

LET ME SAY THIS... today's blog is not going to help the person who is STILL playing with fire and still trying to have a lover and a spouse.  No.  You are still deceived. You are still being played by satan.

No.. this is for that person who KNOWS that they are doing the wrong thing, but they have been doing it for so long they don't see a way out. 

So I am going to give you some common sense and spiritual suggestions:

1. When God delivered the Israelites.. He removed them from Egypt in order to do so. 
You are going to have to physically remove yourself from where ever you and your lover have been together.  If it's at work... then you need to find a new job. If it's at church.. then you need to find a new church.  If you live next door, then you need to move.   You cannot tell yourself you are strong enough to resist. If you were strong enough to resist, you would not have fallen in the first place. If you truly want to be delivered from the chains and bondage satan has you caught in then..... Get out of Egypt!  If you are serious about undoing the damage you have done, you need to do it in a place where your marriage can heal. 

2. STOP doing what you know is wrong BEFORE YOU CAN START doing what you know is right.
Adultery always starts innocently.  The other person is a friend first. Then you confide in them and they understand.  There are wonderful things.. so you think... about this relationship.  Your marriage is not as exciting.  This is the trap. So STOP TALKING to that person.  Period. How do you stop? YOU JUST STOP. Change your phone number. Get a new email account.  STOP.  STOP CONFIDIING in that person.  IF you truly want to do the right thing... GOD WILL GIVE YOU THE STRENGTH TO STOP DOING THE WRONG THING.

3.  That person may actually and truly be the "love of your life".  Sorry.
It IS possible that the other person... the other woman.. the other man... is someone you actually DO LOVE MORE THAN your spouse.   You may actually have  DEEPER CONNECTION to your lover.  This is an unfortunate consequence of sin.  You may love them more.  They may love you more.  Your marriage before God did not make provision for adultery.  So many times, people will confide that even after ten, or fifteen years, they STILL think about that lover EVERY DAY. EVERY SINGLE DAY.  This is a consequence of sin, not proof that you lost something precious.  No one vows to love and honor in sickness and in health and until somebody better comes along.  Finding your "soul mate" is not reason enough to justify adultery.  Adultery is sin.  I'm sorry. I don't write the commandments. 

4 Give God time. 
If you think back, it took a while for you to decide to do the wrong thing.  It will take a while for you to heal your marriage, even after you have many days of doing the right thing.  You need a GOOD CHURCH.  You need The Body of Christ. You need God.  He will heal you.  He will heal your spouse. But give Him time.  He gave you time.. didn't He? He didn't destroy your home. He is giving you another chance.  Live in His love and MERCY.  

Leave your comments below.
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Love you,
Mrs. Older 


  1. This is exceptionally good advice.

  2. This is the correct advice. It is not easy. I can tell you that. It is easier than cutting off your right hand. Jesus was pretty adamant about getting rid of the thing that is causing you to sin, even if it happens to be your hand. My marriage survived and is healed. It was not easy. I do think of the other person more often than I would like but I never make any kind of contact. Thank you for telling it like it is.