OPEN THE PRISON DOOR

I have been writing about Jesus advice that in order to feel the love you felt at first you need to DO THE THINGS YOU DID AT FIRST.  He is referring, of course, to our love for HIM.. but.. the principle applies to any love that has grown cold.  
Wife...one of the things "you did at first"  was to  to allow the guy to have some free time.  And I used the word ALLOW on purpose because that word - and the attitude behind it - is the root issue for many girlfriends who eventually become wives.... and it's a problem issue. 
  
TRUTH WE WIVES OFTEN FORGET: Everyone's day and the time in it BELONGS TO GOD - including your husband and his time.  

When you were first dating and he said, "I'm playing  basketball with my friends tonight"... you did NOT say, "OH, NO YOU ARE NOT playing basketball with your friends tonight!"   No, you smiled and realized you are not The Time Warden.   The LORD Jesus... is the LORD of Time.  Including your husband's time. You are living way above your pay grade if you think you have greater dibs on your husband's time than God does. 

I see far too many younger wives - overwhelmed with childcare, working, outside commitments, church volunteering - who assume their husbands are, in reality, Co-Wives, sent by God to help HER meet HER goals.  (You know it's true)  

And I do empathize, sympathize and realize that "at first" you did not have kids, mortgages and grown up commitments.  You say, "Things are different now, and he needs to grow up and focus on family."  True.  HOWEVER..... a home should be a home, and not feel like a prison cell to a man. Men are wired by God to love ADVENTURE and CONQUERING the unconquerable. It's a wise woman who understands this.  A man is not a woman. Thank God for all women out there.

"Mrs. Older, are you telling me that he gets to have NO responsibility around the house? He gets to just go have fun while I'm always stuck at home with the laundry and the kids?"  

Honey, sweetie, lovely girl who became a wife - you KNOW I am NOT saying that.  

I'm talking to the wife who uses the children like a terrorist uses a pipe bomb - always reminding the poor guy that these are his kids too and they'll be scarred forever if he doesn't dote on them all the time.

I'm talking to the wife who assumes that whatever she wants to do he should WANT to do. 

I'm talking to the wife - who takes the kids to her husband's place of business and sits in his office with them for hours every day. (Yes.. he got fired) 
 
I'm talking to the wife who acts like her husband has committed adultery because he wants to go to a sporting event every couple of years with the guys he works with. 

I'm talking to the wife who expects her husband to never fish, or hunt, or bowl, or kayak, or play basketball again because if he wants to it means he doesn't love her.  (Grow up, girl !)

I'm talking to the wife who never thinks it's EVER o.k. for her husband to do ANY THING without her.. EVER.. 

It's to those wives... I say...

Open the prison door.  Why?  It's human nature to resent the warden.  Be a wife, not his warden.
Let him and God decide what he wants to do with some of his time sometimes.  

Jesus - the only PERFECT MAN  - needed to be by Himself from time to time. 

Early on, when I was a young wife, I made a promise to myself that whenever my husband said something like, "I was thinking of going fishing.. Do you mind".. I always said "Sure. Go." 
Why? Because that's where he WANTED to be anyway.  He wanted to go fishing.  Right? Right.
What would I gain by whining, crying, forcing him to be with me?
It's better to have him spend ten minutes with me because he wants to
Than five hours with me because I forced him to.   
That's what I thought. That's what I practiced.
One night, he was going fishing. I said, "O.K. Have fun!"
And ten minutes later, he was home.
"I realized I'd rather be here with you..." he said.
 And I said, "How about I go with you?"
We did.
I caught more fish than he did.
The End.

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XO,
Mrs. Older