Thursday, November 1, 2012

THE WHITE LIE WIFE - With Her Own Hands

This month, an article I wrote for a national Christian magazine hit the stands - and I am getting SO MANY emails from hilariously delighted women who read it - and laughed  - but were convinced they needed to change their ways. (Hallelujah)

I started the article by relating the story of how - years ago -  my husband and I had returned from a vacation at the beach, and he had a really bad sunburn.  Two nights later, he woke up at 2 AM in torment. The burn had turned to itching.  There wasn't a store open at that time to buy any kind of topical relief.  In my sleepiness,  I vaguely remembered reading a magazine article about home-remedies.  I thought I remembered it saying something about sunburn relief.  Did it say mayonnaise would relieve itching? I couldn't remember.  So I told my husband that I had definitely read that mayonnaise relieved sunburn itch. "Really?" he said. "Really." I lied.  I lied and he believed me. Because I am his wife. Wives don't lie.  Do they?  Anyway,  as he was smearing it on his arms and legs.... the sight of him doing that was so funny that I laughed - and he heard me.  "You're lying, aren't you?" he said.   I had to confess.  He wasn't happy with me. Not. At. All.

We laugh about it now,it didn't do any deep damage.... but..... it did some.  Even now... decades later... if I EVER offer a home remedy about something... he looks at me... and I can see the Mayonnaise Mishap in his eyes. I don't like him doubting me but I don't blame him for doing it.  It isn't a big deal.. but it's a scar and I caused the wound that made the scar.

Which brings me to a subtle thing I notice some wives doing from time to time that tears down their homes more than they might really understand or want to admit.  They lie.  Well, they don't classify it as lying. They just want things to run smoothly so that "forget" to mention things like how much something costs, how that dent REALLY got in the fender, small stuff. No big deal. Except that it is a big deal... small lies do big damage.

1-  First of all- according to God lying is wrong. No, wait, that's a lie. Lying is sin.
2 - Secondly, your children are silent witnesses to your lying ways.
A few months ago, a friend of mine  - a Pastor's wife - called to ask for prayer for wisdom to deal with a situation in her church.

I don't know their names. I just know that two women are members of the church  - a thirty-something wife and her sixty six year old mother-in-law. Their fourteen year old daughter and granddaughter had been lying lying about a bad situation at school and had been suspended from school for a month.   Her grandmother was enlisted to be her supervisor during the month while her parents went to work during the day.

One day, the granddaughter opened up to her grandmother and said, "Grandma, all my life I watched my mother lie.  She lies to Daddy all the time about everything.  She lies about spending money, about where we were during the day. I could never figure out why she always warned us to not tell Daddy and you about where we'd been and what we were doing.  Grandma, she lies to you all the time. She tells you that she didn't get your phone calls, when I watch her holding her cell phone, seeing your number and NOT answering your calls. She warned me all my life that if I told you - or my Dad - that she way lying to you I would get in trouble.  So I don't see why she's all upset about me lying about my grades, my friends, and being with my boyfriend.  All my life I was a good girl for NOT telling everybody the truth and now she is punishing me for the same thing??
Why is is o.k. for her to lie to you, to Daddy and so many people about so many things... but I have to tell the truth?"
The root of this girl's problems came from having a White Lie Mommy.
Maybe you aren't as bad a liar as this Mom is.  But how many lies does your child have to see you telling to consider that maybe lying is o.k. ... sometimes. 

Are you a White Lie Wife?
You are tearing down your own house.
Are you a White Lie Momma?
You are tearing down your own children.

Do you hide motives? Do you forget to tell the whole story? Do you make up excuses to people on the phone while your children see and hear you?

There are other options to lying.  We'll discuss those in the next blog.
God still loves you today... even if you can see that you have White Life Wife And Mommy Tendencies.
3- God sees you.  God hears you.  God loves you.  He just doesn't love the lying.

Jesus says, "Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God."

With her own hands, the White Lie Wife and Mommy is tearing at the foundation of a Godly life - and the life of her family.

(BTW - the next day I found the article and discovered it was fresh lemon juice that would have helped with the itch of sunburn. My husband ignored me when I told him. )

Leave some comments.
Let me know what you think.

Mrs. Older

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  1. Ok, well, first, your anonymity is making me really intrigued...I kind of want to play detective to figure out who you are in real life. ;)

    This is so good...our kids see every single thing we do. When they're little, we convince ourselves that they don't really know what's going on, but eventually, it sinks in and they think everything they see should be imitated. Good reminder to watch over my actions even while my kids are small.

    Elizabeth@Warrior Wives

  2. I LOVE this! Even little white lies are damaging. Thank you for this!

  3. Very well written! I'm embarrassed to say this, but...I'm guilty of doing some of these same things! I really needed to read this! Thanks!

  4. Hi Mrs Older, ouch and ouch again. Thank you for this excellent post and how a little white lie can turn into something so all consuming and damaging. Planting or seeds, good or bad, will eventually grow into something. Again, thank you
    God bless