Wednesday, November 7, 2012

PLAYING FAVORITES - With Her Own Hands

(First, let me say, that I don't know WHY some of you got an email yesterday of a blog I wrote last July... and it's especially ironic because the blog was saying that it had happened before. At random.. a blog is sent out again.  Sorry. Sorry. Hope you enjoyed it. And second.. I've added a "reaction" tab to the bottom of the blog.  Check it out and use it?)

Today we will talk about two brothers who hated each other.  And the woman who tore her house down by causing it.
Her method?  She played favorites.  She preferred one kid over the other. And it was obvious.  And it destroyed her home, her life and crushed her heart.
Their grandfather was the famous patriarch Abraham.
They were twin brothers - Esau and Jacob.
Isaac was their father.
Rebekah was their mother.
The key to their extreme hatred for one another can be found in Genesis 25:28  "Isaac loved Esau because he enjoyed eating the wild game Esau brought home, but Rebekah loved Jacob."
A house divided cannot stand.
But... ultimately... it was Rebekah's unwillingness to let Esau get something instead of Jacob getting it (Isaac's blessing) that blew the lid of the undercurrent of bitterness in this home.
And destroyed it.
Destroyed it.
 
Why did Rebekah favor Jacob?  Only she knows why. Why do some mothers have obvious favorites? Only she knows why. 

The thing about having favorites is that you can't hide it.
It's like a cloud hanging over the family. There is going to be a undercurrent of bitterness and resentment in the kids who are not favored.  And who can blame them? Who wants to be the one Mom doesn't like the most?
No kid does.
Over the years,  I have spoken to MORE THAN A FEW women... who were unfaithful during their marriage... and have children living in the home who are NOT their husband's children.  They stay married.......repented.. God forgave them and restored their marriage and kept their homes together...... but...the aftermath is that very often these women feel the need to protect the kid whose Daddy is not her husband.  Sometimes no one knows the kid's true identity. She lives in fear of being found out.  Whatever the reason, she protects "brother Bobby" in ways she does not do with the others.  But the other kids don't know that "Mommy guilt" is the reason "brother Bobby" always gets his way.  

And then I've spoken... years later.. to the children living in these homes.. and have seen the aftermath of anger and resentment and what it did to the UN-favorite child.


Then there's the step-child.  So many women write to me, speak to me, about the fact that they TRY to love that kid as much as they love their own.. but.. sometimes they just don't. 

If you are a Mom who plays favorties....DON'T FEEL BAD.  DON'T FEEL CONDEMNED.
THE GOOD NEWS is that GOD LOVES wives who play favorites. HE always loves you. You are always HIS PERFECT child. He isn't mad at you for doing it.  He isn't.
BUT...God's plan is always ONE UNIFIED LOVING FAMILY.

Sometimes some women avoid admitting this because they don't want to have to love that favored child less... but..

Don't think that the solution to the problem is that you have to love the favored child LESS.
Ask God to give you the power -through the Holy Spirit - to let you love the other children MORE.

Playing favorites is not the way God loves His children.
And it shouldn't be the way His children love their children.

Ask for help. Ask and you will receive.
XOXOXO,
Mrs. Older.
P.S. I truly do not know how to put a link to my twitter account here.  I have spent hours poring over the instructions.  Add a button it says. And the button does not show up.
If any reader can tell me how to put a link to:
twitter.com/awordtothewives
please do.








 

4 comments:

  1. I have never read anyone addressing this issue before and it hit me in the heart. I am the woman you describe. I felt so bad when I first read this but I did what you said and I asked God to help me love my other children more. All day yesterday I felt peace inside for the first time in years. I am convinced he is going to help me. Last night in our home was a peaceful time. Thank you for being brave enough to speak the truth.

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  2. Very convicting.

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  3. I wish I knew who you are because I would send you flowers for helping me with this issue. I don't want to list my name because I don't want to embaras my kids thank you so much

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