The other day..... I wrote about a woman who sent me an email to say that she and her husband were "going through the motions" in her marriage. The feelings were gone. I wrote that Jesus said to a church who was dead to "do the things you did at first". And that it's great wisdom for ANY relationship. Here are two comments from readers. Leave your comments about their comments if you want to. Thanks.
FROM "Blessed" Feb 23, 2012 06:30 AM
Making the time to "date" your husband is very important. Hanging on his every word, complimenting who he is daily, being affectionate, all things that I did when we first started out but changed when the children came into the picture. My babies became most important and I guess I felt it was good because he would be proud of what a great mom I was. (After all I was "just" a stay home mom and if that was my identity I was going to be the best at it) In trying to be supermom I made him feel inadequate in the area of parenting, so he backed off and allowed me to do it all. This became exhausting and I became resentful as he became more disconnected and less helpful. I began to see him as a burden, someone else I needed to take care of. He felt that. He felt disrespected and unloved even though I was doing his laundry, making his meals,cleaning up after him, raising his children...you get the picture. It wasn't long before I was faced with the reality of an affair he was having with a woman who made him feel capable, needed, important..like a man. In no way do I take any responsibility for his actions. He made a destructive choice that almost did our family in. However, I learned very quickly the importance of making sure that your husband knows that he is respected by you, loved by you, needed by you. I dropped some of the kids activities and simplified our lives and you know what, we were all happier. We began talking again, dating again and I ,well, am still learning not to micromanage. It's ok that it isnt done perfectly because its done and I dont have to worry about it. (He honestly didn't help because he felt it wasn't good enough so why try. this was a surprise to me..really.) I am through the pain of that, after 4 years, but it is work not to go back to old habits or attitudes. It's daily making an effort to listen to each other, thank each other, helping each other, enjoying each other and our family together. Prayer!!!! If it weren't for God's hand because of prayer we never would have made it. God's hand in every detail still leaves me amazed. I have stories! We know refer to ourselves as "heavy weights" when we think of all we've been through.(We had health issues that were also taking place during this time plus loss of several friends..it was a crazy 4 years) He is my best friend,my lover, my partner in this life and my kids are happier having two imperfect parents than having one supermom.
So true! I'm right there many days with this woman. The problem isn't even that my husband isn't doing nice things for me and showing interest in me. The problem is I'm exhausted and all I really want him to do is take some of the "mothering" burden off of me. I sometimes see him as someone else on my list of people who "need" something from me and some days I just don't have anything else to dish out. That being said, I am trying on a new attitude. I certainly don't want some other woman stepping in to my shoes, and I'm certainly not naive enough to know that it can't happen. So, I am putting on a smile, telling him I love and appreciate him and finding the energy to be the wife I used to be. I needed this reminder of "doing the things you did at first". I mean, I loved doing this mans laundry. I loved cooking for him. I loved anything I could do to show him I loved him. I really needed this reminder today! Keep it coming.
And so......we grow.......we learn........we call out to Jesus......and He helps us when we call.