HERE IT IS:
You are going to have to forgive whatever hurt your husband has inflicted on you... and you are going to have to ask God to heal you of that inner anger and rage.
THE REALITY OF THIS IS THAT:
This is not fair.
This is not easy.
I'm not going to subject you to paragraph after paragraph about the teachings of Jesus - that IF YOU WANT TO BE FORGIVEN - you must forgive.
However, dear sweet, wounded Mrs. Younger, whatever the reason for your anger....when and if you allow it to stay there.. when and if you feel justified in not forgiving... when a root of bitterness takes hold of you... THEN.. the anger is as sinful as what ever caused it to be there.
I am a debater. I like to prove my point. I like things to be fair. I don't like it when Mr. Older doesn't see my side of an argument, or my side of anything. One day, as a young bride, I understood that if I want to please God, if I want His presence in my life, my home and my marriage, I can NEVER JUSTIFY ANGER. I fought this idea for many years. And then, in obedience to God, I asked Him to help me to stop justifying myself before Him and JUST OBEY.
You may be 100% accurate when you remind whoever will listen (including yourself and God) that what he did.. or did not do.. or said.. or did not say.. IS CERTAINLY SOMETHING ANY WOMAN WOULD BE ANGRY AT.
Your anger - resting and living and making a home inside you - is wrong before your Holy Father God.
When we do not forgive, we GIVE a mighty foothold to satan.
So many of us do not understand that the reason we are easy prey to the devices of the enemy of our souls is that we are JUSTIFYING our anger.
But the anger. The anger. It will kill you sweet faced woman of God. I've heard so many people remind us that forgiving others is freeing ourselves. That when we allow what someone has done to us to produce anger and unforgiveness inside, we are the prisoner and forgiveness will set us free.
So, o.k., I agree with that statement, but let me add another one: Holding on to anger DISPLEASES GOD. Don't get rid of anger ONLY to feel better. Get rid of anger because GOD DEMANDS IT.
No amount of what he did, no amount of debating, no amount of explaining our side is going to change God's mind.
BUT THEN... your husband just gets off the hook? For what he did to you? Well, whoever told you that you were the one to put him ON the hook? He doesn't answer to you. He answers to God.
Here's how you do it. Here's how you set yourself free:
"Father, you see what's been done to me. I am angry about it. I have felt justified in being angry. Now, I see that anger, in and of itself,displeases You. I want to please You. I do not want to forgive. But the anger is wrong. Even if I was wronged. Take the anger away. I give it to you. Heal me of this inner anger, Father, by the power of your Holy Spirit."
PRAY IT. KEEP PRAYING IT. KEEP WANTING THE ANGER GONE. No matter what your husband does or is doing.
And one day, you will find that it is.
And your husband?
God will deal with your husband.
(BTW... this applies to every single person who has ever hurt you at all, ever, in all your lifetime. You cannot justify keeping the anger when God is so willing to heal you of it.)
THE ONLY HEART THAT YOU CAN CHANGE IS YOURS.
THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN CHANGE IT IS THE HOLY SPIRIT.
I love you.