I waited for her to finish her point.
Evidently, that WAS her point: her husband never sees HER side of the argument.
I gently replied, "Well, if he DID see your side of the argument, then you wouldn't be having an argument, would you?"
She sat there musing over these words and then muttered, "Well, that's true."
I continued, "So the whole foundation of an argument is that you can't see his side and he can't see yours. If he saw your side, and agreed with you then you wouldn't be arguing."
She looked at me like I had just morphed in to Obi Won Kanobi and Yoda all wrapped in to one person. "Yes.. that's true" she answered
I explained to her something I'd learned decades ago. I explained that I would often get off track when my husband and I disagreed because my main GOAL was to get him to agree with me. I wanted him to agree that I was right, to acknowledge that my position on whatever was causing the argument was the correct one.
The only problem is that he was just as sure that I was wrong and he was right.
And once again.. it is the simple truth of getting through life with a spouse that is so often overlooked.
Where did we get the idea that a good marriage is one where you NEVER disagree?
Accept that the reason you are having an argument is because he feels just as strongly that he is RIGHT as you do that he is WRONG.
The goal is not to get him to agree with you.. but to reach "agreement."
This is different.
It doesn't matter WHAT you are arguing about - it is a foolish husband and wife whose goal is to be right.. to convince the other of his/her "rightness."
After a while.. after arguing about something all night, or all week, or all month, or all year........it begins to tear at the foundation of your love. You may not see it at first, but stubborn refusal to reach agreement is taking its toll.
IT IS POSSIBLE TO LOVE SOMEONE YOU DO NOT AGREE WTIH.
IT IS POSSIBLE.
IT IS PREFERABLE.
An argument means you don't agree. Why is this shocking?
Agreement means you don't care if you agree, as long as you get along.
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.