Monday, July 1, 2013


Sometimes I look at my husband of forty-three years and say "I like you."  We both know it means... "When I  see you apart from your role as my husband... when I don't have all the requirements and all the expectations of what kind of a husband you are... or are not...When I just look at you as a man..... I like who you are. You're a nice guy."   Now, we've never had a discussion which explains all that.  I simply say, "I like you." and he smiles like he knows what I mean....

Maybe you might like your husband better if you stopped looking at him as your husband and just looked at him as a man?  Just considered him a friend?  Some women I know were (are) so intent on "getting a husband" that they never looked at him as someone with whom they could share a lifelong friendship. Because... sweet things.. that's what marriage is:  a lifelong friendship.  The Bible places a high value on friendship.  

Jesus put a high value on being friends.
 He said:
"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.  You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you."(John 15:12-15)

From this I am reminded that....
  • The way we are required to love one another (including our husband) is the way Jesus loves us.   This is a COMMAND not a suggestion.  If more wives spent as much time asking, "Do I love my husband the way God is expecting me to?" rather than "Does my husband love ME the way God expects him to?"... we'd all be a lot more content.  This kind of love has to be a miraculous work of the Holy Spirit.  But.. just because we cannot do it on our own doesn't mean we can ignore Jesus command.  Ask the Spirit of God to place that kind of love in your heart.  Have you? 
  • You cannot lay down your life for someone who is not.. at the core of the relationship... a FRIEND.   Marriage requires the willingness to lay down YOUR life for your friend - your husband.
  • Friendship with Jesus has rules.  You cannot be friends with another person and ignore the basic rule of loving that person. 
  • Jesus says...."Everything I have learned from my Father.. I have made known to you." Friendship - according to Jesus - means being open and transparent and telling ALL.  A couple cannot hide from one another... cannot have secrets... cannot hide their feelings.. and still be FRIENDS..Are you hiding from your husband?  Do you have secrets?  It's affecting your friendship and therefore affecting your marriage.
Mrs. Older doesn't mind telling you - I'm giving you some million dollar advice here... and I'm giving it to you for FREE.   In our society, which is overflowing with Marriage Media Madness.. we can forget that the basic foundation of every relationship has to start with being friends.

Stop being married.  For just one day?  For just one hour? 
Stop expecting husband.
Start being friends.

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Mrs. Older.

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