MARRIAGE WARS -SIMPLE SECRETS #6

I know from years of experience of dealing with married couples that what I am about to write is going to get you very annoyed at me. I'm going to say it anyway. Why? I love you and I'm not skeered.

In my last blog I talked about Distraction.  

THE PURPOSE OF DISTRACTION is to cause us to focus on something other than what WE SHOULD BE FOCUSED ON. It's a very effective, and often unnoticed weapon being used against us and our marriages. 

Today, I WOULD LIKE TO BRING YOUR ATTENTION TO A DISTRACTION THAT MAY BE CAUSING SOME CRACKS IN THE FOUNDATION OF YOUR MARRIAGE. Ready?  Here goes:

YOUR CHILDREN.

Are you still there?  Still reading? 

Yes. I said, "Your children" can become a great distraction in the relationship between you and your husband.   O.K. take a breath!

God certainly says that children are a blessing. I am a mom. I am a grandmother. I love those kids!  Adore them. God says they are a heritage of the Lord.  He says that parents should spend their time teaching their children and raising them the ways of the Lord. Raise them up to love and serve God.  He clearly instructs that one of the primary purposes of marriage is children. Children. Children. 

CHILDREN ARE A GOOD, GOOD THING AND A BLESSING FROM GOD.

BUT....if you are SO FOCUSED ON YOUR CHILDREN, IF 

WHAT THE CHILDREN WANT, WHAT THE CHILDREN NEED, WHAT THE CHILDREN DESIRE BECOMES YOUR PRIMARY FOCUS... SO..THAT YOU HARDLY LOOK AT ONE ANOTHER ANYMORE.. YOU ARE BEING DISTRACTED. 

I don't see anywhere in Scripture where God says that marriages should be so child-focused that the husband/wife relationship is ignored and neglected.  Do you? No. you don't because it isn't there. 

I am discussing this because it is something that comes up time after time when a couple finds themselves growing apart.  I see it over, and over, and over and over and..... well.. you get it.  

I have heard so many others warning a husband and wife that someday the children will grow up and leave home and if you don't work on YOUR relationship you will find yourself living with someone who has become a stranger.  

Well I guess that's true, but more than that... as your children are growing up in your home, it is YOUR EXAMPLE they are going to follow.  They are watching the way you do marriage.

YOU ARE HARMING YOUR CHILDREN AND THEIR FUTURE FAMILY IF YOU HAVE SET AN EXAMPLE FOR THEM THAT children run the home and not the parents!

Your grandchildren and your great-grandchildren will be out of balance for decades to come... 

From the Mr. and Mrs. Younger's that I have dealt with, it is usually Mrs. Younger who creates this unbalance in the home and marriage.  

Her priority becomes the comfort and care of the children - more than her husband.  Understand me, there is a season when the children NEED to be the priority. 

But for some Mrs. Younger's that season NEVER ENDS. 

She expects her husband to put the comfort and care of the children first - all the time, every day, day in and day out, month after month, year after year.

IF HE DOESN'T, THERE IS _ _ _ _ TO PAY.

It takes a real woman to figure out how to know when she is a wife first and a mother second.

MOM... 

It takes a heart yielded to the Holy Spirit to know when Mr. Older needs the respect and attention of his wife, more than the children need the fussing and caring of their mom.

OVER THE YEARS, many times, I have gently tried to get so many Mrs. Youngers to notice what is obvious to me:  Mr. Older is getting tired of spending every minute of his life catering to the kids.  They ignored me.  They shouldn't have.

NO CHILD HAS EVER SUFFERED PERMANENT EMOTIONAL DAMAGE because Mom and Dad went out on a date night instead of taking the family to the ice skating rink or a kid's movie.

Sometimes.. be a couple again.

Your children need to see you being a couple.

Your children need to see the example that the reason they ARE a family is because two people fell in love.

I pray today that you will be, at the very least, open to re-examining the possibility that you have allowed your home to be so child-focused that it is robbing your marriage.

Feel free to leave your comments.

XO
Mrs. Older