IF I WERE SOMEONE'S HUSBAND....

I would think long and pray deep about my identity as a husband.  God requires much from a man who becomes a husband. 

If you are reading this because your wife asked you to read it, you might want to ask yourself why your own wife is asking you to read this????  Seriously.  

If I were someone's husband:

1) I would be sure I understood that submission in marriage is a two-way street:

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."(Eph. 5:21)

Submission, by it's very nature, has to be a personal and VOLUNTARY decision. A Christian man who is demanding submission is, in reality, demanding slavery. The one thing Jesus came to do is to set captives free.  People being FREE is the core of Jesus mission. So why would he then expect wives to be SLAVES????

Marriage - and Christianity - is about having the love of God so pervade your heart and mind that you willingly CHOOSE to prefer someone over yourself.  Submission has to be your choice or it isn't submission. That includes your wife. 

2) Expect my wife to submit to my leadership as she submits to Christ. 

  "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." (Eph. 5:22-24)

Lots of husbands I meet want the submission, but aren't too focused on providing the leadership required for such a thing. If I were someone's husband, I would walk in humility before God - understanding that I am the one who will answer to God for where I led my family. Did I lead them to value material possessions instead of valuing things that will never pass away?  Did I lead them to serve others with a willing heart? Did I lead by example??  
What comes first: a husband who isn't leading anywhere or a wife who will not follow?   If I were someone's husband I would consistently be asking God to let me lead my family to follow Jesus... and then follow my example as I follow Christ.

3) Understand that it is MY responsibility to see that my wife feels loved and that she grows in love for the Lord.

 

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church for we are members of his body.  “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (Ephesians 5:25-33)

Christ is not the Church's puppet...He is THE HEAD of THE CHURCH - who gave His very life so that there could BE a Church. If I were someone's husband, I would be constantly asking the Holy Spirit to change me in to the kind of husband who has the power to be what these verses say.  I would pray to love my wife (WHO RESPONDS TO LOVE) in a self-sacrificing way but strong and God centered way.  I would put HER NEEDS first.  Jesus didn't wait for US to ask Him to be our Savior. FIRST He gave His life, FIRST, He provided what we needed to survive and THEN we were able to submit to what HE willingly gave. 

4) Accept that the way I treat my wife affects the way God hears my prayers.
 
"Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life,

 so that nothing will hinder your prayers." (1 Peter 3:7)

If I were someone's husband, and I read these verses (the ones YOU just read) I would want to understand that the way I FEEL about my wife should begin with being considerate of her and any "weaknesses" she may have because she is female.  I know, I know, in this day and age, we don't want to say women are weaker in any way, but, this verse is telling husbands, don't expect your wife to be a man.  Men have strengths that women do not.  If you think she's weak because she is emotional, be considerate. If you think she's weak because she worries about the kids more than you do, be considerate and not exasperated.  If she cannot keep up with you because her body is breaking down, be considerate and slow down a little.  BUT ALSO REMEMBER THIS:  she is not weak when it comes to the Kingdom of God. She is an heir with you of the gracious gift of salvation and life. In the Kingdom of God, and the gifts of the Holy Spirit she is YOUR EQUAL... a joint-heir.  Be sure you see to it that she flourishes in that Kingdom. Remember to be considerate of anything in her that seems "weak" to you, and remember to honor her as a woman who is equal to you the Kingdom of God. Why should you, a husband, remember this?

So that nothing will hinder your prayers.

5) Be willing to admit my mistakes, and ask for forgiveness when I need to.

OK.. this is long enough,

IF your wife asked you to read this, ASK HER WHY SHE DID.

And LISTEN to what she says.
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XO,

Mrs. Older