THE RIGHT TO FIGHT

Mr. Older and I just celebrated our 45th Anniversary. Most people who know us say that we have one of those marriages that seem happy.  We are happy.  We got married soon after graduating from high school.  When you add the three years we dated in high school to the 45 years we've been married...it means that I have spent 79% of my life WITH my husband.

As we grew in to adults together, we formed our opinions about things together.  We decided what we liked, and didn't like - together.  We planned our future - together.  We didn't have much of a past to overcome..we had little past that didn't include each other.  You'd think that two people who have spent 79% of their lives with one another would never argue.. never disagree... never think the other person is bull headed and stubborn.  You think?  Well... to this day, we have opinions that differ from one another - and to this day - we still have arguments and disagreements. We still have days where we annoy one another.  Why do we have disagreements?

Well, from my side of the marriage, it's because Mr. Older is wrong. Dead wrong.  And refuses to admit that he's wrong and to admit that I'm right. 
He is wrong.
Wronger.
Wrongest.
And conversely,
I am right.
Righter
Rightest.

Are you gasping in horror that I would say such a thing?
Well gasp louder because.. It's just as true about you and your spouse.

Let's face it... no one has an argument with another person because they think the other person is right.  Duh.

We argue to WIN OUR POINT.. because we think OUR POINT is the ONLY HOLY, CORRECT and RIGHTEOUS ONE THAT MATTERS.
That's the truth.
Difficult to read.
Even more difficult to admit.

You are angry and/or arguing with your Mr. Husband because...

You think you are right.
You think he is wrong.
And you think that because  you are right.. it gives you the right to prove he is wrong. 
Don't you?
Of course you do.

YOU BELONG TO "THE RIGHT TO FIGHT" CLUB. 
Your human nature (and mine) instinctively and sinfully urge us to prove our point, insist on getting our way, and believing that winning an argument at any cost is worth the cost of the damage done to the relationship.

You believe with your whole heart... that when you are right.. you have the right to fight..
 
And isn't just reading those words so... so... RIDICULOUS?
I mean who would destroy a day, or an evening, or a weekend, or a home or a marriage on the ridiculous assumption that you are SO CORRECT in your assessment that your husband is SO WRONG that it justifies destroying the peace in your home?
Making you kids quiver in fear over the anger that permeates the atmosphere.
Who would do that?
We would, that's who.

And if I can just suggest that maybe you aren't as RIGHT as you think you are... 
(It IS possible)
And maybe...He has a point you aren't willing to consider...
(Have you considered that?)
And maybe...
Thinking before YOU SPEAK THOSE CRUSHING WORDS..
and 
deciding NOT TO SAY THEM..
Will have benefits in the long run that far outweigh proving your point in the present.
LISTEN TO ME SWEET AND SASSY SISTER IN THE LORD..

Don't believe the Lie that these arguments are not doing damage.
They ARE doing deep and unseen damage to your marriage.

Maybe...he just CANNOT SEE things FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE because..
 (DRUMROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL):

HE.  ISN'T.  YOU

Wisdom is knowing when to speak.
And when to let it go.
And that kind of wisdom comes from God.
And we all NEED that wisdom.
And we need to ask for it.
And God will gladly send it.

Don't be a fool with your marriage.

"Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling."
Proverbs 20:3

I love you,
Mrs. Older

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