In my "real" life as a writer, I write a monthly column in a magazine with a pretty healthy circulation among people who attend church regularly. Last month, I wrote a funny story about how I am a creature of habit, and how God is showing me - EVEN AT MY AGE - that HE HAS NEW PLANS FOR MY LIFE...
This morning I received a wonderful email from a woman who is 77 years old, a widow, and who took the time to write and tell me she enjoyed my column. Although I don't know her, I could sense from her email that she is a wonderful and loving woman who is "asking God what He wants to do with my life."
I took the opportunity to share my heart with her - to share MY mission with her - to tell her what God has been impressing on my heart VERY STRONGLY for the past four years:
DO WHAT THE NEW TESTAMENT TELLS THE OLDER WOMEN TO DO.
"Teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." Titus 2:3-5 (NIV)
And so, for all the Mrs. Younger's out there who read this on a regular basis, I have to tell you something: Sometimes you scare the older women out there. You scare us.. sometimes. Honest.
We grew up in a different society. We grew up in a different CHURCH society. And...
Sometimes it seems like you don't need or want anyone's advice..
You have so much information at your fingertips.. and so.. we Mrs. Olders just kind of shrink back and don't offer you our lives... don't try to teach anything... and THAT ISN'T GOD'S PLAN.
SO WILL YOU DO ME A FAVOR? Will you leave your comments below about whether or not you HAVE an older Godly woman who mentors you? Will you tell us what that means to you? Will you tell us if and how she has loved and helped you? Will you explain what it's like to be twenty-something, or thirty-something and trying to raise a family and succeed at marriage WITHOUT anyone's advice?
YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE YOUR NAME. YOU CAN POST ANONYMOUSLY.
WILL YOU TELL THE OTHER MRS. OLDER's out there that God DOES have a use for them in the lives of younger women?
Thank you so very, very much.
BTW.... if you enjoy reading this.. please encourage your friends to sign up to receive this via email. Upper right corner of the page. Thanks.
XO,
Mrs. Older
(Click on the "comments" tab below to see what other women may have posted.)
(Click on the "comments" tab below to see what other women may have posted.)
Mrs. Older, I would be very happy to add my comments. First I would like to say that this blog has been used by God to fill a void in my life. Thank you because YOU are the older woman God has used to help me and teach me. I have sent you emails under a fictitcious name, and you have been so kind to offer me Godly counsel and to pray for me and check up on me to see how I am doing. You don't even know me, there is nothing in it for you, you just offer God's love. Thank you. I do have a woman at church who is married to the man who leads our small group. In the past six months, because of how you loved me, I have reached out to her. She has helped me so much when I am about to lose it when the four children, the husband, the lack of finances and exhaustion have made me want to give up. Thank you. I would say to the older women out there that you should not be scared of younger women. We need help. We may not ask for it, and we don't want a bossy woman trying to control us. But is someone has enough love to walk beside us and keep us steady in life we would be most grateful
ReplyDeleteSweet girl, thank you for this comment. I do answer emails when someone sends one, and I have no idea which email you sent, but I am so thankful to God that He allowed you to feel His comfort. Thanks for taking the time to comment. I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
DeleteMy mother was an alcoholic. My father did his best to raise my two older brothers and me. My mother was absent even while she was living in our home. When I was fifteen years old, I had become very promiscuous and rebellious. My youth pastor's wife was in her early thirties and she decided that she couldn't sit back and let me destroy my life. I understand now that 33 years old is not an older woman, but to a fifteen year old she was. She lovingly helped me learn that boys would take sex from any girl who would give it. She explained it wasn't love. She showed me that dressing more modestly was the best way. She helped me and tutored me in math because I was failing. She bought me my prom dress beause my mother was too drunk to care. To this day, she continues to call me and check up on me. I went to Bible College. My husband is now a youth pastor. I try to be to other girls what Samantha was to me. Thank you Samantha. For who you were and continue to be in my life. I couldn't have made it without you.
ReplyDeleteWOW. Wonderful comment.
DeleteMy mother was a great mom but she died when I was 14. All of the older women in the church stepped in to be my mom. They did all the things a mom would have done. They loved me. I went to them with my questions in high school, and about dating. They helped me buy my wedding gown and now that I have a baby they are there for me from hundreds of miles away. I thank God for them every day. I still miss my mom though.
ReplyDeleteThank you LIsa. A very sweet comment.
DeleteI think there are a few things that play into this dynamic. Women from 20-40 have been raised in a feminist society that double-dog dares us to admit we can't do or know it all by ourselves. This is terribly unbiblical, but most of us don't even know that. We were largely raised in homes where God was only mentioned occasionally if at all. We may have been taken to Sunday school and VBS, but we weren't taught at home because our parents were both working to provide us with a "better life." Because we are following in their footsteps, we are much more influenced by societal norms than biblical truth. We desperately need help from women who've been there and done that, but we believe that to acknowledge that need is weakness. For those of us who do know our Bibles and value its truth and our Savior more than what society would have us believe, pickin's are slim. It's rare to find a woman our mothers' ages who is spiritually mature enough to help us.
ReplyDeleteIn my case, I have several wonderful, older, godly, bible-brained women whom I can ask for help. I feel VERY blessed in this. Of course, these relationships happened because I did actually ask for help. I remember the first older women to offer me help without my asking. She was persistent even though I gave her the, "I've got it covered," attitude (I was 23 and quite arrogant back then). She became one of the most precious people to ever love me. We developed a beautiful relationship, though I never made it easy for her. She was willing to face my rejection of her offer of experience in order to love me. Sounds like Jesus, doesn't it? Older women, please don't take our arrogance and falseness personally. Do what God calls you to do even if we aren't mature enough to appreciate it. It WILL make a difference.
OH... WOW.. thank you and thank you AGAIN. This is such a well thought and loving response. Since you posted anonymously.. I hope you don't mind if I include your comments in a future blog. I LOVE THIS.. I would HUG YOU if I could. Thanks. Older Women: "DO WHAT GOD CALLS YOU TO DO EVEN IF WE AREN'T MATURE ENOUGH TO APPRECIATE IT. It WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE." Yes.. yes... thank you thank you.
DeleteI wish I had a woman that would have stepped up and guided me, but I would have never known, or been comfortable, asking for help. I'm 48 now and see the need for a mentor that I did not see in my younger years. We went for pre-marriage counseling, but it wasn't much of anything. All the issues that are truly important were not brought up. The "counseling" was mostly planning for the ceremony.
ReplyDeleteMuch heartache could have been avoided, if someone would have talked openly and honestly with me, even before the marriage. Since we young women think we know everything, it might not always be advisable to give advice as advice. What would probably work best, and be most appreciated, would be for an older woman to offer a meal out and simply talk. If the older women would come alongside and befriend us, sharing their stories, without calling it advice, we would love it and learn from it.
Now, as I see storms brewing in young marriages, I speak out, but in love and compassion. I usually speak to the husbands, though, because I see the same problems I experienced. I see how the men don't defend the women, don't put them above all others, and don't make time for them. I see from the wives' points of views, and many men are willing to listen to another wife on an issue that they could ignore coming from their own wives.
Of course, mentoring a man would not work. My comments to a man always come in a public place with their wives right there. I understand the dangers of dealing with the opposite sex. It's not a mentoring thing, only a comment here and there.
I wish our churches would teach this need and make it easier, maybe lining up lady mentors. Maybe I'll suggest that at my church.
Thanks for your comments.. You seem like a pretty wise woman there..
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