NEWS FLASH: YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND !

REALLY?  REALLY. 
I know it seems obvious and insulting to remind a wife that her husband is not, uh, like, her girlfriend... It is not my intention to insult anyone. I am blessed to have four or five women who would walk through hell and high water with me and for me.  I love them like sisters. Having a GOOD FRIEND to share your heart with is God's way of helping women to get through the joys of marriage and motherhood.  

BUT - BUT - BUT- BUT- BUT- BUT - BUT
Some wives get confused and think that a husband should be like a girlfriend. This is (IN MY NOT-SO-HUMBLE OPINION)  one of the elementary mistakes a wife makes that causes her to tear down her home with her own hands.  A girlfriend instinctively understands that the reason you are telling her about the difficult co-worker, or your in-laws, feeling old, looking fat, balancing the budget........is JUST BECAUSE you want to tell someone.  This is a good reason.  To a woman.

But a husband?  A husband is trying to understand WHAT YOU WANT HIM TO DO about WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT.   (Most husbands.)

So, for example, if you say something like, "Susie at work is getting on my last nerve !" your husband's  INITIAL THOUGHTS ARE... "What can I do about this? How can I fix this? I need to protect her from Susie.  What should I do? What should I do? What should I do?"

This, in theory, is all well and good to have a husband who wants to be your hero and protector.   However... just like the boy who cried "wolf" too many times... the MORE a husband realizes there is nothing he can do about what you are talking about... the LESS likely he is to really listen.   As time passes, this becomes obvious to the wife who is offended by his lack of interest... and then she gets all huffy and puffy and pouty.  And the tearing down begins.  And satan smiles in the bowels of hell to think he is helping another marriage to fail.  In the meantime, your husband has tuned you out - not because he doesn't love you but because most of the stuff you tell him doesn't have a thing that he can do about it.

Men don't NEED TO TALK like women do.  Listen to men speak.  Do you hear them speaking to one another about things like a difficult co-worker, their in-laws, feeling old, looking fat... etc?  Most of the time... they talk about what they did.  A fishing trip, hunting trip, fixing the car, watching a game...

So then I will give you some advice.  Take it. Or leave it.  But it's good advice.

HOW TO SPEAK TO A MAN

A man is looking for the solution. So as you speak he is "speed-hearing".  Similar to speed-reading, this means he is hearing only every third or fourth word because he is waiting to JUMP IN TO ACTION.   So your spoken sentence: "I am really, really getting frustrated over the fact that you are always watching football every Saturday and all day Sunday"  reaches your husband's ears as:  "Really, the fact always football all day Sunday."  This confuses him, "What did she say?  I should watch football all day Sunday?"

If you say, "You and I never have any time alone anymore'" the speed-hearing husband hears: "I never alone time" so he leaves the room to give you some space.  

The key is to give the poor guy something he can DO.  He is not your girlfriend who understands that talking IS the end.. and not the MEANS to an end.

So rather than saying, "The girl at work is driving me crazy."

Say:

"I need your advice about what you would do about this difficult co-worker."

And then you get to tell him the same thing you would have, but now he knows what HE CAN DO ABOUT IT.

If you say,

"I don't feel like you love me anymore" this is a non-action sentence because he cannot show you his heart... which... honestly... DOES loves you... but you need to give him some action options.

So.. say something like:

"When you used to take me out on date nights... it made me feel so loved.  Can we do that again?" or  "Would you please just hug and kiss me more?  Like you used to?"  or " I need someone to listen to me because I'm so frustrated about my job? Do you have time to just listen to me?"

OR..

"When you watch football games all day Saturday, I feel really lonely.  

ACTION CHOICE #1 - Would you mind explaining it to me, so I can watch it with you?"

ACTION CHOICE #2 - Could we set Saturday mornings aside as "US" time."

ACTION CHOICE #3 - Would you please shoot the TV?" (only kidding..)

Don't say:

"We've grown apart" but say "We used to go to the gym together.  Let's do that again."

I am not a man.  But trust me... most husbands will agree with MOST of what I've said.

PRAY...

Because a woman who asks the Holy Spirit for wisdom...

GETS IT.

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XO,

Mrs. Older