The Bible describes the bait the seductress uses to hook another woman's husband. "She seduced him with her pretty speech and enticed him with her flattery. He followed her at once, like an ox going to the slaughter. He was like a stag caught in a trap." FLATTERY was the bait that got him interested.
SIN is the reason he got hooked. No woman whose husband claims to be a Christian should ever take responsibility for his sin. HOWEVER... we as women would be foolish to NOT acknowledge that men like to think they are our heroes. Is Mrs. Older advising you to FLATTER your husband? Absolutely not. Flattery is insincere compliments with the motive of gaining something back. That's not love. That's deceptive. Mrs. Older is, however, offering you
"THE WISE WOMAN'S GUIDE TO BAITING YOU OWN HOOK"
I don't mean a woman who prays in fear that God will protect her husband from seducing women. I mean a woman who prays just because she WANTS God - more of His Spirit, more of His love, more of HIM. Period. A woman who allows the HOLY SPIRIT to guide YOU, convict YOU, keep YOU soft before God. I confess, that it took me decades to understand that prayer is more important than anything else I can do or say to keep my marriage whole and holy. When I am soft before God - I am soft in every area of my life.
2. Be a woman of God. I am amazed at how often I meet women who want their husbands to be men of God, but feel no need to be women of God. What is the message you are sending YOUR husband about what really matters to you? Do you know?
3. Say Unto Your Husband...As You Would Have Your Husband Say Unto You. Evidently, flattery can make a man take the steps toward the sin that is already in his heart. Do you like to be complimented? Do you like to be thanked? Open your mouth, and speak honest and encouraging words. Ask the Holy Spirit to remind you to say words that will let your husband know he is still YOUR hero, and then he won't want to be someone else's hero.
4. Look good. This may seem like very "unspiritual" advice... but.. The Bible is telling us the truth when it says, "Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart." God is looking at your heart, but your husband is not. I am surprised... over the years.. as my husband and I have counseled couples.. that husbands don't expect their wives to look like they did when they first married. They don't care about a wrinkle, a stretch mark, a few extra lbs. They care that you care enough about him to try and LOOK pretty for him. Don't send me letters talking about how a MAN should keep his appearance up also. This is "A Word To the Wives". OK? OK.
Well.. this is long enough.
Tomorrow....... maybe... we will have a few more "Bait Your Own Hook" suggestions.
BTW, take the time to comment. Also, take the time to review some of the older posts, and read what other readers have said. ALSO... you may sign up to receive this blog via email.. at the upper right corner of the page. I am amazed at HOW MANY email subscribers there are.
Please leave comments... if you agree.. and even if you disagree.
Love you,
Mrs. Older
I think that it is unacceptable advice that women should try to look pretty for their husbands. The tone of your blog makes it sound like when husbands stray, it is the fault of the wife. I'm tired of being told that things are always the fault of the wife or the fault of another woman's bait. Where is the fault of the man that is not happy with what he has?
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous,
DeleteFirst let me say thanks for posting even though you don't like the tone of the blog. I so WELCOME your comments.
But...I think if you will re-read it you will see that I agree with you. With quotes like,
"FLATTERY was the bait that got him interested.
SIN is the reason he got hooked. No woman whose husband claims to be a Christian should ever take responsibility for his sin."
AND
"Evidently, flattery can make a man take the steps toward the sin that is already in his heart."
I think I was pretty direct in saying that it is SIN in a man's heart and not a man's wife that causes him to stray.
And you know, I'm sorry that you are tired of being told that things are always the fault of the wife. I don't blame you. In every relationship, it is rarely ever ALWAYS someone's fault exclusively.
If you think it is unacceptable advice to tell a woman to look pretty.. or to care for her appearance I guess that's ok for you to think. Thanks again for your comment. I welcome your further comments.
Oh my. This is hard to read but I know that God allowed me to read it. We go to church, we sing in the choir, but at home in private I am always unhappy with our lives. I complain that he needs to ask for a raise. I complain that my friends have new cars and I am driving an older one. I always tell him when another couple is going on vacation and remind him we cannot afford to. Just yesterday, I reminded him that our next door neighbors have had wood floors installed, and we cannot afford to have our old carpets cleaned. I think about his face as I said it. He is overwhelmed and I am the one who is doing it to him. He feels like a failure, and I am the one who makes him feel that way. Please pray for me. I am sending you a private email. My husband is depressed and the reason is that I have beat him down in private, while publicly acting like I think he is a great husband.
ReplyDeleteOh, dear sweet woman, why don't you just tell your husband what you just told me? And maybe you have made mistakes in the past. Who hasn't? But today is a new day. And God makes all things new. You can start today. And of course if you send me a private email I will answer it. Thanks for reading and for posting a comment.
DeleteI don't want to seem unfeeling, but the first comment from anonymous seems like she has been hurt and she comes across as very angry. I think she has reached a point where she is unwilling to look at herself at all, and that might be a reason she has been hurt. My husband had an affair and I chose to try and save our marriage. At first he was the bad guy because he had an affair and I did not. But after being in counseling for a while, I began to see some things I did that crushed his heart. Am I taking the blame? No way. But in order to truly create a NEW marriage after the old one fell apart I had to be willing to acknowledge some things I was doing that contributed to a failed relationship. I don't think you said what she thinks you said. And our marriage counselor never told me that it was my fault my husband cheated on me, but he had some legitimate issues with how I belittled him for decades before he strayed. I think that if anonymous doesn't deal with her anger she will never be healed and whole.
ReplyDeleteStephanie,
DeleteThanks for posting. Your comments, I'm sure, will help many wives who might be enduring the pain of infidelity. I agree that in every marriage, both parties have to always be OPEN to the Holy Spirit convicting each spouse and guiding each spouse. I applaud your decision to save your marriage. As for the reader you are referring to, I think it was brave of her to comment, and only God knows what she has been - or is - enduring. Thanks for posting. I'm thrilled.
Glad that stephanie left the comments that she left becuz I too had a husband who cheated on me but we were blessedto have a church family that stood with us. this all happened three years ago and we are a solid couple once again. at first i would not even allow our pasto to look at me or to even hint that i had issues that made our marriage such a sad one. i felt happy that my huband was also the bad guy. and my pastor never told me that it was my fault my husband cheated. he just said when we first met in his office that in order to heal the marraige every thing had to be out in the open. i had cheated on my hsuband but never told him and i tried to hide it. god made me come clean and i think ti was then that we began to really heal.
ReplyDeleteWhat a brave woman you are! To confess to something just because you knew you should and not because you were caught. And thank God for those kind and loving pastors and for loving churches that stand by people who hit a bump in the road. Thanks for your comments.
DeleteAs a fellow Mrs. Older, and a pastor's wife I agree with every word you wrote. Keep it up.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy this blog. I find you refreshing and honest. I think we older women understand how Satan tries to get between a husband and wife. Your advice is perfect.
ReplyDelete