HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESUS

(My weekly newspaper column)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESUS

I would like to tell somebody reading this why Jesus came to earth. 

He came for broken people.

He said, “he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, to preach the acceptable year of the Lord.”

For those of us who even remember that Christmas is the birth of Jesus, we must never forget  why He came.

He came for the broken, the bruised, the poor and blind.  He came for you.  He came for me.

As we settle in to our Christmas traditions, giving gifts and making merry, He sees your broken heart.  He wants to heal us.

He wants to preach the Good News of His coming…to the poor.  

We are all poor, no matter how much money we have.

He wants to deliver you..if you are held captive by anything or anyone.  You can be free. Free.

He wants the blind to see. Physically blind and spiritually blind.  He wants to give you sight.

And we all have bruises.  Life and people give us bruises. He sees your bruises.  He sees how you got them. He wants to give you freedom from them. Freedom from who bruised you and why.  He wants to heal you. And hold you.

And love you.

So enjoy your family and your Christmas traditions.

But just remember why Jesus came.

And if you’re broken, you are exactly the person He is looking for. 

We are all broken hearted in one way or another. 

As we smile our way through the day, He hears your thoughts.

And mine.

Some, no, most of you won't believe me, or will say I'm just writing without thinking,  That's ok.

I'm thinking of the one I wrote this column for,

He wants to make you new.

He came to heal the brokenhearted.

Let Him.

THE COMFORT PROJECT

I HATED MY DAUGHTER’S

MOTHER-IN-LAW

 

For many years, my daughter’s mother-in-law was someone I deeply disliked. Whenever I had the chance to say something unflattering about her to my daughter, she always changed the subject.  I see now she didn’t want to make me feel bad if she defended her mother-in-law but she also wouldn’t allow me to speak badly of her.  To me this woman was the quintessential “church lady.”  I attended church from time to time but wasn’t a fanatic like she was. She taught my grandkids Bible stories and encouraged them to be in church.  My daughter’s family and her in-laws all attended the same church in town.  That annoyed me also.

            Everything changed five years ago.  My husband and I were involved in an auto accident that did great damage to us physically. Although our injuries were not life-threatening they were still severe enough to completely change everything for almost half a year.  We couldn’t drive for months.  It was a long, painful and difficult recovery.  At least at first it was.  Until that woman forced her way in to our lives. 

            A few days after our accident, she came with her son and my daughter one evening.  Although I had labeled her a phony, I couldn’t deny she seemed truly sincere about feeling bad that we were hurting.  When that first visit ended, she asked if we would mind if she visited again the next day.  Before I could think of a reason she could not come, my husband said, “’That would be GREAT!” She asked if there was anything she could bring us and he immediately told her he’d been wanting a strawberry milk shake.  I was shocked.  We never drank milkshakes!  The next day she was there with one for him and one for me. When she left I was sorry to see her go.

            She kept asking how she could help. We needed help so we accepted it from her.  She devoted hours to us each day. She did grocery shopping. She brought the grandchildren when their parents were too busy to bring them. Although I had been cold, hateful and aloof toward her for many years, she was genuinely warm and loving toward me and my husband.  Finally, I asked her, “Why are you being so kind to us?”

            Her answer changed our lives. Forever. The first thing that surprised me was that she didn’t present herself as a naturally altruistic person.  She talked about Jesus and how good He is.  She explained how His love changed her from the inside out.  It was Jesus loving us, she explained.  He was using her to do so.  One day, she asked if she could pray for us.  My husband instantly agreed.  I can’t explain it, but as she prayed I felt peace.  As the weeks wore on, her love never wore out.  She loved Jesus so completely that we were starting to love Him ourselves.  She asked if she could read a Bible verse and we agreed.  Soon she was reading whole chapters. It’s like He was alive and not just a religion.  It didn’t take long for us to decide we needed Jesus.  He became the most important thing in the world to us. He still is.

            If you are someone who is facing an extremely tough situation right now, the only thing that brought me any comfort was the love of Jesus.  All the darkness disappeared.  All because one woman was willing to love two people who didn’t even like her.  She loved us because she loved Him.  My husband and I are blessed and honored to head up a ministry at church that does for others what was done for us.  We know first-hand that God sends His comfort through His people to all people.  If you need comfort, ask Him and He will send it.  If you do not need comfort at this moment, ask Him and He will send you.

“Comfort, comfort my people,” says your God.

Isaiah 40:1

Mature Living Magazine - January 2021

 

July Issue - Mature Living Magazine- Anonymous Testimony

 

 

 

          

         I don’t like to take credit when it isn’t due me so I won’t. This story I am about to tell you still has me baffled on one hand. Just a little.  On the other hand, I will tell you this story that has God’s love and faithfulness written all over it.  All over it.

            It began a few years ago.  I woke up one morning and I just wasn’t feeling well.  I went to a local doctor and he assumed it was stomach problems.  I believed him.  I started to take the stomach medicine he prescribed for me.  After a day or two of no relief, I went to another doctor who prescribed some additional meds.   I took then.   No relief.   Just a very heavy feeling inside.  I took all the meds but they were not working.  Finally, after about five or six days of this, I decided to seek additional care and went to the emergency room.  The nurses were continuing to look for stomach conditions.  As they looked, a nurse named Amy happened to be passing by. She looked at my charts and told them to call in the doctors.  I suddenly became a priority because it wasn’t my stomach that was causing the problems, it was my heart.

            Long story short, my heart has a massive hole in it. If the hole had blown in the opposite direction it would have been instant death. As it turns out, it had blown in and the other organs surrounding it had kept me alive.  I was rushed to the hospital.  For five days, they kept me there because the hole had caused massive damage.  The world class surgeon who was there had worked on these type of heart attacks before, but mine had been six or seven days. He was interested in getting my heart strong enough to even respond to surgery. I was tethered and kept alive. My wife and children were there. 

            Finally, it came time for the surgery.  They had to fix the hole, repair the damage to the heart, and do a triple by-pass surgery.  Any one of these procedures could be fatal.  After a few hours, they came to my wife and informed her that if I survived the surgery (which they couldn’t guarantee) there would be at least a two-week recovery in the hospital and an unknown period in the rehab hospital.  And that’s when God mercy to me became revealed.

        I was released from the hospital in four days and never went to rehab.  My recovery went faster than they had ever seen. Within a month I was back at work, and it’s been that way for years. I don’t know why God chose to do this, but He did.  I don’t know why He had mercy on me, but He did.

            Oh, and a few weeks after, I went to the emergency center to thank that nurse, Amy, for being so quick witted and seeing my charts accurately.  After all, she had not been on my care team.  She was just walked through at the precise moment and happened to notice.  I asked about her by name. They looked for her but couldn’t find her.  They looked back a few weeks. There wasn’t a nurse Amy who worked there.  Not ever.  How could that be?  She had saved my life.  They looked and looked again.  There was no Amy there.  I guess she was an angel.

            I guess I can say that God still had things for me to accomplish, and by His hand I am accomplishing them. If you are alive, he has things for you to accomplish also.  Remember thatas you contemplate your future.   Don’t forget that no one days are ever over until God says they are over. Amen.

“My eyes look to you, Lord, my Lord. I seek refuge in you; do not let me die.’

 

Psalm 141:8

I am.  

I haven't posted here in quite a while....years actually. 

So I apologize.

To my Lifeway readers.. I will post some of The Comfort Project.

To my other readers, I'll be posting some Word To The Wives articles.

See ya soon!

Mrs. Older

IF I WERE SOMEONE'S HUSBAND....

I would think long and pray deep about my identity as a husband.  God requires much from a man who becomes a husband. 

If you are reading this because your wife asked you to read it, you might want to ask yourself why your own wife is asking you to read this????  Seriously.  

If I were someone's husband:

1) I would be sure I understood that submission in marriage is a two-way street:

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."(Eph. 5:21)

Submission, by it's very nature, has to be a personal and VOLUNTARY decision. A Christian man who is demanding submission is, in reality, demanding slavery. The one thing Jesus came to do is to set captives free.  People being FREE is the core of Jesus mission. So why would he then expect wives to be SLAVES????

Marriage - and Christianity - is about having the love of God so pervade your heart and mind that you willingly CHOOSE to prefer someone over yourself.  Submission has to be your choice or it isn't submission. That includes your wife. 

2) Expect my wife to submit to my leadership as she submits to Christ. 

  "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." (Eph. 5:22-24)

Lots of husbands I meet want the submission, but aren't too focused on providing the leadership required for such a thing. If I were someone's husband, I would walk in humility before God - understanding that I am the one who will answer to God for where I led my family. Did I lead them to value material possessions instead of valuing things that will never pass away?  Did I lead them to serve others with a willing heart? Did I lead by example??  
What comes first: a husband who isn't leading anywhere or a wife who will not follow?   If I were someone's husband I would consistently be asking God to let me lead my family to follow Jesus... and then follow my example as I follow Christ.

3) Understand that it is MY responsibility to see that my wife feels loved and that she grows in love for the Lord.

 

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church for we are members of his body.  “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (Ephesians 5:25-33)

Christ is not the Church's puppet...He is THE HEAD of THE CHURCH - who gave His very life so that there could BE a Church. If I were someone's husband, I would be constantly asking the Holy Spirit to change me in to the kind of husband who has the power to be what these verses say.  I would pray to love my wife (WHO RESPONDS TO LOVE) in a self-sacrificing way but strong and God centered way.  I would put HER NEEDS first.  Jesus didn't wait for US to ask Him to be our Savior. FIRST He gave His life, FIRST, He provided what we needed to survive and THEN we were able to submit to what HE willingly gave. 

4) Accept that the way I treat my wife affects the way God hears my prayers.
 
"Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life,

 so that nothing will hinder your prayers." (1 Peter 3:7)

If I were someone's husband, and I read these verses (the ones YOU just read) I would want to understand that the way I FEEL about my wife should begin with being considerate of her and any "weaknesses" she may have because she is female.  I know, I know, in this day and age, we don't want to say women are weaker in any way, but, this verse is telling husbands, don't expect your wife to be a man.  Men have strengths that women do not.  If you think she's weak because she is emotional, be considerate. If you think she's weak because she worries about the kids more than you do, be considerate and not exasperated.  If she cannot keep up with you because her body is breaking down, be considerate and slow down a little.  BUT ALSO REMEMBER THIS:  she is not weak when it comes to the Kingdom of God. She is an heir with you of the gracious gift of salvation and life. In the Kingdom of God, and the gifts of the Holy Spirit she is YOUR EQUAL... a joint-heir.  Be sure you see to it that she flourishes in that Kingdom. Remember to be considerate of anything in her that seems "weak" to you, and remember to honor her as a woman who is equal to you the Kingdom of God. Why should you, a husband, remember this?

So that nothing will hinder your prayers.

5) Be willing to admit my mistakes, and ask for forgiveness when I need to.

OK.. this is long enough,

IF your wife asked you to read this, ASK HER WHY SHE DID.

And LISTEN to what she says.
Also leave your comments (below) 
Or sign up to receive this by email.
Or send me an email  MY Email

XO,

Mrs. Older  

WHEN YOUR HUSBAND LIVES ON ANOTHER PLANET- PART FOUR

Unless you are ACTUALLY living on another planet, you have heard fifty-three billion people give you the same advice about marriage...."communication is the key." That's a nice thing for people to say, but when two people have to actually communicate.......well... that's another story.  

You WANT him to hear your heart... but he doesn't.  You WANT him to understand you and your needs... but he doesn't.  You WANT to understand him.. but he seems, more and more, to be from another planet. 

It is at this point in many marriages, that I have observed so many Mrs. Younger's make a MAJOR MISTAKE about the key to communication....

YOU START TALKING ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND. 

TO OTHERS.

I am NOT REFERRING to receiving Godly counsel from your pastor or a marriage counselor....or a praying friend who loves you and your husband... and... where your motive is to get useful, God-centered HELP to BUILD your marriage... no.. no...

I'm talking about those Mrs. Youngers who complain about Mr. Younger to their girlfriends, to their co-workers, to their mothers....................with the motive to ... well... to COMPLAIN.   Why? It feels good to be able to talk about what is bothering you.  
To talk ABOUT him when it seems like it does no good to talk TO him. 
To have others commiserate with you...

EXCEPT

it is not making God very happy.

For two reasons.

Reason #1:

In the 10th chapter of 1 Cornithians... Paul  gives examples of what the Israelites did that displeased God. He says they were an example for us. AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT DISPLEASED GOD. 

And He isn't putting CONDEMNATION on the Corinthians (or us)... but simply saying... "Hey... these are the things that tripped up the Israelites... so pay attention.. because they will trip you up also if you're not careful."

And he lists the sins of worshipping idols, sexual immorality, revelry (partying), testing God... and then.. right there in that list of "Things That Are Bad and Not Good According To God"  is the word..

"GRUMBLE"

A fuller definition of the word "grumble" means to "murmur"; to say anything against in a low tone"; "confer secretly together"; "those who discontendedly complain." 

WAIT. WHAT?

Yes.  Complaining. Grumbling. 

God sent a destroying angel to the people who did.,

Evidently, grumbling and murmuring can destroy His people as much a sexual immorality, idol worship and being a party animal.  Behind the scenes complaining...murmuring... is such an overlooked, accepted.. YET destructive action that God chose to REMOVE THE PEOPLE WHO DID IT in an attempt to KEEP IT FROM DESTROYING HIS PEOPLE...

AND...

IT WILL DESTROY A MARRIAGE. SLOWLY. METHODICALLY. ONE ANGRY, COMPLAINING WORD AT AT TIME.  Of course, we don't think we are destroying our own marriage when we complain about it... because, well, because we aren't being sexually immoral, we don't worship idols, we don't go out and get drunk or high on drugs and act like a party animal.. 

we...

are...

just... 

complaining...

about our husband to anyone who will listen.  

It happens.  We don't need to jump off a bridge if we've done it. We simply identify it as destructive and ask the Holy Spirit.. (YES., it will require OUTSIDE HELP FROM ANOTHER PLACE)... to help us to control our tongue.

"Do everything without grumbling or arguing" - Philippians 2:14

WAIT. WHAT?

Yup.  Read the entire chapter for yourself.

Reason #2:

COMPLAINING to OTHER PEOPLE...MEANS... you aren't humbling yourself to speak to the ONLY ONE who has the POWER to do ANYTHING about your broken, frustrated heart.

God is not required to heal your marriage - but He does promise to HEAL YOU.

Your husband and his lack of love, his lack of wanting to please God or you, his lack of understanding is something HE will have to answer to GOD about...

Having a husband who doesn't get you, doesn't care about you, doesn't listen to you, doesn't speak to you...............

BREAKS A WIFE'S HEART.

The only One who can heal your heart is God.

Talk to Him. 

The whole reason Jesus came to earth was to HEAL THE BROKENHEARTED.

Take the time to talk to Him.

He is listening.

He will speak.

OK.. this is getting too long.

Thank you for your emails to me about this blog. 

 awordtothewives@gmail.com

 I am in awe of how God is healing all of us...,

XO,

Mrs. Older

WHEN YOUR HUSBAND LIVES ON ANOTHER PLANET - PART THREE

Next month, through the miraculous mercy of God on two people who had no clue how to be married, Mr. Older and I will be celebrating forty-nine years of marriage. If you add the years we've been married to the three years we dated as high school sweethearts it is 78.79% of my life so far.
Furthermore, after all these years, we still like to be around each other more than we like to be around any other people.  It's a miracle... 

You may be assuming that Mr. Older and I were just fortunate enough to come from the same planet and instantly knew how to communicate. 
WRONG! Here are some possible reasons we have not knocked each other's blocks off... well..... not so far...and some possible explanations for our continuing success at staying HAPPILY married and being able to know and hear one another.

1. We both love and follow Jesus. 
Being His follower in deed as well as word requires something foundational to succeeding in marriage - forgiveness.  Many married Christians try to ignore that Jesus OFTEN said that IF you want to be forgiven YOU ARE REQUIRED to forgive. Yeah... I hate it too.... I won't take up space here listing the FIFTY KAZILLION SCRIPTURES ABOUT THE ABSOLUTE NECESSITY OF FORGIVING OTHERS.I have needed my husband's forgiveness and he has needed mine.   Many times and in many situations I have not deserved his forgiveness and yet he has forgiven me.  Many times and in many situations he has not deserved my forgiveness and yet I have forgiven him. Why? Because neither one of us has deserved the forgiveness of God but have gladly, with joy and thanksgiving, RECEIVED IT.  And... our LORD, Jesus, instructs us to forgive as we have been forgiven. To love as we have been loved.  And so, because we love Him.. we obey Him.  And because we love Him, we love one another.   Ultimately it is submitting to our LORD.. (yes.. LORD.. as in RULER of OUR LIVES)... that has won the battles between us.

2. We don't expect to agree.
Lots of couples confuse the term "getting along" with "always agreeing with one another."  Where did we get the idea that if two people don't agree about something they cease to get along? 

Sometimes Mr. Older and I do not agree about something.  Somehow God helps us shake it off.... and keep getting along.  When couples are young and stubborn we don't truly understand the damage all those daily skirmishes are doing:  To our marriage. To our children. To our family. To our witness.

I have learned to get along with Mr. Older even when he is utterly and stubbornly wrong...uhhhh...we don't agree. 

If you want to get your own way all the time.. please do the world a favor - DON'T GET MARRIED.  Please.  It will save so much heartbreak. It will save so many children so much sadness.

NOTE:  I want to say that if someone is ABUSING you - especially physically - I am NOT telling you to put up with it and just forgive... get help.. call your pastor.... get OUT.

I truly get that some Mrs. Youngers reading this are married to men who insist and demand their own way ALL THE TIME.. and there is no way to compromise or reason with him. 
He is an alien... speaking in a language you cannot decipher and looking at you as if you are an alien when you speak... Which brings me to the most important secret to being able to hear, deal with and understand that "alien" you are living with:

3. Pray.
I'm not talking about praying "GET HIM GOD!" prayers about your husband. I'm talking about prayers of humility before God which say, "Please help me see the truth, Lord, about my heart and his heart;" and "Please don't let my anger get so embedded inside that I have given satan, the father of all lies, a foothold;" and "Please speak to my husband, Lord because he isn't listening to me;" and "Please have mercy on two stubborn people." 

Please remember that a STRONGLY HELD OPINION IS NOT THE SAME THING AS TRUTH. 

Your opinion of Mr. Older is not TRUTH....it is your opinion. 

Statements like: "He will never change!" or "He doesn't care about me" or "He is lazy (or stubborn, angry, selfish, stupid....etc.) is YOUR OPINION about your husband.
ONLY GOD CAN SEE HIS HEART.
ONLY GOD CAN CHANGE HIS HEART.
ONLY THE HOLY SPIRIT can speak truth to a wife's heart.
ONLY THE HOLY SPIRIT can speak truth to a husband's heart.,

IF YOU WANT TRUTH ABOUT HOW TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR HUSBAND WHO SEEMS LIKE HE IS LIVING ON ANOTHER PLANET.. YOU ARE GOING TO NEED THE HOLY SPIRIT AND PRAYER.

Sometimes we don't want to pray because we are afraid to hear that AGGRAVATING WORD, that ANNOYING WHISPER...."Forgive." 

The Lord knows how difficult it is to forgive.
Especially as people are banging nails in to His hands and feet and nailing Him to a Cross... AFTER.. beating Him mercilessly,
I mean, HE KNOWS how CRUEL people can be to other people.
Still... He forgives.

This is getting long. So I will end for now.  

XO...
Email me at:
awordtothewives@gmail.com

WHEN YOUR HUSBAND LIVES ON ANOTHER PLANET - PART TWO

In my last blog I promised to give you some ways to communicate with your husband when it feels like he is living on another planet...

I would like to tell you something that may surprise you:

I get emails from some of your husbands (shhhhhhh... I promised him I would not  tell)... and..sometimes he feels the same way about you...that you aren't really interested or listening...when he tries to speak to you. 

WHAT?  Yes.. Yup.. Uh-huh.  He does.

So then let me give you some advice.. which is free.. which you don't have to follow... which you have the right to reject and criticize.... and which I offer only because I am tired of seeing marriages get stale and cold and the people in those marriages getting the same way.  

1. Visit his planet every now and then. 

You can spend all your time talking about how he doesn't understand you, how he doesn't listen to you and..how he isn't interested in anything you say... and you might be 100% correct. 

So let me ask you: How's that working for you?   Is it causing him to reveal the deep and hidden secrets of his heart to you? Is he spending time at night asking you to tell him every single detail of your day - including every feeling you felt? Does he trust you enough to be honest with you when he is struggling with something?  Does he seem to listen better when you tell him over and over that he isn't listening?

Yeah, I didn't think so. 

Nagging a man makes him shut up and shut down.  Still - most of us are convinced it will help even though it never does.

Proverbs 14:1 says, "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands, the foolish one tears hers down."  I truly grasp how challenging it is to be a wife and mom and working mother and daughter in this current season of the planet. I understand how exhausted you are (and so does Jesus, by the way.. read Matthew 11:28-30.. which I think of as Jesus saying, "Wanted: Exhausted Women)... 

But being a husband and father and employee or employer and son isn't exactly a walk in the park for the modern man.  It can be terrifying to have to figure out a way to provide for a family.. even when Mrs. Younger is working.. And the competitiveness of our society can steal the soul of a man right out from under him... Planet Earth can be a scary place for Mr. Younger...and he isn't going to whine.. and complain.. but.. maybe some days HE needs someone to lean on.. ????  (BTW.. Matthew 11:28-30 has a corresponding title, "Wanted: Exhausted Men). 

IMHO - a wise woman understands that understanding her husband will help to explain why he sometimes doesn't understand her.  

A wise woman doesn't scold her husband for liking things she has no interest in, but does her best to see if it might be something she could be interested in also.

A wise woman doesn't berate a husband who is not succeeding.. but does what she can to be his "help."

A wise woman uses her hands to build her husband, her marriage and her home.. and does not... with a snarky attitude and mouth tear down the very marriage she claims she is wanting to save.

Dear Mrs. Younger.. you will not DIE if you simply visit HIS world every now and then.  If you do, you will hear his language and learn to speak it. 

PLEASE.. AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.. AS YOU READ THIS.. TRY TO KEEP YOURSELF FROM ASKING.. "But what about me? Why doesn't he learn to visit MY world and speak MY language????"  

It's one blog..
Take a deep breath.

I will get to you.

For now,

for one day, 

for ten minutes...

consider..

just consider...

visiting your husband's world. 

Today listen to him....instead of being offended that he isn't listening to you.

TRY.

IT.

Trust me.

TRY IT.

Please leave your comments.. see below.. you may post anonymously..  or email me at:

awordtothewives@gmail.com

XO,

Mrs. Older