Many younger wives expect the guy to be Jesus in a suit, providing an excellent lifestyle, and putting her needs so far ahead of his own that he can't even figure out what his needs actually are anymore. And God help him if he even tries. He was not created to heal your childhood abuse, your disappointments in life, and your inner need for inner peace. Only Jesus can do that. Don't crucify your husband for not being Jesus. Jesus was already crucified in your husband's place.
2. YOUR CHILDREN ARE RUNNING YOUR LIFE.
Yes. They. Are. As someone who has been in leadership roles in church, and as a pastor's wife for many years.. I know from experience that you can tell a woman any thing on earth - EXCEPT- something about her kids. Or how they have been given WAY TOO MUCH POWER. In my real life, I deal mostly with evangelical women who go to church regularly. One thing I see TOO OFTEN is wives who are SO FOCUSED on the children that dad becomes Mommy #2 instead of Daddy #1.
You need the Holy Spirit to give you the wisdom to know when you are to place more importance on being Someone's Wife than on being Someone's Mom. I'm not telling you to ignore or abuse your kids. I'm just telling you that.. they will NOT DIE.. if a couple of nights a week they don't get to do everything they want to do ... or heaven help us all. I'm just saying that too many women are using the children as a way to control their husbands. I'm saying that I deal with too many women whose husbands are TERRIFIED TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT BEING TREATED AS A NANNY instead of a HUSBAND.
For the love of God and your marriage, do something as a couple now and then. Send the kids to Grandma's house. Go out on a date. Listen to your husband's heart again. Do you know what he is dealing with? At his job? In his heart? Do you take the time to hear your husband speak? Do you tell the children to be silent when Daddy is talking?
IF YOUR SCHEDULE IS SO BUSY THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO LISTEN TO THE MAN GOD GAVE YOU.. THEN... CUT SOME THINGS OUT OF YOUR SCHEDULE, WOMAN!
Do you show the children that Daddy had a life before they did? Who runs the house? Your children need to SEE you honoring their daddy as the head of the home, and not view him as just someone else WHO IS AFRAID TO STAND UP TO MOMMY. Sure, he needs to help, but he isn't your kid. Stop barking orders at the poor man.
3. YOU ARE NEGLECTING YOUR APPEARANCE
God looks at the heart, this is true. And you have a beautiful heart, I'm sure. However, man (as in...YOUR HUSBAND...) looks at the outer appearance. Yes. He does. I don't know why men are created that way, but God knows why. I'm not going to argue with the Almighty Creator of Humanity.
Now before you post comments about the four kids, and losing weight, and not having time, etc.... I know and I feel your frustration. I'm not saying LOOK the way you LOOKED, I'm saying CARE about your appearance the way you CARED. (I wrote about this in this blog's MOST POPULAR entry.. "LOOKING GOOD FOR YOUR HUSBAND. You can click on that post.. over on the right hand column) It's true, there are seasons in life - having a newborn, or being ill - where your appearance should be the LAST THING that matters to your husband. But if you are not in one of those seasons.. trust me.. sweet woman... YOUR HUSBAND NOTICES THE WAY YOU LOOK. Fix yourself up. Throw those sweat pants away. OK?
4. YOU ARE NOT EMBRACING SUBMISSION.
Society has a way of taking a very valuable aspect of God and His Word and twisting the word so that it seems like a cruel and unreasonable concept. And so it is with the word "SUBMIT"... and what it really means.
First of all... when we run from that word we are -in essence - accusing God - who is JUST - of being unfair and unloving. Yes.. I know I know.. you and I WOULD NEVER accuse or doubt God... and yet.... so many of we evangelical wives have secretly changed our opinion of submission to mean what society says it means. SUBMIT? No way.
So let me ask you something: Do you accuse the traffic authority of being UNFAIR when you choose to submit to a red traffic light? You and I stop when the light is red because we know that the traffic authority's MOTIVE is to keep us safe, to keep traffic flowing smoothly and fairly. We don't yell and complain, "What right do you have to INSIST I stop at a red traffic light?" We don't accuse the traffic authority of demeaning our personhood or of being misogynist monsters..
NO.. We SUBMIT to that authority - and willingly stop at the RED traffic light. NOW.. if you want to get real and honest.. truth is... you can GO THROUGH a red traffic light if you are willing to suffer the consequences. You may get a traffic ticket. Or you may get sideswiped by oncoming traffic and suffer grave and serious injury. So you stop at a red light. You SUBMIT.
At work, you are probably not THE CEO of the company..(AND IF YOU ARE.. YOU STILL HAVE STOCKHOLDERS TO ANSWER TO)
so you submit to the role that you have been asked to fill. Why? Because you are helping the CEO and the STOCKHOLDERS to reach a goal. You are your company's HELP MEET. You don't go to protest rally's which say that your CEO is trying to enslave you.. do you? You don't expect the CEO to do YOUR JOB do you? Of course not. You understand that a company filled with nothing but bosses cannot succeed.
And so all throughout society... we understand that in many different institutions.. someone has the responsibility to lead.. and someone has the responsibility to follow that lead... FOR THE GOOD OF ALL INVOLVED.
That's all that submission is. Submission has to be VOLUNTARY or it isn't submission. It isn't being a slave. It's simply accepting that in order for MARRIAGE to succeed... someone has to have the PRIMARY responsibility.. and God has placed that responsibility on husbands. Why? I don't know why! Ask God.
If you don't want to have to submit to your husband..... ask yourself "why?"
I suspect it's not because you don't trust HIS LEADERSHIP..
I suspect that the root of it is that YOU DON'T TRUST GOD'S LEADERSHIP.
The more I trust God to be faithful and fair, the easier it is for me to submit to others.. not only my husband but to every authority God has allowed to be in power.
Submit to GOD in all things.
And let HIM worry about whether or not someone is being fair..
Which brings me to #5
5. PUT TRUST IN THE FAITHFULNESS AND FAIRNESS OF GOD.
On the other hand, sometimes husbands are simply not doing even the most basic things a husband should do - loving, protecting, nurturing and caring for his wife. THIS is true. Some husbands are total failures... no matter how hard you try to find something to respect.
SOOOOooooooooo...... I just want to let you know that God sees. I'm not telling you that you should just buck up and bear it. I'm telling you that ONLY GOD can be your defender, your provider, your heart mender. If your husband is a loser... God is not. If your husband doesn't love you... God does. TRUST GOD WITH EVERY DETAIL OF YOUR BROKEN HEART.
I'm telling you that EVEN IF YOUR husband is CLOSE TO PERFECT, He can never be what Jesus is. He can never heal your heart. Your spirit. He can never bind up your broken hearted-ness . He can never set your captive spirit free. ONLY JESUS can do that. ONLY JESUS.
If you would actually TRUST that truth... if you would actually UNDERSTAND that in the end.. ONLY JESUS has the power to change what needs to be changed...
YOU WOULD RUN TO HIM and HE WILL GIVE YOU REST.
Well.. this is long enough for today. I guess these are five things I would say to younger wives if I was brave enough.
WOW. I guess I AM brave enough.
Also...Mrs. Older is so happy that so many of you are signing up to receive this via email. Once again, let me say that no one gets your email from this blog, and you won't get anything BUT THIS BLOG. I'm not selling anything here. Just GIVING you JESUS.
I love you.
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