You cannot speak to a man in the same way you can speak to a woman. Not if you want him to hear you. I mean no disrespect to husbands and men. It's just that, in defense of women everywhere, sometimes our husbands look at us with "that look" on their faces which is sure evidence that someone has stolen our "real" husbands and replaced them with droids from Mars. I finally came to understand that when wives speak many husbands are asking themselves these Three Basic Man Questions as we are speaking.
1- WHY IS SHE TALKING ABOUT THIS?
Men have a small reserve of listening minutes per day. So, don't waste them on stuff he doesn't need to hear. And remember that just because you want to talk about it, doesn't mean he has to want to hear about it. So then, ask yourself -- Why are you telling him what you're telling him? Is it URGENT for him to know that your friend Shelly is acting weird, or that you feel fat today, or that your complexion is not looking great? However.... if he does NEED to hear it then tell him why. Which brings us to Man Question #2:
2- WHY IS SHE TALKING TO ME ABOUT THIS?
A woman can say, "At work, Shelly is acting weird and all, like, uppity and rude to me" and a husband is nodding but not listening. You can simply say, "I have no one else to talk to about this and I need to talk about it." and that could be reason enough. Or you can say something like, "I need your help in figuring out how to deal with Shelly because she is acting weird and uppity and rude to me all day. And because she is acting that way, by the time I get home, I'm all wound up, and grouchy, and taking out my frustration on YOU all night long." NOW he understands WHY he should care about what you're talking about. Shelly's actions are having an effect on HIM. And most importantly you have answered the third and MOST IMPORTANT MAN QUESTION WHICH IS.....
3- WHAT SHOULD I DO? WHAT SHOULD I DO? WHAT SHOULD I DO?
See.. now he knows that he can DO something about Shelly. He can help you figure out a strategy for dealing with her. Your husband, if he is at all trying to be the kind of husband God expects, is your defender and helper. He wants to take care of you. But in defense of men everywhere... he wants you to GET TO THE POINT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY! Get to the point. Have mercy on the poor guy and tell him what HE can do about it. This means that if you want to tell him you feel he is too busy and ignoring you.. don't just say, "You don't looooove me......" Sniff, sob, sniff, sniff and then pout and give him the silent treatment for the next three days.
Say it like a man, woman! Say, "Your busy schedule is making me feel like I'm not important to you. I would really like it if you could stop scheduling work things at night. That would really heal my hurting heart.I love you and I miss having time with you." See, you've told him the problem, and you've told him what he can do about it. Whether or not he does what you need is another issue for another day.
In closing, let me remind you that the only person in your marriage that you can control is YOU. There is NO COMMANDMENT requiring your husband to have to care about, listen to and comment on every word you speak as if it is coming from the Throne of God. Some wives act as if it is their RIGHT to be heard. It is not your right. But... a smart husband understands that "walking in understanding" with his wife is something God advises him to do. Whether he chooses to obey God or not... is up to God and your husband. Have a great day.. And sign up for email alerts... and please leave some comments.
Love you,Mrs. Older